Ronal the Barbarian

In the beginning there was only darkness.

And in the darkness born demon Zaal, -

- Zakidernes ruler -

- And the human oppressor.

But from the shadows came Crane,

warrior of all warriors -

- And the bearer of the gods' swords.

He liberated man -

- And led them to victory.

But the price of victory was high.

For Crane got an ulcer

through the heart, -

- Who bled for seven days

and seven nights.

And a hundred warriors

drank his blood.

And parades his strength.

And Crane looked at them

and saw that it was good.

And then he died.

Thus was created the barbarians, -

- Sons of Crane.

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

Listen, folks.

Strength! Mod! Fearlessness!

This is what

there was a wreath gift to our people.

For thousands of generations,

Generation after generation, -

- Has his blood rushing

undiluted in our veins.

This is what we celebrate every year,

before we go on expeditions.

But first and foremost

is the crown of blood that makes -

- That we are barbarians

the greatest warriors throughout Metalonien.

Okay, Ronal, it's your turn.

Ronal is sick ...

Ronal is sick today.

Ronal!

Can not jump over me?

I have a sore elbow.

Maybe I'm getting

late skin ... vagina ...

- Shin Inflammation.

- Hell, Ronal.

Put all your power in battle.

I'm looking

eddermaneme to see.

Oh, for Christ's sake, Ronal, man.

One to.

Can ...

... eh ...

... more!

You may keep you

in shape before the cruise.

A barbarian who do not

can swing an ax, is ... uh ...

At least not any real barbarians.

What should I quest?

I walk in the way.

- Can not I hang out here?

- You are the son of the Crane.

A son of Crane draws on expeditions and

killing monsters and returning in glory.

- It is the essence of being a barbarian.

- Uncle, look at me.

What should I do to monsters? Buckle

muscle suit and hope they die of laughter?

What then, Ronal?

Have you got a mullet?

F***ing funny. Have you got

any brain cells?

What? Where? If there is one on the back,

bother you then press it out?

Listen here, kid. When you go on expeditions,

is it about big balls -

- Than the arms. Heroism.

Once you've grasped it, it is

no problem to crush the enemy.

I just find it difficult to overlook

that you just can die from it!

Hold on just shut up and train.

What is it?

The alarm. All hands to arms!

At your seats! Move!

- Hop, hop!

- Yes, yes!

Barricades gate!

Come on! Pull to!

Up on the barricades, I lusepustere!

Tranquil.

Wait.

Quiet!

Who's there?

Hail, noble savages.

We are Master Florian, -

- Kvadskriver and bard.

We simply want

humble towards payment of course -

- To enrich your

banquet you muscles spectaculaires -

- With noble sonatas for your old

heroes and heroines.

Attack!

- Songs. They sing songs at parties.

- Fester?

Try for example to check

their incredibly dangerous tuba on the roof.

So slip into.

- No!

- Damn.

It's bloody hundred years ago,

I finally cracked a forehead peel.

How the hell should I know

it was a tuba?

Yo, girls. How about

to wash my sick virile, -

- Resilient, filthy -

- Firstrengede lute?

There shall be practiced songs, not frivolous,

young Alibert. The art call.

We must be ready.

Is not there just a little bit of time

to walk around and look?

A true bard

Remember all the songs perfectly.

How perfect does this happen?

Should not we raiding?

Barbarians must leave tomorrow.

We could carry.

Fluctuate with the ears.

I have to meet girls, man.

I think

write some heroic poem.

Or something like that,

You know, with those verses.

Oh, young Alibert.

Only when you all sang, -

- There is the poem, you like that.

- What? It will take 100 years.

- Nonsense. So long does not.

I was only 57 before I was

finished his apprenticeship. It has no age.

Ouch! F***ing tight.

ka 'Rikke ka' Rikke

ka 'Rikke drink beer?

ka 'Rikke

ka 'Rikke ka' Rikke drink beer?

Oh, it's good, man.

Is there one of you pattebrn,

can guzzle a cheeky pint?

Alibert!

So I was hunting -

- And then you see me just run into

in a orkbrnehave. Hopla.

- Here you go, honey. On you.

- Oh, how cute.

Yes, it makes your eyes.

This one also must look straight.

It is a true

invisibility body lotion.

I used it,

when I snuck into a harem.

Cool, no? Total listepik.

So you can not see

who is attacking.

What is it? Hey, there it was again.

And now it stopped.

- Now it came again.

- Ouch, Gorak. Now let be.

- It will not stop.

- Satan and hell, you fat fool!

Oh, Ronal, damn man.

All bearings sons are assembled,

Prince Volcazar.

Then it's time.

- Can not I take the guard a little?

- What about the party?

I'm just so ... a little tired.

Okay, then. Remember to blow the horn,

if you see something suspicious.

- Think you can handle it?

- It is like when rvligemeget.

- I want to be alone.

- It's a great horn.

Remember, breathe into.

Deep down in my stomach. And so ...

Damn, Uncle.

Who would attack us?

We're f***ing barbarians.

We have smashed everything.

- We have never been attacked.

- It may well be.

But it is the principle of it,

which is important.

The boy takes the life of me one day.

TRIP-MAGAZINE

F***ing barbarians, man.

What the hell is this?

We are being attacked?

We are attacked!

Take your weapon!

No, no!

- We listen and sounds!

- Let hell rain down.

F***! F***!

Fire!

To the attack! Show no weakness!

- Look! Fireworks!

- Have we booked it?

We are attacked!

Barbarians, defend you!

Hop, hop, hop!

Oh, heaven be praised.

They are rescued.

Are you mad a sick f***ing party, man.

- Bummer!

- No!

Help! Help!

Dush! Smack!

Bash! Muscles!

Now I do not think

there are more back.

F***, f***, f***, f***.

He's mine.

We are overrun.

Why was blowing you not?

- I tried!

- You tried?

"Trying" is just not good enough, Ronal.

Jump up. We must rescue the others.

The famous sons of Crane.

How pathetic.

Put them in chains.

No one shall be left.

We Barbarians subjecting us never!

Everyone must obey me ...

No!

... or die!

No!

- Before them away.

- L heard Prince Volcazar!

Get the last barbarians in the cart.

Come on!

In with him! Move!

- Come here!

- Well I will not ...

- In with them!

- What the hell?

Remember your shoes and handbags ... axes!

We do not come back

and pick them up!

General? The here

prisoner does not fit the shackles.

- Should I just throw him away?

- That is, it's not a barbarian.

- Pull him from behind and killing sh*t.

- Oh, thank you.

- Lucky bastard.

- It is always the one who gets.

- Buff it feels good

- Buff it feels good

- As a bonus it is really nice

- As a bonus it is really nice

sits well

feels good

No, I will not. Help! Help!

Shut up,

I get boner of it here.

Oh, man. Sh*t, one night, man.

My head, man.

The town is pretty knackered, what?

Where are all the others gone?

Are they taken to the afterparty?

Hey, wait, you!

Ro ... Ronal.

Uncle. You live.

Not long yet.

Crane ... call me home.

No, uncle,

it is probably just a ... flesh wounds.

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