Roommates Page #4

---

for something

# Oooh

- Michael, can I ask you

a medical question? - Sure.

Is this an erection

you're getting?

Let's go to your place.

I have a homeless couple

camped out in my living room.

- What about the bedroom?

- That's where we put their kids.

- Let's go to your place.

- Uh...

- All right?

- Sure.

Shh!

Come on.

- Turn on the light.

- No!

- But I can't see anything!

- You don't need to.

Shh! No lights.

- Don't you have a bed?

- It's taken.

- By who?

- Shh!

Sorry. Shh!

Michael, what's that?

- What?

- That sound.

- It's my roommate.

- Oh.

Shh!

Oh, I woke him.

No. We just haveto be quiet.

- You sure? - Yeah.

He talks in his sleep.

Ow! Something's poking me.

Oh, it's you.

- Hi, Rock. I'd like you

to meet Beth. - Hi.

This is Rocky.

This is your roommate?

Will you give it a rest?

- I really don't get what you're so

upset about, Rock. - I'm not upset.

You didn't tell me that I was

moving into a bordello, that's all.

We got them in Pittsburgh.

They're a lot nicer than the basement.

I went out with a girl. We had a

few drinks, and I brought her home.

You never did that in your day?

In my day, a girl that drank,

you didn't bring home.

All right.

The Polish hook.

Big game. Big game.

Beautiful.

Hey, what about Colleen Kelly,

the one you used to go dancin' with?

Dancing and dupsing

are not the same thing.

Well, thanks to you,

we didn't get a chance to dupse.

Ah, you're lucky. The next thing,

she'll be suing you for breach of promise.

This isn't 1910. I didn't get her to come

home with me by promising to marry her.

Then she's worse than I thought.

Look, Rocky, let's start from scratch,

okay? I'll invite her over to dinner.

You two will hit it off

like gangbusters. I promise.

What do you say?

Don't talk to me

when I'm bowling.

I wonder what's keeping him?

Doctors work for a living.

- What are we having?

- Bigos.

- Oh, what's that?

- Stew.

Well, what's in it?

Beef, sausage, pork.

Didn't Michael tell you

I was a vegetarian?

Listen, we could make a salad.

You could also go up and eat

with the communists.

That's all they eat is rabbit food.

Mr. Holeczek, I just want

to have a nice evening, okay?

I got some coleslaw here.

Will that do?

Maybe I should just go.

Your decision.

I'd like to stay.

Also, your decision.

I'll wait for Michael.

Do ya play gin?

You mean, like cards?

Anytime this century.

- You're rushing me again.

- No, I don't mean to. It's just that...

I might be dead by the time

you make a decision.

Don't hesitate because your

instincts here are very good.

- Ah, for Christ's sake, lady. You take

so goddamn long... - Don't yell at me.

Gin! Gin! I have gin!

- What? - Yeah. I have three kings

and four threes.

That's gin, isn't it?

Isn't that gin?

No, that's scotch.

That's vodka.

That's... goddamn stupid,

is what it is.

- Oh, it's nice to see you're such a good

loser. - Lady, ya didn't beat me.

Ya bored me to death.

You know, I just... You know what,

I've been trying to...

I know that you... Just... Just

tell Michael that I'll see him later.

Well, if you're comin' by, call first.

Because at my age, I don't need surprises.

Especially naked ones in the middle

of the night. Mention it to Michael too.

- Tell him yourself.

- I would.

But since he met you,

I hardly see him anymore.

Okay, I get it. Now I see. Um...

Listen, Mr. Holeczek.

I really like your grandson.

I like him a lot.

And he likes me, I think.

Is it so terrible that he

has a girlfriend?

I never taught him not to have a girlfriend.

I just hoped it would be a nice girl.

I'm not nice? Because I sleep

with Michael? Is that it?

- If the shoe fits... - You know,

Mr. Holeczek, it's not like your day.

I mean, today men and women sleep together

because they care about each other.

Today men and women are

as responsible as a seagull.

- You ought to be ashamed of yourself,

and he should too. - No, I'm not.

I'm not ashamed of myself. And I'll

tell you something else I'm not.

I'm not a jealous old man who's

scared to death of being left alone!

Hey, Beth!

Beth, what's the matter?

Beth!

What happened?

She don't like me.

Beth! Beth!

Beth.

- I made you some oatmeal.

- No, thank you.

Well, what about lunch? I'll make you a

sandwich. What do you want, corned beef?

I don't want breakfast. I don't

want lunch. I just want to go to work.

Towels.

You know, we were doing good

until this girl come along.

This girl? Her name is Beth. Do you have

any idea how upset she was last night?

She tried so hard.

And you didn't even lift a finger.

You're selfish, you're stubborn

and you're rude!

- I don't have to take this.

- That's fine.

For now on, my business is my business.

Your business is your business.

We live in the same apartment,

but we run our own lives. Okay?

Attention shoppers,

Food Emporium proudly announces...

the grand opening

of our new bakery section.

Be sure to stop by and say hello

to Rocky Holeczek, our master baker.

- Maestro.

- Oh.

How's it going?

How's it goin'? I can't use sugar,

white flour or baking soda.

Everything that comes out of the oven,

it look like an old shoe.

- I'm not complaining.

- I hope not.

I had to threaten to sue

the entire chain to get you this job.

Huh!

You did 'em a favor.

Where's your grandson?

Who knows?

These days he's in love.

I've been looking forward

to meeting him. He's a doctor, right?

- You must be very proud.

- It's a living.

- Here, I owe you this.

- No, no, Rocky. You keep your money.

- It was my pleasure.

- No, no, no. A deal is a deal.

Listen, keep your eyes open

for a clean boardinghouse.

You find one,

I'll give ya another 20.

Rocky stayed with

the communists.

I spent the weekends

with Beth...

and found that I could sleep

without the sound ofhis snoring.

I took that

as a good sign.

Do you have a Social

Security number?

- Hi, Sharon.

- Hi, Mike.

It was nice to see you,

Barbara.

- Thanks a lot for everything.

- Oh, sure. Sure, of course.

See you later. Be ready in a minute.

I'll get out of here.

So, what do you

want for lunch?

- Thought about it?

- Uh-huh.

- Yeah?

- I want you.

- Guess what?

- What?

- I've got the best news.

- Yeah?

I've been accepted

for a surgical residency...

- at the University of Pittsburgh

Medical Center. - You were?

- That's great! Congratulations!

- Isn't it?

That's... Pitt. Wow, that's

really prestigious, isn't it?

Crozier and Kalina

are there, right?

- How'd you know that?

- I mean... I asked.

People do their residencies at different

hospitals... So, when do you go?

- September.

- Huh. And how long is...

A residency cardio/thoracic

is eight years.

Wow.

Yeah.

So you're leaving, huh?

Wow, I'm really happy for you.

Um, I'm sad for me, but...

What do you mean?

You know how I feel about you.

No, not really.

Well...

I... I'm not sure

what comes next.

Yeah. You know what?

I probably shouldn't take a lunch break

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes