Roxanne Page #3

Yeah.

Sorry.

So when do you find out

about this thing?

July 14th, 2200 hours,

eight minutes, 31 seconds.

Give or take 10 days.

That would really be something.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, don't look now,

but the Viking just came in.

- Don't look now.

- Oh, God, it's him.

- All right.

- Chris, come here.

- Mayor.

- Shake hands with me, I'm the mayor.

It'll make you look important.

He should be bronzed.

Everyone tells me you are fast,

efficient and brilliant.

Brilliant. With the ladies.

Take care of yourself.

If anything happens to you, C.D.

Will be all over my kizitsky or kazatsky.

Congratulations on your victory.

So sorry. Sorry.

- A week before the election...

...but, you know, I'm gonna make

the best of it.

Oh, God.

Get a hold of yourself, God.

It's now or never.

Do it, Roxanne. Come on, what...?

- There's only one way to tell.

- Yeah, what difference does it make?

Okay.

When he comes out, I'll invite him

to a Nelson tradition of hot tubbing.

And I'll set him up

with some mulled wine...

...and I'll babe him a lot, you know.

I'm shocked.

We're all shocked.

I'm not shocked.

I need a little confidence.

Confidence, confidence.

A little water,

and then you're gonna talk to her.

Oh, no.

Sh*t.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Remember me?

- I'm trying to put it behind me.

Is this your shop?

Yeah, it's my shop. All mine.

- It's perfect.

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

- It's really you.

- I appreciate that.

Why don't you come in and check out

the new freeze-dried animals.

They're incredibly lifelike.

Maybe next time, huh?

There we go.

C.D.

It came to me last night in a flash.

Yeah, what is that?

The thing, the gimmicks.

The Nelson promotional cow.

Whoa, we're talking to the chief.

You give her a name.

Susie, Esmeralda...

- Bossy.

- Bossy.

You put her picture in the corner

of our posters, drinking a beer.

Teach her to drink a beer.

These things work.

I think it's a fantastic idea.

- Do you like it?

- I do, I love it.

I think it's great.

Great idea, just...

I think it's brilliant.

What an idea.

And I was there. I saw it happen.

He took the idea,

he saw it ripe on the tree.

He plucked it,

and he put it in his pocket.

It's... It's... Dare I say, genius?

No, no, but maybe:

Maybe it is.

Maybe I'm in the presence

of greatness.

Maybe I just don't know it,

but I saw it.

- Hey, you meet C.D. Yet?

- The chief? No, not yet.

There's a little something

you should know.

I know. He's got a big nose, right?

Man, whatever you do, don't stare.

Look, I'm not gonna stare, come on.

None of us would, but you get there,

and you feel yourself not staring.

Then you think,

"It's obvious, I'm not staring."

So you look.

Then you think, "I'm staring."

So you say, "This is ridiculous,"

and you take a good look.

And you think, "I'm looking at a man

who, when he washes his face...

...loses the bar of soap."

Thanks, guys, okay.

Don't say we didn't warn you.

Do you see that on his face?

You think people go to Sun Valley...

...because they have

a great fire department?

No, no, work along with me.

You've gotta use promotion.

That way the town grows,

the fire department grows.

We all grow with it.

But you can't run a fire department

with the seven Banana Brothers.

You need professionals.

This town could be another Aspen.

You have any idea

how much money they make there?

C.D., as soon as this Oktoberfest

promotion is over...

...we'll see about getting

the funds back.

Ladies, drinks are on Chuck.

Like it?

Pure beaver.

No, I start to have a drink.

I'll have a drink, then I start to relax,

and then I start to have fun.

And it's not something I really

wanna start at this point in my life.

Heard you're tough.

I am.

But if you used a little tenderizer,

I might cook up pretty good.

A**hole.

Hey, where are you going,

big nose?

Pardon me?

You heard me, big nose.

- Is that it?

- Yeah.

Well, you really got me on that one,

didn't you?

Oh, wait a second.

- Go.

- What a waste of an opportunity.

What?

Well, I mean, you've got someone

standing in front of you with this...

...and all you can think up

is big nose.

I suppose you could think of

something better?

Yeah, I think I could think up

something better.

Come here.

Take this dart.

Whatever number you hit,

that's how many I'll think up.

All right, yeah.

Twenty? Sh*t.

Two out of three. Two out of three.

There you go.

Twenty.

Darts champion, Denver, 1987.

Come on, C.D.

Come on, Charlie, you can do it.

All right.

All right, 20 something betters.

Here it goes.

Start with obvious:

"Excuse me, is that your nose?

Or did a bus park on your face?"

Meteorological:

"Everybody take cover.

She's going to blow."

Fashionable:

"You know, you could de-emphasize

your nose...

...if you wore something larger,

like Wyoming."

Personal:
"Well, here we are,

just the three of us."

Punctual:
"Delman, your nose was on

time, but you were 15 minutes late."

Envious:

"Oh, I wish I were you.

Gosh,

to be able to smell your own ear."

Naughty:

"Some of the ladies have asked...

...if you wouldn't mind

putting that thing away."

Philosophical:

"You know, it's not the size of a nose

that's important.

It's what in it that matters."

Humorous:

"Laugh and the world laughs with you.

Sneeze and it's goodbye, Seattle."

Commercial:
"Hi, I'm Earl Scheib,

and I can paint that nose for 39.95."

Polite:

"Mind not bobbing your head?

The orchestra keeps changing tempo."

Melodic:
Everybody.

He's got the whole world

In his nose

Sympathetic:

"Oh, what happened?

Did your parents lose a bet with God?"

Complimentary:

"You must love the little birdies

to give them this to perch on."

Scientific:

"Say, does that thing there

influence the tides?"

Obscure:

"Whoa,

I'd hate to see the grindstone."

Well, think about it.

Inquiry:

"When you stop and smell the flowers,

are they afraid?"

French:

"Sir, the pigs have refused

to find any more truffles...

...until you leave."

Pornographic:

"Finally, a man who can satisfy

two women at once."

- How many is that?

- Fourteen, chief.

All right, all right.

Religious:

"The Lord giveth

and he just kept on giving, didn't he?"

Fifteen.

Disgusting:

"Say, who mows your nose hair?"

- Sixteen.

- Sixteen.

Paranoid:

"Keep that guy away

from my cocaine."

- Seventeen.

- Seventeen.

Aromatic:

"It must be wonderful

to wake up in the morning...

...and smell the coffee in Brazil."

Eighteen.

Appreciative:

"How original. Most people

just have their teeth capped."

Nineteen.

All right.

- One more.

- You can do it, C.D., one more.

- You can do it.

- Come on, C.D.

All right.

Dirty:

"Your name wouldn't be Dick,

would it?"

You smart-ass son of a b*tch.

You flat-faced, flat-nosed flat-head.

Hey.

All right.

Has he fallen yet?

How you doing?

Did that copy of

Being And Nothingness by Jean...?

Jean-Paul Sartre?

Yes, it did, I got it right here.

- It's all paid for.

- Great, okay, thanks a lot.

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