Roxanne Page #4

- All right, okay.

- "It ain't nothing," bro.

"Therefore my body is a conscious

structure of my consciousness."

Yeah. Thanks, Chris.

I was too embarrassed to go in there

and ask for it myself.

A little light reading, huh, Andy?

Hey, you know, I got 9000

for my house this summer.

Which one of the five?

The one down on Rush Street.

Well, that's the one Roxanne's in.

You're soaking her for $9000.

I am not.

You like her, don't you?

What's not to like?

- Why don't you ask her out?

- No, couldn't possibly fit her in.

I've got a 3:
00, I've got a 5:00,

and the women are just lined up.

- Mostly because of the old saying.

- Oh, yeah, what old saying?

The old saying about a man's nose.

- You know, relating to the size of...

- Of his what?

- Come on, everybody knows this.

- Come on.

- Hey, Sophie?

- Yeah.

You know the old saying

about a man's nose?

Oh, you mean how the size of a man's

nose relates to the size of his...?

Oh, my God.

I love doing that to them.

- Your tea, sir.

- Oh, thank you.

- And picks.

- Thanks, Berni.

You're welcome.

So why don't you ask her out?

Sometimes I walk around town

at night...

...and I see couples walking along

holding hands.

And I look at them and I think,

"Hey, why not me?"

And then I catch my shadow

on the wall.

Why don't you just get

that nose job?

- I did.

- Charlie.

No, it's the word. "Rhinoplasty."

I mean, it's so unpleasant.

It ranks up there with hemorrhoid.

Those are just two words

you really don't wanna get involved in.

What about a little cosmetics?

You know, some shading.

Along the sides and down the slope,

a little bit on the end.

- No, no, no.

- It really helps.

It's not me. I can't wear makeup.

- Hi.

- Hi, how are you?

- You should've stayed last night.

- Sorry, I pooped out.

- And you were great.

- I was okay.

- We were impressed.

- You were terrific.

Especially Roxanne.

She went on and on about you.

She did?

And I think she's fallen in love,

but she doesn't know it yet.

See you.

See you.

What does she mean,

she thinks she's fallen in love?

Well, it has been known to happen.

- The whole thing?

- Everything.

Oh, my God.

C.D., this is Chris McConnell.

Hey, it's a real pleasure meeting you.

Sorry we've been missing each other.

Are you all right?

I know you've met the guys.

How's your room?

It's hypnotic, isn't it?

It's huge.

It's enormous. It's gigantic.

They said it was big,

but I didn't expect it to be big.

Wanna shoot some pool?

Come on, rack them up.

We'll play a game, let's go.

Aren't you gonna kill me?

The guys said that...

Ordinarily, yeah, but not today.

Why not?

Because yesterday, she didn't.

But today, she does.

You finally got a sense of humor

about your nose, huh?

Rack them up.

Okay, turn on the hose.

All right, now, the secret

to moving a hose is in the rhythm.

To the left.

One and two and three.

To the right.

One and two and three.

Now forward.

One and two and three.

- Now back.

- Back?

One and two and three.

I can't stand this.

He's dancing

and we're fighting off...

- Go.

- Let's show the chief what we got.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, let's go, guys.

We can do it.

Okay, make room.

Make it stable, guys.

Guys, come on. Come on.

Turn it off. What are you doing?

Turn it off.

Hey.

Hey.

Go. Let's go, come on, come on.

Watch this, chief. Spin the horn.

Hold on, hold on, wait.

Shut it off, shut it off, shut it off.

Get a good stream.

Lean into it now, you gotta trust it.

Remember, water is your friend.

Now.

Okay, now, what's our signal

for charging the hose?

Remember, like Big Bird.

That's right, boys, Big Bird.

Just like on Sesame Street.

No, no, no.

- No, no, no.

- We'll catch you.

- Hit it.

- Watch it, come on, come on.

Roxanne, hi. It's me, Chuck.

- Hi.

- Oh, no, not again.

There he is. Back up a second.

Okay.

Flirting with Sophie

and Lydia again, huh?

Hey, Charlie, can I talk to you?

Well...

All right.

Hi, Charlie.

- See you later.

- Have a good time.

I got it.

Okay, was I right?

Yep, it's ugly.

It really is.

What I'm gonna say

is a little forward.

Good.

There's someone I think

I should get to know better.

Someone who I think likes me too.

Know what I mean?

Yeah.

I think he wants to talk to me.

I can see him trying, but he won't.

I like him for that.

Well, maybe this guy needs you

to make the first move.

That's why I'm talking to you.

So, what do you know

about this guy?

Well, I know he's interesting.

- Different.

- Yeah.

Intelligent.

Handsome.

He's what?

He's handsome.

See, isn't it amazing

if you have feelings for someone...

...how you can start to see them

as handsome?

Well, everyone thinks he is.

No, no, no, not everyone.

Believe me.

What are you talking about?

Nothing.

It's great.

It's great that he's all these things.

Yeah.

Well, I've only seen him a few times.

We've never even spoken.

We just exchanged

a couple of goofy looks.

So why are you telling me this?

He works for you.

His name's Chris McConnell.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- What's he like?

No, don't tell me.

I'll let it unfold.

Since you're gonna be working with

him, you could encourage him a little.

He may not say anything

all summer, and then I'll be gone.

If it comes up.

C.D.

Thanks.

I know I'm forward.

You know, you were really great

the other night.

It's the first time I've ever

seen anyone actually be brave.

I've been a lot braver since then.

This time I want you to do it, Dave.

I want you to cut the thing off!

I'm tired of having a magnificent,

fabulous, interesting nose.

I want a cute little pert,

little petite, little button nose.

- Give me the American beauty, Dave.

- C.D., you know I can't.

Yes, you can, Dave. You can do it.

Get the knife. Cut me, Dave. Cut it.

I can't.

Allergies to anesthetics

are very, very dangerous.

You know that.

You've been in comas before.

We'll do it the old-fashioned way.

Don't be stupid.

- I wanna look like Diana Ross.

- What you want is psychotherapy.

I can hear it now.

"Get used to it.

Eighty-five dollars, please."

Look, C.D., have you ever thought...

...that you were born with this nose

for a reason?

Oh, yeah.

Like opening Coke bottles.

Oh, sh*t.

Hey, Dave, could I look at

those nose cards one more time?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks, Dave.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Where's that one?

Hello, darling.

Haven't seen you in a while.

God, she's so beautiful.

I saw her in that bar,

and she's so pretty, I just...

She's interesting too.

Interesting, yeah.

Did you see her legs?

She's got a sense of humor also.

She wants to meet me? You sure?

I can't believe this. This is incredible.

God, my third day here.

Heard she's kind of smart too.

Astrology or something.

- Astronomy, yeah.

- Yeah, right.

God, we're gonna meet. Really?

God.

So, what do I do? What do I do?

So, what do I do?

How do I meet her?

I don't know.

Walk up to her on the street

and say hello?

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