Ruby Sparks Page #2

It's too stupid.

I love it when you say stupid things.

Oh, no, this is really profoundly stupid.

Okay.

Ugh.

Okay, so the guy I'm writing...

Yeah, what's his name?

Uh, Calvin.

I'm gonna change it.

Uh, anyway, there's a lot of me in him.

What I'm trying to say is...

...it's almost like I'm writing

to spend time with her.

Who?

The girl.

The one I'm writing. It's...

I go to sleep at night...

...just waiting to get to my typewriter

so I can be with her.

It's like...

It's like I'm falling in love with her.

That's wonderful.

I can't fall in love with a girl I write.

Why not?

Because she's not real.

Isn't she? Are you sure?

No. Yes.

She's some motherfucking product

of my imagination!

Oh, Lila treated me so badly.

I know.

Who leaves someone after

their father dies?

Someone who couldn't

love you properly.

Someone who is a heartless slut.

Okay.

Well, tell me about her.

I don't wanna talk about Lila anymore.

Well, I meant this girl that you're writing.

Tell me about her.

Ruby.

Ruby Sparks.

Twenty-six years old.

Raised in Dayton, Ohio.

- Why Dayton?

- Sounds romantic.

Ruby's first crushes were

Humphrey Bogart and John Lennon.

Cried the day she found out

they were already dead.

Ruby got kicked out of high school

for sleeping with her art teacher...

...or maybe her Spanish teacher.

I haven't decided yet.

Ruby can't drive.

She doesn't own a computer.

She hates her middle name,

which is Tiffany.

She always, always roots

for the underdog.

She's complicated.

That's what I like best about her.

Ruby's not so good at life sometimes.

She forgets to open bills

or cash checks and...

Her last boyfriend was 49.

The one before that was an alcoholic.

She can feel a change coming.

She's looking for it.

Looking for what?

Something new.

Feels good, right?

Can we stop a second?

Why? You all right?

Hey, Sue.

- Yeah?

They didn't have paprika,

so I got cumin.

Shh, shh!

They're the same thing, right?

Miles went down.

If you wake him, I will beat you.

Calvin? You need to thank me

because I cleaned your oven.

Thank you, Susie.

Oh, my woman.

Okay. You're sweaty.

Get your mitts off of me.

Susie, did you happen to sha...?

You didn't tell me you were getting laid.

Harry.

I'm just saying.

He claims to be writing too much

to haul his ass to our house.

But turns out,

he's just getting too much poon.

Harry, I swear to God...

I'm not getting any poon.

Oh, yeah?

Whose is that?

You tell me.

Oh, my God. Scotty.

It's Scotty's?

- No. Scotty...

Don't let the baby touch that.

Miles, don't...

Suse, he likes it.

- No, he doesn't like it.

Scotty's been dragging them in.

He seems to love it.

He goes through

my weird neighbor's garbage.

So that's a random dirty bra?

- It's dirty.

That's gross.

You made him cough.

Calvin, don't put it away.

Throw it away.

I swear, if your mother knew...

Calvin, what is this?

- What's what?

Nothing.

Harry, get over here.

Uh, please, don't.

Are these panties?

F*** off.

I swear,

Scotty's been dragging them in.

Right. Scotty.

Shut up.

Calvin, throw these away.

Hey, Susie, I'm gonna check on Harry.

- Okay.

Tell him we have to go soon.

- Okay.

So?

Where do you see this going?

Well, I don't know. I just started.

This is a love story, right?

Who reads love stories?

Women.

And I'm telling you,

no woman's gonna wanna read this.

Why not? It's romantic.

Quirky, messy women whose problems

only make them endearing are not real.

Period.

What do they say,

"write what you've been through"?

Write what you know.

Exactly. Write what you know.

I've known girls like Ruby.

Yeah?

Who?

Girls.

Lila?

Not f***ing Lila.

You've had one relationship.

For five years.

You never even lived together.

I'm telling you, Calvin,

the honeymoon sh*t, it doesn't last.

I know that.

Women are different up close.

I love Susie...

...but she's a weirdo.

Sometimes, she's mean as f***

for no reason.

She's a person.

You haven't written a person, okay?

You've written a girl.

All right, whatever.

Writers don't show their work

to people at this stage.

I might not even finish it.

Because...

And don't, like, tell people about it.

Listen. I'm not saying you can't write.

I'm saying...

...you don't know jack sh*t

about women.

Don't let those leftovers go to waste,

okay, skinny?

Gym tomorrow?

Uh, I'm seeing Cyrus.

Maybe Friday?

Friday.

- I know.

- You okay, bud?

Yes.

This thing is dripping everywhere.

How are you supposed to eat this thing?

What?

You're so not my type.

What do you mean I'm not your type?

I usually go for guys

who are a little more, um, assertive.

I'm assertive.

Ha, ha. No.

You're stubborn. That's different.

I had this one boyfriend...

...who told me I wasn't funny...

...but that I have a good sense

of humor...

...because I laughed at his jokes.

Why would you date a guy like that?

I was young.

You must have things you regret.

Not really.

Everything's been perfect so far.

Oh.

So that's what you're looking for

in a guy?

Douchiness?

I don't know.

I guess I was looking for you.

It just took me a while

to find you.

Ruby.

Jump!

What did you think

the first time you saw me?

I thought you were

the most beautiful girl I ever saw.

Were you disappointed

when you got to know me?

How can you ask that?

I'm such a mess.

I love your mess.

The first time I saw you, I thought:

"Look at that boy.

I'm going to love him

forever and ever and ever."

- What if you get sick of me?

- I won't.

I promise.

Hello. Sh*t.

Sh*t.

Hello. Damn it.

Okay. No.

Hello.

Cyrus.

Where the f*** are you?

Uh, sorry.

I was writing, I fell asleep.

I'll be right there.

Look, if you aren't ready

to talk about this, it's fine.

No... No, no.

I wanna show you what I have.

I think you're gonna be really excited.

Of course, I'll be excited. Okay, uh,

here's what I'll do. I'll push my lunch.

Okay. All right. Well, uh, if I leave now,

I should be there in 15 minutes.

All right.

If there isn't any traffic.

Oh, damn it. Scotty.

What?

Uh, nothing. Uh, my dog has to pee.

I'll, uh, put him in the backyard.

- I'll take him out.

Great. Thank you.

- Cal?

Cal?

Hello?

I missed you in bed last night.

Did you get some good writing done?

- Are you there?

Oh, God.

- Hey, you want a bite?

It's Crispix.

- I think I lost him.

God, it's happening.

It's really happening this time.

They're gonna hospitalize me.

What's wrong?

They all thought I was so smart,

but it turns out I was just batshit.

Calvin?

What the f***?

Calvin.

It's not real. It's not real.

It's not real.

Okay, you're dreaming.

You're dreaming.

You're dreaming...

...and you're going to wake up...

...right now.

Oh, sh*t.

Calvin? Are you mad at me?

- Oh.

Oh, God. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.

Doctor...

Hi, Dr. Rosenthal. It's Calvin Weir-Fields.

Something has come up...

...and I'd appreciate it if you called me

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes