Runaway Bride Page #4

BOB:

Come here, Mag, and try this on.

Maggie puts the paper on the kitchen counter and starts to read

aloud, paying no mind to Bob, who is sticking her arms through

the straps of the backpack.

MAGGIE:

Listen:
"Dear Ms. Carpenter, I

apologize to you for this unfortunate

matter. Ike Graham's column will no

longer be appearing in this paper.

Best of luck in you upcoming marriage!"

Bob continues to hold up the weight of the backpack as he straps

it onto Maggie's shoulders.

BOB:

That-a-girl! You sacked him.

(checking pack)

This is the weight of the pack you're

going to have to carry in the Himalayas.

Tell me if it's too heavy.

Bob lets go and Maggie FALLS BACKWARD, disappearing behind the

counter, and hitting the floor, with a THUD. Bob looks down at

her. Maggie's voice rises from the floor behind the counter.

MAGGIE (o.s.)

It's a little... It's a little heavy...

Help me, baby.

Bob has no answer. He reaches a hand down. He yelps as Maggie

pulls him down on top of her, out of frame. We HEAR them giggle

and kiss.

INT. USA TODAY LOADING DOCK - ANOTHER DAY

Fisher uses the dock for a photo shoot featuring men and women

in evening and formal wear from Escada for G.Q. Fisher is not

actually shooting the camera, but rather supervising it.

Fisher claps his hands and calls the models to attention. Then

he goes onto the stage and sets the models in their positions.

FISHER (cont'd)

Remember, we are putting the "fun" back

into formal.

(to Ike)

I just say that for the agency guys. I

don't even know what that means. Now

follow me.

INT. USA TODAY OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY

Elevator doors open. Ike and Fisher exit and walk towards the

coffee table.

FISHER:

Ike, I really liked the Runaway Bride

piece, and since I do freelance stuff

for G.Q., I'm in a different position

now...

IKE:

What are you trying to say to me, Fish?

They stop walking.

FISHER:

Vindication. How would you like to get

some? A chance to prove that, though

your facts weren't entirely straight,

your theory was correct.

IKE:

(hiding his hope)

The real story on Miss Carpenter.

FISHER:

All the gory details.

They start walking again.

IKE:

(excited)

The anatomy of the black widow spider

of Maryland.

FISHER:

It wouldn't be a bad way to get you

back into writing feature pieces

again.

IKE:

(enthusiastically)

This is good. It is a good story,

Fish.

They stop at the coffee table and grab something to eat.

FISHER:

(nods)

If she runs, then it's a cover story.

All true. All accurate.

IKE:

(confesses)

Okay, you were right. I hated my

column, but I can do this assignment.

FISHER:

Then you've got it. If you leave

tomorrow for the hinterlands, you'll

have plenty of time before her next

wedding trot.

IKE:

"Paid vindication" That's what I call

justice.

FISHER:

Justice, yes. Paid, I don't know.

They like the idea, but my hands are

tied with budget restraints.

IKE:

But I'll get my normal fee, right?

He walks away.

IKE:

You want me to do it on spec?!

He follows him.

CUT TO:

EXT. MARYLAND HIGHWAY - DAY

We see Ike driving down the highway. The car sputters a little

as he and Fisher continue their conversation in voice-over. (If

needed by the editor.)

FISHER (V.O.)

Don't say "spec" like it's a dirty word.

Nobody ever paid Shakespeare to write a

play! Plato never got a book advance...

IKE (V.O.)

Oh yeah! I happen to know from

reliable sources that Nietzche got

expenses and a rental car.

We hear Fisher laugh.

IKE (V.O.; cont'd)

I'm going to make this work, Fish. I'm

going to do it!

Ike's car drives into Hale, passing a billboard reading,

"Welcome to Hale."

CUT TO:

EXT. HALE STREET - DAY

Ike drives down picturesque Main Street. He passes Hale

Hardware. Sign says: "At Curl. Be back soon."

EXT. ATLANTIC HOTEL - DAY

A BARBERSHOP QUARTET is singing in front of the only hotel in

town. Ike pulls up and goes inside.

INT. LOBBY/ATLANTIC HOTEL - DAY

Ike has checked into the Atlantic Hotel. The clerk, LEE, hands

him his key. Ike asks about room service and the restaurant.

An OLDER WOMAN asks him if he plays bridge as he goes up the

stairs to his room.

EXT. HALE MAIN STREET - DAY

Ike exits his hotel as the Barber Shop Quartet finishes singing

"Camptown Races."

He now walks down the charming main artery of the town, looking

exactly like what he is: a cynical New York out of his element

on sunny Main Street, USA. KIDS ride by on bikes, streaming

balloons behind them. A balloon hits Ike on the face. As he

crosses the street, he mutters into his tape recorder:

IKE:

I think I'm in Maryberry.

Flags hang on all the storefronts and the place sparkles with

wholesome attitudes as PEOPLE greet each other familiarly. Ike

comes to beauty parlor called "Curl Up and Dye". The place is

doing business and crowded with WOMEN.

INT. BEAUTY PARLOR - DAY

Cindy, the manicurist, does Mrs. Pressman's nails. Maggie sits

on the floor next to Peggy's salon chair, fixing the base of a

barber chair. She tightens a screw and looks up, satisfied.

Cindy's dog is on the floor near Maggie.

MAGGIE:

Cindy, you better 86 Sprout. He seems

to be enjoying the petroleum

distillates.

Cindy rolls over in her chair, picks up her dog and rolls back

to her station.

CINDY:

That's it. Back to obedience school.

MAGGIE:

(to Peggy)

Okay -- have a seat... gently,

carefully.

Peggy sits in the chair. Maggie spins her around and around.

PEGGY:

(delighted as

she spins)

You're a goddess!

MAGGIE:

I didn't even need to change this

gasket, just put in a little hydraulic

fluid.

PEGGY:

Stop it. When you talk like that, I

get turned on and it frightens me.

JUST THEN. Ike enters the salon, taking off his sunglasses.

Peggy hops off the chair.

IKE:

Hello. I'm looking for Maggie

Carpenter. There was a sign at the

hardware store across the street...

PEGGY:

Are you a reporter?

It's a little early in the game for Ike to be thrown off guard.

IKE:

(shocked)

What?

PEGGY:

(eyeing his loafers)

It's been our experience that anyone

with some sort of gewgaw on his loafers

ends up being another big city reporter

wanting to interview Maggie.

IKE:

About her upcoming wedding and all.

PEGGY:

No, about her getting that a**hole from

New York fired.

Ike smiles down at his loafers and shrugs.

IKE:

I am just such a reporter. And you are?

PEGGY:

Peggy Phleming. Not the ice skater.

Peggy steps aside. Ike moves toward Cindy and Mrs. Pressman.

IKE:

And who are these lovely ladies?

Te ladies shake his hand and introduce themselves.

CINDY:

Cindy. Maggie's unmarried cousin.

MRS. PRESSMAN

Mrs. Pressman. No relation.

PEGGY:

And you are?

IKE:

(turning toward her)

Looking for Maggie.

PEGGY:

Yep. Maggie -- Someone to see you.

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