Running with Scissors Page #2

I'm sorry, Augusten.

I'm just very upset right now.

Sit down, Deirdre.

Good night, Augusten.

Now.

I'm gonna ask you a number of questions

if that's all right with you.

They may seem rather personal.

In fact, you may not see the relevance.

But I believe that's up to me,

as the doctor, to decide.

So,

your

anxiety level.

How would you describe it?

Well, I'm just frantic.

I'm very, very upset. I'm very anxious.

I feel very emotionally charged.

And I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.

Tell me about your bowel movements.

Have you noticed any changes

either in regularity,

or the shape and density

of the bowel matter itself?

Is that really...

I mean... Do we have to...

What I'm getting at is constipation.

Both literal and subconscious.

Are you constipated in your life, Deirdre?

Stuck?

I am.

I am stuck.

I understand you write a lot.

Are you energetic when you write? Frantic?

Well...

When I write I'm writing from

my unconscious. Or I'm trying to.

Do you have sex with your husband?

- Yes.

- Do you enjoy it?

Back to your anxiety for a moment.

You have thoughts of suicide, Deirdre?

Do you have suicidal thoughts?

Do you ever think of killing yourself?

And how often would you say

you have these thoughts of suicide?

Right after I have sex with my husband.

What are those?

Valium.

To quiet the nerves.

Is he an MD doctor?

Yes, and as I've told you 100 times,

he got his MD at Yale.

And you heard about this guy from where?

Dr. Nupal.

Augusten's allergist.

If you were more of a man and involved

in your son's life, you'd know who that was.

I smell manure.

I don't smell anything.

I do, I smell manure.

It's coming out of your ears.

F***ing b*tch.

I'm unhappy.

I'm unhappy.

Norman, if you're so unhappy,

why stay in this marriage?

I don't know why.

My son.

I don't think that's why you stay, Norman.

I think you stay because it's comfortable.

It's what you know.

You were trapped in your childhood

by a castrating mother,

and as an adult male you have sought

the same female archetype.

Well, that's just brilliant. And very true.

Deirdre, smoking is a great privilege

in my sanctuary.

But for you, I will allow it.

Thank you.

So you're saying we should split up?

In order to reach that conclusion, Norman,

I would need to see both you and Deirdre

on a regular and disciplined basis.

For five hours a day.

I'm available, Dr. Finch.

Five hours a day?

I can't do that. I have to work!

See, Dr. Finch, I told you.

I'm married to a narcissist.

Norman, if I'm willing to clear my schedule

to save your marriage but you're not,

then get out.

Leave this office, go home,

and start dividing your books

and your record albums.

This is bullshit.

This is really f***ing bullshit.

What are you writing?

"Norman Burroughs is homicidal.

He is an unapologetic alcoholic.

"He is dangerous, a threat to himself,

his wife and his child."

Finally, somebody sees.

Deirdre, express yourself. Let it out.

Tell Augusten and I why you are crying.

'Cause I...

I did love Norman once, long ago,

but I never should've married him.

So why did you?

He threatened to kill himself if I turned

down his proposal. I'm not a murderer.

I've failed as a wife and a mother.

Yes, you have.

But Deirdre,

you can't stay with a man

who doesn't see your gift.

You are a brilliant, brilliant poet.

Augusten, have you any questions

to ask me

concerning the state of

your parents' marriage?

I do have one question.

What's behind that door?

That?

That leads to an adjacent room

where I masturbate.

Dr. Finch...

As evolved as I may indeed be,

I'm still a human being, Deirdre.

A male human being.

I am still very much a man.

Would you like a tour?

What is this, Hope?

Jesus Christ, Dad!

You scared the sh*t out of me.

Hope, you've no business being in here!

This is my masturbatorium!

- And you're using my blanket.

- I was just taking a nap.

Nap? This is not the place for naps!

Go mind the telephone. Make fresh coffee.

Do your job, like a responsible woman.

He's leaving.

Now I can focus on my writing.

This is nice.

Maybe I'll become a doctor.

It's just down here, on the right.

That's not it.

Is it?

It can't be.

This is it, Augusten.

This is Dr. Finch's house.

No doctor lives here.

Hello, Agnes.

Hello, Deirdre. Come in.

Oh, Freud.

Well, you must be Augusten,

isn't that right?

Yes, well, I'm Agnes. I'm Dr. Finch's wife.

Well, make yourselves at home.

I'll go get the doctor.

I'll wait in the car.

No, no, you will not wait in the car.

It'll be hours and it's rude.

You just stay here.

Get along with the Finch children.

Up here, Deirdre.

Abigail,

what are you doing here?

Would you like to try some?

No.

Thanks.

Why does everybody make such a fuss?

It's just a little kibble.

That stuff's not clean.

It's for dogs.

Well, I guess you're afraid

to try new things, Augusten.

Sad.

Isn't it a little early for Christmas?

You mean late.

It's been up for two years.

I just pooped.

Oh, way to go, kiddie-poo.

Hey.

I'm Natalie. The other daughter.

- Augusten.

- I know.

What's with the clothes, choir boy?

Are you going to church?

I just pooped.

John Moses is the kid

of one of my dad's patients.

We watch him sometimes.

Come on, I'm supposed to

keep you occupied.

- What is it?

- It's an electroshock therapy machine.

My dad used to use it on patients

all the time.

Until the police came.

Come on, it'll be a wicked blast.

Help me move it.

So why is Dr. Finch seeing patients

in his house now?

Well, you know how President Carter makes

us drive 40 miles out of our way to buy gas?

Because we're in...

An energy crisis?

Right.

Well, that means people don't have

extra money for luxuries like mental health,

so he's lost a lot of patients.

He's downsizing.

Are you ready?

For what?

Are you retarded?

To play doctor.

Okay. Well, I'll be the doctor

and you can be the nurse.

I'm not gonna be some c*nt-licking nurse.

I'll be my father and you be your mother.

Okay.

How are we feeling today, Deirdre?

I'm blocked, Dr. Finch.

I can't tap into my subconscious.

I feel I do have a classic in me.

I feel I am owed a Pulitzer Prize,

even though I've only published one book

I paid for myself.

It's very clear to me now.

There's only one treatment available

that could resurrect your creative spirit.

Electroshock therapy.

We'll start with 1000 volts.

Is this gonna hurt?

Well, maybe if you pass out you won't

have to go to school.

Put in the mouth guard.

What are you guys doing?

He's repressing a memory. We need to

go deep into his subconscious mind.

Awesome. But can you do it later?

Dad wants to see Augusten in the kitchen.

We have to get you in a place

where you will feel.

Feel warm and you will feel...

Take a seat, son.

Augusten, your mother is in a state of crisis.

That's an understatement.

Your mother is in trouble with your father.

Your father may want to murder

your mother.

Murder?

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