Running with Scissors Page #4

Oh, God. God.

I wish you enjoyed school more.

Although I guess it must be very dull

compared to your life with me.

Would you hand me my cover-up? I'm chilly.

Watch it, Augusten!

I've got a lit cigarette in my hand.

Don't act out in anger.

If you're upset by this, talk to me about it.

How could I not have known?

How long has this been happening?

I've been in love with Fern

for a very long time.

Our relationship became physical

a number of weeks ago.

The intimate details

are between me and Fern.

Journal, I'm confused.

How can my mother be with Fern?

Fern drives a Chevy Nova.

I worry about you so.

I worry about you in school.

- The law says you have to go.

- Well, f*** that!

Augusten, please don't smoke

my cigarettes.

You have a pack of your own.

- Although I wish you wouldn't smoke.

- Well, I do.

All my life I've been oppressed, Augusten.

And all my life I've worked hard

to fight that oppression.

When I was a little girl

living in Cairo, Georgia,

I had a black nanny named Elsa who

lived in a shack on the other side of town.

And in those days black people

were called n*ggers.

And I knew that word "n*gger"

was a dirty word.

And I knew it was a word

filled with hatred and anger.

I knew Elsa was no n*gger.

I knew it was wrong.

It's taken me all my life

to claim myself as an artist

and to claim myself as a woman.

I have struggled against

the oppression of my mother

and the oppression of your father,

and for the first time in my life

I feel I am truly able to claim myself.

And so, Augusten, I hope I have

your support in my relationship with Fern

because at this stage in my life I do not

need and I will not accept more oppression.

I have spent my entire life

fighting oppression.

I hope I don't have to fight you too.

Can I have $5?

"May I have $5?"

Why?

So I can skip school tomorrow

and go to the movies.

Go get my pocketbook. I'll take a look.

Do you like my new house?

I need high ceilings.

So, you've been spending a lot of time

at the Finches' house.

Are there other options I'm not aware of?

What is this?

Adoption papers.

Dr. Finch has agreed to become

your legal guardian.

What?

After discussing this with the doctor,

we both feel this really is the best option.

He and his family can give you

the attention you need.

You're giving me away to your shrink?

No.

I'm doing what's best for you.

What's best for us.

I love you very, very much.

I will always be your parent.

And you will always be my child.

And my f***ing father

won't even give me money for food.

He won't take my calls.

Yeah. He's basically worthless.

Just like my mom.

Just like the f***ing nuns who beat me.

God.

Sometimes I feel like just taking

a butcher knife and just stabbing them both.

I understand.

You're the only one who does.

How close are you to Bookman, Augusten?

It started out as just friends,

and now it's more than that.

This is a sexual relationship?

Bookman isn't a stable man.

His problems run very, very deep.

He seems okay.

Well, I'm not saying you can't see him.

After all, as you say,

you are already involved.

But I just want you to keep me abreast

of the situation.

Fine.

Now, would you like some of these?

What are they?

Well, I just got some samples in the mail,

so I don't know.

So let me see.

This is mild anti-anxiety medication

which might help you feel a little calmer...

I'm calm.

...when I tell you

you have to go to school.

- I go to school.

- I'm on to your clever tricks, son.

I know you stay until homeroom, when

they do attendance, and then you skip out.

I know when you've been naughty.

What are you, Santa Claus?

If by that you're asking

am I the great patriarch, the father-giver,

who fulfills wishes and challenges dreams

and brings merriment

to those who are suffering,

well, then yes, Augusten, I am Santa Claus.

I'm not going!

You're in junior high, for Christ's sake.

It can't be that bad.

I don't fit in.

Where would we be

without our painful childhoods?

Well, the only loophole, or way I can see

of getting you out of school

for any considerable length of time,

would be for you to commit suicide.

- You want me to kill myself?

- Well, if you try to kill yourself,

I could explain to the school board

that you are psychologically unfit to attend,

and that you needed intensive treatment.

It would be a staged suicide attempt.

Of course, your poor mother would have

to find you and drive you to the hospital,

where you would stay for three weeks,

or a month, for observation.

I don't know, it doesn't... I don't...

Augusten.

Where is your spirit of adventure?

Augusten, stay with us!

You're in a hospital. We gotta get

these pills out of your stomach.

Oh, God, Augusten, wake up!

Don't you die on me! Wake up! Augusten!

Wake up! Wake up!

Please, stop! Please!

No, please!

I can't breathe.

No, get away from me! Get away!

The lady at the store said it has illustrations

of all the procedures

that cosmetology students have to master

before they earn their license.

Cold waves. Those are really hard.

Well, now you can learn how to do them.

It's good to have a dream, Augusten.

Dreams get you through the hard times.

What's your dream?

Me?

I was never fancy enough

to have one of those.

I was always too busy.

Working.

Well, so the doctor could go to school and...

No.

Then the kids came and...

Raising a family keeps you on the run and...

Maybe that was your dream.

To have a family.

Yes.

That was a dream.

It's a good one to have.

Hello?

Fern, it's me.

Why can't we do it?

Get out.

I miss you.

I miss the smell of you.

Who is it?

I'm not interested in what you're selling.

Please don't call here again.

Sh*t!

Sh*t! It's all sh*t!

I'm digging this new look.

I think you look much better.

Oh, my f***ing hair! Oh, my God!

That was funny.

You should be laughing.

You know what, Augusten?

I'm not gonna throw you a pity party.

So f***ing just get over yourself.

F*** you, Natalie. You don't know

what it's like to be sent away.

You're right, I don't.

And you don't know what it's like to

have a boyfriend that's just using you!

Lucky me.

Who's Terrence Maxwell, Natalie?

I've never heard of him.

Tell me who he is.

- Tell me who he is.

- Shut up.

- It kills you, doesn't it?

- Shut up.

- Let it out!

- Shut up.

- Tell me who he is, Natalie!

- Shut up.

Tell me so I don't feel so alone!

He was the only one I ever loved

and he doesn't want me anymore!

Do you feel better?

A little bit.

How'd you meet him?

Terrence started seeing my dad

after his mom died.

She left him everything.

He was 41 when I was 13.

He told me I was pretty.

And he made me believe it.

One day he broke my collar bone

and I had to hitchhike

to the emergency room,

and I passed out on the side of the road

and somebody found me.

My dad told him that he would press

charges and that he would go to jail,

unless he donated money

to my college fund.

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