Sailor Beware Page #7

- That old calliope

- What a sight to see

- Oh, what a melody

- What a melody

- On the old calliope

- Old calliope

- So loud and clear

- So loud and clear

- That thrilling harmony

- That thrilling harmony

- Gather round

- Gather round

- The minstrel's show's in town

- The minstrel's show's in town

There's the interlocutor

And Mr. Bones so full of life

Who's that lady

You were with last night?

That was no lady

That was my wife

- Ha ha

- Ha ha

- Ho ho

- Ho ho

- What a show what a show

- What a show what a show

- What a show

- What a show

Says the interlocutor

To Mr. Bones so full of pride

- Why does a chicken cross the road?

- Why, to get to that other side

I love to hear

An old calliope

I love the melody

Of an old calliope

And when you hear

That thrilling harmony

- Gather round

- Gather round

- The minstrel's show's in town

- The minstrel's show's in town

We're going to take you with us

wherever we go.

With that voice of yours,

we'll get free drinks all over the world.

- Okay.

- What'll you have?

Ginger ale. Then I wanna go home.

I don't think Corinne is gonna show up.

There she blows.

Who's the tugboat with her?

Oh, that's her secretary.

Her first line of defense.

Wow.

Hold fast.

Here's to Corinne.

- Here's to Hilda.

- To dames.

Women.

Hello, Corinne, baby.

Remember me?

Miss Calvet to you.

Now go away, sailor, will you?

Oh, just testing. Same old Corinne.

All right, come on, champ.

Now you can do it.

Yeah, she can't resist you.

- I want Hilda.

- After all the dough we've got on you?

Go on, lover boy,

take a crack at Miss Hard-to-get.

And keep an eye on him,

because pretty soon everything on him

belongs to me.

I wish everything on me

belonged to somebody.

The way I'm ticking, my heart could stop

and I wouldn't know it for two days.

- You ready, Melvin?

- No, I'm scared.

Come on,

there's nothing to worry about.

- Come on, Melvin.

- Come on.

- All right.

- Atta boy.

- Good luck, Melvin.

- You can do it.

Watch this.

Hi, girls.

Don't say a word. Maybe they'll go away.

- Sit down, Melvin.

- Thank you.

Oh, pardon me,

but my name is Melvin Jones.

Would you like a sarsaparilla?

You sure he's a sailor?

Oh, sure. He's a wonderful guy

once you get to know him.

- We won't be around that long.

- Let's you and I dance.

Oh, I'd love...

Miss Calvet and I have

an agreement with the management.

We can't mingle with the guests,

especially sailors.

We only have an hour.

What can happen in an hour?

Now I'm not sure you're a sailor.

Go ahead. This one looks safe.

I don't feel safe.

- Do you have a light?

- Oh, I don't smoke.

- Do you mind if I do?

- Oh, yes, I do.

You see, the smoke irritates

the membranes in my nose.

Then my uvula becomes

edematous and...

Why don't you speak English?

Oh, I am. That means I can't breathe.

Well, I'm starting to feel that way, too.

Oh. You know, I wanted to say that...

- Well...

- Sailor, I don't know

what you and your friend have in mind,

but please count me out of it, will you?

- I think I better leave.

- I'm sorry.

You're not bad at all.

You're the quiet type, aren't you?

Not the wolf type.

May I walk with you?

Now, you see,

why did you have to spoil everything?

Just like the other sailors.

My answer is the same to everyone.

No.

Hello, Corinne.

How about me taking you

to the base gym tonight

to see the Navy Relief Smoker?

Sailor, I'd love to,

but this is a public appearance,

- not a private one.

- Yeah, and excuse me, sir, I'm with her.

Oh, go pick a coconut, sailor.

- Oh, no, I have an appointment with her.

- Well, I just cancelled it.

What do you mean by barging in

when I'm talking to a lady?

Shove off before

I belt you where you breathe!

Take your hand off me.

You're wrinkling this suit.

Now, stop, both of you!

- You coward, hiding behind a lady.

- Why, you!

All right, men, that's enough.

There'll be no brawling in public.

- What seems to be the trouble, Melvin?

- No trouble, Al.

It's a good thing you came along,

Lieutenant. I'd have smashed him.

I'm Lieutenant Conners,

Base Recreation Officer.

There's no use wasting a good fight.

You fellas can settle your score

at the base gym tonight.

I'd have given him the old one-two, Al.

Three, four, seven, eight, nine.

- The base gym?

- The fights start at 8:00.

And you better be there

promptly, too, buddy.

- And if I ain't there, start without me.

- Come on, Melvin.

Well, he started it, Al.

I would've given him a shot...

Why'd you put

the bandage on my hands

before you put the gloves on?

So when you hit him,

you won't break your knuckles.

Why don't you put some on my shoes

so I won't wear them out

from running away from him?

Now, look, Melvin, half the fights are

won in the locker room.

- You got to wage psychological warfare.

- What?

He's just as scared as you are.

Act like this is nothing to you.

Make him believe you've been a fighter

all your life.

Then he'll be so scared that when

you lift your arm, he'll fall right down.

Yeah?

I wouldn't let anything happen to you,

would I?

We'll soon find out.

Put on the act right now. Go ahead.

Listen, Melvin,

how long you been fighting?

Oh...

I been fighting now

for about sisteen years.

- Sisteen?

- Yeah.

- Oh, it's about sisteen years.

- Sisteen. What do you mean?

- Sisteen. Fourteen, fifteen, sisteen.

- Sisteen.

Oh, sure. How many fights have you

had altogether?

Oh...

Altogether now, when you add them up,

I had

- 101 fights.101.

- Yeah.

- I win them all but a hundred.

- Good.

Where... Let's see,

where are you from originally?

- Oh, I moved.

- You moved?

Yeah. Originally I come from

Newark, New Jersey.

That's my hometown.

And I started fighting there,

I was just a kid.

- I think I was...

- How old were you?

- Oh, about sisteen years old.

- Sisteen?

- Like before. Fourteen, fifteen, sisteen.

- Sisteen. Yeah, sure.

Well, who was your toughest fight?

The toughest fight I had was

with Gene Tierney.

- That was the toughest fight.

- Gene Tierney.

You mean Gene Tunney.

You fight who you want,

I fight who I want.

Oh, yeah, I got it. Listen...

You know, there are a lot of different

types of fighters in here, right?

There're body punchers

and left hookers.

- What are you, a boxer?

- No, I'm a cocker spaniel.

What do you think I am?

Sure, I'm a boxer.

- I'm a very, very crowd-pleasing boxer.

- Crowd pleasing?

Crowd-pleasing. I was fighting about

two and a half months ago

- at the Howwood Wegion in California.

- Howwood Wegion?

- The Howwood Wegion.

- Howwood Wegion.

- Howwood Wegion in California.

- The Howwood Wegion?

- The Hollywood Legion in California.

- California! Oh.

I'm fighting there.

I'm sitting in my dressing room,

minding my own business.

A guy came backstage and says to me.

He says to me,

"Kid, I'll give you

a tousand dollars if you do..."

No, he said he'd give you

a thousand dollars.

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