Sam Whiskey Page #4

That's what we gonna do.

You know somethin', O.W.?

I don't think he likes us.

Haul! Haul!

Put your backs into it.

That's more like it. Haul!

I had that guy...

To hear you talk, Stanley,

you'd think you'd done all the fightin'!

I had a hold of him, didn't I?

You got more pollywog blood in you

than fightin' blood! I'll tell you that!

- All he did was ride.

- I got a crick in my neck.

Ready?

Ready.

"Presented to O.W. Bandy

"by his loving parents, Jonah and Ruth.

"Have mercy upon us, Oh, Lord.

"Consider my trouble which I suffer

at the hands of them who hate me."

13th verse, 9th Psalm.

"Have mercy upon us, oh, Lord.

"Thou that lifteth me up

from the gates of death."

Gentlemen, they're all yours.

Say, you know, I think maybe

Sam didn't drown after all.

Either that, or that's the liveliest pair

of underwear I have ever seen.

Sure is lovely stuff.

Sure is.

O.W.! Let's get goin'!

Well, that way is Denver.

And that way is Mexico.

Mr. Whiskey!

Hi.

Hiya.

Hello.

Mr. Whiskey, hi!

Tell me something. You had much trouble

finding us here in the middle of nowhere?

Calculations. A lady has ways

of making calculations.

You like my perfume?

Well, I don't pay much attention to

that kind of stuff during business hours.

Of course you don't.

Now, would a blueprint of the mint be

something you would pay attention to?

I might.

And if I showed you some photographs?

That'd be nice.

Now, this is the mint building

from the outside.

And these are the architectural plans.

Uncle Morgan buys them

from the Treasury Department.

You know, that gold must weigh

damn near a thousand pounds.

How do you think I'm gonna get it

through the front door,

carry it in my back pocket?

This is the floor plan of the vault room.

I'll tell ya somethin' else,

you know we damn near

got killed twice since we left Pawnee?

I'll bet that was Fat Henry Hobson.

Somehow, he found out about that gold

and has been trying to get

his hands on it ever since.

What do you mean? Why the hell didn't

you tell me about Fat Henry Hobson?

I wasn't sure he was still at it.

And, besides, I knew you could

take care of anything that happened.

Wonderful.

How'd you know that?

Well, because I do.

Just like I know you can take care of those

extra guards they've assigned to the mint.

- What extra guards?

- Well, they always do that just...

What the hell you talkin' about,

extra guards?

Before they have minting,

they put on extra guards,

and I just found out about it.

Look, lady, maybe you think

I don't mind going to prison for 20 years,

but what about my friends

back there, O.W. and Jed?

Honey, I know you can manage.

All you have to do is put your mind...

All I have to do is get

the hell outta this buggy,

give you back your money, and quit.

Bushwhackers, extra guards,

what the hell you gonna do...

If you just let me show you the plans.

I've got the blueprints.

Sam, I know you can figure out

a way. You promised.

I did?

Well, if I only knew exactly how many

guards there were on each floor.

I could find out.

Good.

Only that doesn't solve getting in.

Getting in. That's the problem.

I know.

Takes careful planning.

It does.

One little mistake, and we'll

regret it the rest of our lives.

You're right.

I can't afford to take

any unnecessary chances.

I agree.

Well, I'll figure out a way somehow.

I know you will.

I'll raise ya two gold bars.

What's that?

Poulet Chateau.

I should've had some white wine.

If you ever go to jail, lady, I bet

the warden's gonna ask you to marry him.

And make you the chief cook

of the whole establishment.

Cards?

I'll take one.

Sam, you mind if I ask you

a personal question?

Did you cheat just then?

Sam, it's not my gold.

It belongs to the U.S. men in Denver.

Now, why do you cheat?

Well, I may never get a chance again

to cheat for a pot that size.

Gentlemen...

Dinner is served.

We shouldn't have much trouble.

All we have to do is fight

half the United States Army, then...

...fly in a window like a bird.

With a quarter million dollars

worth of gold on your tail.

Nothin' to it.

Yeah.

I'll go on to the hotel. You see

if you can find a blacksmith's shop.

Git up.

That looks like it'll do.

Well, let's see if he's interested in money.

Git up.

- Howdy, friend.

- Howdy.

Nice lookin' place you got here.

Thank you.

I was just wondering,

you do your business cash or credit?

Cash.

Like this?

That'll do.

What kind of forge you got?

Smithfield.

You fellas want your horses shod?

No, thanks.

My friend here is a smith himself.

Wants to bend a little iron.

Take him about a week.

In my shop? I don't let nobody

mess around in my shop.

You ever think about takin'

a vacation for a week? Goin' fishin'?

You mean, and you do

the smithin' yourself?

That's the idea.

Well, I don't know.

I just don't like

strangers usin' my tools.

And... Mister...

- You made yourself a deal!

- Fine!

Now, you rest up. Do a little fishin'.

We'll see you back here next Friday.

You rest up and do some fishin'.

Me, I'm gonna spend a whole week

down at Fanny Barton's place.

How big is that bust of Washington?

Life-size.

What about this empty building next door

to the mint, how far away is it?

Honey, if you're thinking about a tunnel,

there's no time.

Why not?

Well, I just found out the mint inspector's

coming in on the train tonight.

Tonight?

He starts checking day after tomorrow.

- You know what I like about you?

- My $20,000.

No.

These little surprises.

Just how in the hell am I supposed

to get the real gold into the mint

and the phony gold out of the mint

in 48 hours?

Darling, I have supreme confidence in you.

That's wonderful.

What time is the train due?

Oh, not until 11:15.

He's a new man.

Never been to Denver before.

His name is Thorston Bromley.

Do you know what he looks like?

Well, he's about your size.

Maybe a little smaller.

He wears glasses.

Wait, honey, I wanna talk to you!

I have to tell you something!

Wait! I wanna talk to you!

No!

- I wanna talk to you!

- Leave me alone!

- Leave me!

- Hold it.

- Get out of the way!

- Please help me.

Unhand her, sir. Leave the lady alone!

Will you stop it!

Thank you so much for helping me.

The Garden Hotel, please.

Yes, ma'am.

So far so good.

Say, Sam, what was it

I'm supposed to say again?

Aha! I caught you trifling with my wife.

Aha. I caught you trifling with my wife.

Aha! I caught you trifling with my wife!

I caught you trifling with my...

Thank you so much, Mr. Bromley.

Isn't that what you said your name was?

That's right.

Well, I'm quite sure you're safe now.

Couldn't you stay with me

just a little longer?

Only until my nerves settle down.

Can I get you something?

I have a business appointment.

What kind of business appointment?

I'll bet you're a traveling salesman

or something exciting like that.

No, Madame. As a matter of fact,

I work for the United States government.

The government! Isn't that marvelous?

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