Santa Hunters Page #2

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a big kids person.

She's violently allergic to

Christmas trees and... and kids.

She's from Moosplaskistan.

Yeah, it's Eastern Europe.

They got weird stuff over there.

Ooh, almost forgot.

Got a couple presents for the kids.

Charlie... It's not much.

You know, I'm kind of

employment-challenged at the moment.

I had a couple of unfortunate

alarm clock malfunctions.

Turns out that doughnut

shops place a high priority

on waking up before... Before noonish.

I like to... Oh, Charlie.

No, no, no, it's good.

Just had to sell my comic

book collection and my...

My vintage action figures, but, um...

But, you know, it's all part of the...

The Charlie reboot, Charlie 2.0.

Well, 2.0 or 1.0,

we're just glad you're here.

Thanks.

We wish you a merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Good tidings we bring

to you and your kin

Good tidings for Christmas

and a happy New Year

We wish you a merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Where are you kids going?

Uh, we're going... caroling.

In the backyard?

Uh... For squirrels.

Squirrels.

Oh, all right.

Come on, guys, let's go to the tree house.

All right. Okay.

Zoey will be on the second floor.

I'll be by the secondary

tree in the family room.

Elizabeth and Richard will be...

Okay, guys, who ate Richard?

I did it. I confess.

I ate myself... for security reasons.

And I tasted good.

Zoey and I preset a few

strategic stationary cameras.

Hey.

Oh!

Once Santa's in the nest,

all exterior access will be locked down.

We sealed the windows earlier today.

Well...

Would you cut it out with the toys, please?

It's a drone. I'm a woman of science.

I don't play with toys.

All footage will be wirelessly transmitted

back to the command center

and stored on a field-ready

digital video recorder

much like the one we have here.

It's the same one they used on

"Sasquatch Stalkers."

Are we gonna be much longer?

I have to wee-wee.

There's cameras in each

of the first-floor rooms,

the foyer, the chandelier,

and in the Christmas tree.

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho?

Isn't it too early for a "ho, ho, ho"?

Ho, ho, ho!

Um... uh,

according to the "Sleigh-Dar" Santa Chaser,

uh, he should be around North Africa.

It's definitely not Santa.

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Alpine stations, people.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Oh, man, the old tree

house is looking good.

Oh, uh, Mom wants you

kids back in the house

because Grandpa's about to break out

"'Twas the Night Before Christmas."

Oh... wow, look at that.

You kids planning a toy store heist?

No, we're just playing,

um, the, uh, Ginger Games.

Yeah, uh,

gingerbread men fight to the death.

Loser gets eaten.

Guys, we can tell Uncle Charlie.

He's one of us.

He's a true believer.

We're on a top-secret mission.

We're hunting San...

Charlie!

Oh, hey, snoopy-poopy!

You gotta come up here and

check out this tree house.

It is awesome.

I built this baby with my own two hands.

I can fix that.

I am not coming up there!

It's time to go.

I feel an infection coming on.

Okay, give... Give me a minute.

I'll come down, and we can...

We can talk about it, all right?

I miss you, milaya moya.

That's Moosplakistanian for "my sweet."

Or maybe it's "my stink."

I'm not real strong with the language.

Playtime's over!

Grown men don't play in house in trees!

But, baby...

Come down here now

before disease-infested

brats breathe germs on you.

Wow,

sounds like somebody needs to be visited

by the Ghost of Christmas Past,

Present, and Future.

All right, I'm coming down.

I gotta...

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Merry Christmas, Uncle Charlie.

Coming, baby.

When out on the lawn

there rose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to

see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

tore open the shutters,

and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast

of the new-fallen snow

gave the luster of midday to objects below.

Merry, merry Christmas.

You guys drive very safe...

So...

you kids must be all

excited about Santa coming.

Is that happening tonight?

What's Christmas?

I'm just really tired.

Well, off to bed.

Good night. Good night.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, guys.

Shh.

Hi.

Yeah.

Parent alert.

Come on, guys.

It's go time.

Let's do this.

Yeah.

Make sure you wear these at all times.

It's got a wireless spy

cam affixed to the base.

The earpiece is voice-controlled.

Make sure your body cams are on.

What is that?

It's my tiara cam.

It's functional... and super cute.

Locked and loaded, chief.

30 rounds of glow-in-the-dark paintballs.

Tag Santa with one of these

and he won't be able to hide in the dark.

You're definitely gonna shoot your eye out.

Wireless hard drive is a 5-by-5, chief.

Everything as of right now is

being streamed and recorded.

All right, team, hunting season starts now.

Dining room cam, nothing.

Tree cam, boring.

Kitchen cam, nothing.

Aquarium cam... fish bubbles and fish poop.

And I've spun too much.

Living room's clear.

Slayer II in position.

You're not Slayer II. We discussed this.

Roger that, boss man.

Roger?

If he can be Roger, I wanna be Ariel.

Nobody's gonna be Ariel

or Roger or Slayer II.

This is science, people...

Normal names, science.

Cut it out! Tyrant.

How can I make science

with all this dysfunction?

Launching drone.

Okay, we're clear, no UFOs.

I'm going to set her down on the roof.

That explains his breath.

Whoa! Alex, I got something!

What? What is it?

A... A present.

Upstairs, laundry room.

It wasn't there before.

What? What are you waiting for?

You're the only one who

isn't guarding a perimeter.

You've gotta check it out.

What if it's a trap?

Zoey, man up.

You got this.

Ow!

Hm.

Whoa!

Zoey, what do you got?

A box...

a big, weird, creepy box with a bow.

I'm going in.

Zoey!

What's in the box, Zoey? What's in the box?

You should've seen your face.

Ha, ha.

Ow! Ow!

Ow, that hurts!

You're lucky I don't

wanna wake the parents up,

or I'd really give you

something to scream about.

Zoey, stop killing Richard.

Ow!

Get back here.

We got a bogey on the second-floor hallway.

Go, go, go!

Santa?

Code gray... I repeat, code gray.

Grandpa's headed right at you.

She's trapped.

Ohh...

Ew!

This is gonna be bad.

Grandpa ate three bowls of

Aunt Carol's Christmas chili.

It's burning my eyes.

Ooh! Ooh.

I don't wanna die like this.

We gotta get her out of there.

We can't compromise the mission.

I don't think I can ever hug Grandpa again.

Hang in there, soldier. Be strong.

None of us signed up for

biological warfare.

Oh, my gosh!

That smells. That smells.

That smells. That smells.

That smells.

Zoey, talk to me. Talk to me.

That smells. That smells. That smells.

I need to shower and bathe

and power-wash my eyeballs.

Ew! Now, the smell's on me!

What?

That's sector three...

Outside window above the porch.

Visualize the gingerbread, people.

It's him. He's here.

We've got nothing on surveillance.

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