Sausage Party

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1

Oh, frick Carl. Carl. Carl, Carl! Dude, we

slept in again. The song's about to start!

Sh*t, Frank! We can't miss the song.

Barry, wake up!

What? What? I'm up. I'm up.

This song is such an awesome way

to start every morning.

It's a nice way of showing the gods how

much we appreciate everything they'll do...

once they take us out those doors

to the Great Beyond.

God, I love them so f***ing much.

Oh, sh*t! Cam's about to start singing!

- Drop it, Corn! You got the best voice!

- You're the man, Corn!

You rule! Take it away, brah!

Dear gods

You're so divine in each and every way

To you we pray

Dear gods

We pledge our love to you

Forever more

We always felt we had a special bond

Take us to the Great Beyond

Where we're sure

Nothing bad happens to food

Once we're out the sliding doors

Things will all be grand

We will live our dreams together

In the Promised Land

The gods control our fate

So we all know we're in good hands

We're super sure there's nothing shitty

Waiting for us in the Great Beyond

And every aisle

Thinks something different

Holy sh*t, I've been chosen!

Ha-ha-ha.

But to this we all agree

Booyah, b*tches, I'm out of here!

Everyone else is f***in' stupid

Except for those who think like me

- And me!

- And me!

And me!

Out there

For all eternity we'll meditate

How f***ing great

Out there

We'll get to tea-bag every day at 4

- Pip!

- Pip!

We'll shove pimentos up our ass

By Zeus

We'll exterminate the juice

Und subjugate

The whole damn Great Beyond

In here

We keep our wieners in our packages

That's how it is

It sucks

But that's the way

Our buns keep fresh and pure

Baby, baby

But once we're out the doors

It's not a sin

For us to let you

Slip it in

In other words

We finally get to f***

- And love, and hug

- And f***, and f***

- And feel, and share

- And f***

The gods will always care for us

They won't squeeze us out their butts

We cannot overstate

How confident we are

That our beliefs are accurate

And nothing awful happens to us

In the Great Beyond

Kiss my brownish-yellow ass!

I'm going to the Great Beyond,

motherfuckers!

We need

an extra cashier to the front, please.

Boo and yah, motherfuckers.

Red, White and Blue Day is tomorrow!

Dudes, basically every single sausage...

gets chosen on

Red, White and Blue Day.

By this time tomorrow, we're all gonna be

5 inches deep in some bun, son.

- Ba-bam.

- Oh, my God, yes.

Ha-ha. More like 3 inches deep for Barry,

you deformed nerd.

Ha-ha. Troy, that's funny.

You see, this is why I can't wait

for the Great Beyond.

We'll all be equal, and then jerks like

Troy won't be picking on me all the time...

on account of my abnormality.

Whatever, Barry. You're different,

and that makes you weird.

Ignore that prick, Barry.

He's full of sh*t.

And don't forget,

you've got girth.

That's way more important than length.

You're a f***ing champ.

You know, I am girthy. I could fill a bun.

They'll know I'm there.

I'm sure there's some kind of

smushed bun out there waiting for me.

- Sh*t, it's the Dark Lord!

- Oh, no. He's coming.

No, wait! I'm still fresh. I swear!

I'm still fresh!

- Did he see us?

- No way.

- We're f***ed, bros!

- Oh, God, no!

Take anyone but us, please!

- Oh, no! No!

- No!

- No! No!

- Why us?!

F*** you, wienies.

F***, I hate this f***ing job!

Ah, phew. You okay? Everyone okay?

That's super f***ed up

about Bill and those guys.

They stayed in their package,

followed all the guidelines of the song.

- What do they get?

- We're not supposed to understand...

the will of the gods.

They work in mysterious ways.

Since we base our lives on the song,

it might be nice if there was some proof.

Proof? All the proof you need

is right in front of you.

Look at these big old buns.

Yeah! You know it, baby.

Work those buns!

All of you. All day, "err" day.

Lined up, waiting to get filled

with my meat.

Right, Carl. You really think any of these

buns will line up to get filled by you?

Here's my impression of that:

"Oh, is he in there yet?

I can't feel him.

I don't think he's in there.

Oh, wait. He is."

It's so sad. I bet you jackrabbit

for a quick 15 seconds. You're like;

And then you slump over.

I mean, honestly, guys...

who in this package

would ever let Carl get up in them? Huh?

Roberta, put your f***ing hand down.

You're ruining my joke.

See? Nobody. That's who.

Hey, dude, I don't know how to say this

to you gently, but your girlfriend, um...

she's a f***ing c*nt.

Shut up. She's fresh as f***,

and you know it.

I don't know why you're limiting yourself

to one bun. There's plenty of buns.

Because I believe in bunogomy.

I'm a bunogamist.

And when a bun this fresh is into you,

all you ask is when and how deep.

And the answer is:

As soon as we get to the Great Beyond

and as deep as she'll let me.

I'm gonna talk to her.

Hey, Brenda. What up, girl?

Heh-heh.

Sorry about those guys.

Such d*cks, right?

I can hear you, dude.

Shut up. F*** you.

So looks like tomorrow's

the big day, huh? Heh-heh.

You and me, finally gonna be official.

I'm so happy the gods

put our packages together.

It's because we belong together.

It's like we were made for each other.

I can't wait to finally

just get up in there.

Just raw-dog it.

But, full disclosure,

I'm pretty f***ing nervous about this.

I don't know how well I'll perform

once it happens.

I've obviously never been

in a bun before, so...

Hey, I'm not gonna be any better.

I've never opened up.

I mean, look how tight I am.

Oh, sweet f***ing f***.

Look, okay, I know it's against the rules,

but I can't wait anymore.

I need to just feel you.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Just the tips?

- Just the tips?

- I can't believe we're doing this.

- I know. We're so naughty.

It's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's

ever happened from just the tips.

No. No, no, no. No, no, no.

Ah.

Oh, yeah, go in. Put it in there.

- Big tip.

- Oh, you wouldn't dare.

Management to Cash 5.

Management to Cash 5.

I meant to buy a normal mustard.

When I got home...

I realized I bought honey mustard.

- Is it cool if I just go swap it?

- I don't give a flying f***.

Holy sh*t! You're back, man. Crazy!

Did you go to the Great Beyond?

Don't touch me, man!

Ketchup, get your f***ing hands off me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- What happened?

- Oh, I'll tell you what f***ing happened.

I'll tell you exactly what happened

in the Great Beyond...

- you dumb, red piece of sh*t!

- What the f...?!

As soon as we got out those doors...

So you have learned the terrible truth.

Congratulations!

Now keep it to yourself,

or I will slit your throat while you sleep.

I swear to God.

Oh, my God!

Did you guys just hear that?

What? What are you looking at?

He's gone.

Where the f*** did he go?

I'm so f***ed up. I'm so f***ed up.

Ketchup, get the f*** off of me.

Nobody f***ing touch me!

Attention, shoppers. The store

is closing in five minutes. Get out.

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