Sausage Party Page #2

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Hey, hey, hey, look at this.

We f***ing got one.

- Stand up straight, boys!

- Hey!

Over here! Choose us!

We're chosen!

Pick us! Pick our package!

Brenda!

Frank!

Oh, man. I'm freaking out.

My heart's racing.

I'm having an out-of-sausage

experience. Yes!

Choose us! Look at us!

Oh, please, god.

- Choose us. Look at us! Oh, yes!

- Please, god.

- Nice!

- Whoo!

- Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

- Yes! Frank, we've been chosen together.

F***ing A! Yeah!

This is so cool!

- I'm chosen! I got chosen!

- Going to the Promised Land!

I'm on my way!

Yo! Oh, f***, yeah, dude.

Somebody call a doctor

because, honestly, this beat is sick.

- Actually, I feel great. Real healthy.

- Not you, the beat. The song, bro.

- Oh, sh*t, Chips!

- Huh?

C-H-I-P-S, Chips, Chips, Chips.

I've known you forever.

I would never disrespect you with a lie.

I will tell you very much

that you look f***ing disgusting, bro.

Oh, come on.

No, I'm just messing with you, bro.

But for reals? You gotta hit the gym, bro.

Oh, what's up?

Yo, are you pink all the way through?

- Ew.

- Ha-ha-ha.

I'm f***ing with you, but also serious.

Is there a different color inside?

Unh! What are you, even?

What do you mean, what am I, dude?

I'm a f***ing douche!

You know how long I've been waiting

up in this motherf***er?

I was starting to worry the gods didn't

want douches no more, but look at her.

She's a f***ing 10, bro.

The G-O-D is D-T-D...

dude. Down to douche.

Lav ash, sausages...

Oh, honey mustard.

What? No.

This can't be happening. Not again.

Oh, Jesus, not to me. Motherfuck.

Get your hands off of me. Get off of me!

- Fecking gobshite!

- Back off!

You don't even know

what you're celebrating.

You're celebrating your doom!

Wake up!

They're lying to your f***ing faces!

The Great Beyond is bullshit!

- Why isn't anybody listening to me?

- Hey, buddy, are you all right?

No, I'm not all right.

It's all a lie. Everything

you've been told.

- Everything you believe in.

- Honey Mustard, you acting cray-cray!

We shouldn't be talking to this a**hole.

Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird.

What is he? Honey? ls he mustard? Like,

make up your mind or just kill yourself.

You f***ing idiots. I've been there.

I've seen that sh*t,

and there ain't no way I'm going back.

Wait, you've been to the Great Beyond?

"Great," my a**hole!

Everything we've ever known

is a dirt-covered pile of sh*t...

jacking off in our f***ing faces...

covering our eyes with their come...

so come-covered we can't f***ing see!

We don't know! We don't know they're

jerking off into our eyes! Our faces!

Shut up. The gods

are gonna hear you talking about them...

They ain't gods. They're monsters!

Horrible, ugly, disgusting monsters!

They ain't gonna

get Honey Mustard twice.

F*** you, gods!

I've got a date with oblivion.

Whoa, just chill. Just get down

from the f***ing... Aah!

Oh, sh*t! He's out of the package!

Barry, help!

- Oh, f***, Carl, what do we do?

- I don't know!

I can't reach him.

I'm giving it everything I have.

- Frank!

- Brenda.

Oh, my God!

Brenda's out of the package!

- I got you! Hold on! Hold on!

- I can't hold on!

My little glove! It's slipping off!

Look at you, following all their rules.

You have no idea what's coming.

What is that in reference to? What's

coming? Be more specific, please!

You want proof? Talk to Firewater.

That bastard bottle of booze

seems to know what's going on.

- Unh "No!

- Oh, my God.

- Did you see that?

Donkey f***er!

Frank!

Oh, no. Bro!

Douche down!

I'm out of my f***ing box!

Cream of Mushroom?

Are you there?

Wake up! I'm nothing without you!

Get up! We gotta go!

- Uhn!

- Frank! Move your f***ing ass!

- Help!

'Oh' my God!

Frank, run!

- I can't!

- Come on, Chips! It's you and me, bro!

Gotta use your cardio, bro! Come on!

Pump those legs!

Oh, my God!

Look out! Get to the wall!

Hey. I... Sorry, I accidentally dropped

a few things back there.

Except for that douche.

I don't know whose that is.

Cleanup on Aisle 2.

This MILF dropped a douche.

Oh. "MILF." Thank you so much.

Oh, f***. Frank! F***, f***, f***.

Oh, no. Frank.

Well, Barry, I guess now

you're weird and a p*ssy.

Add that to your list of accomplishments.

Frank!

No, no, no. Wait, babe, wait.

Please hold up. No, don't go.

Come on. I can still get up in there!

I could still...

get up in there.

Oh, my God.

My nozz! My motherfucking nozz!

- You okay?

- I think so.

Yo, did you two do this to me?

Are you two responsible for my nozzle

being irrepressibly f***ed up?

Whoa, whoa, easy, man. Easy.

Yeah, your nozzle's bent. Sorry.

You should be happy you're alive.

Yeah, Banana's whole face peeled off.

Peanut Butter's wife is dead.

Look at him.

Jelly! I'm gonna fix you.

I'm gonna fix this.

You think I give a f*** about PB or J?

F*** this. I'm gonna kick your ass.

How you like them apples?

- Who, us?

- No, not you.

Come at me, bros.

Come at you? What does that mean?

Fine. You won't come at me?

Well, then, guess who's coming at you.

Me.

Yaah!

Look out!

No!

Um...

Attention, shoppers. The store's closed.

- You saved me!

- Well, yeah. Had to do something.

I can't believe

you got out of your package.

You would have gone to

the Great Beyond. You'd be there now.

There is no Great Beyond

without you, Frank.

Well, according to Honey Mustard,

there might not be a Great Beyond at all.

- Frank, don't say that!

- Did you hear what he said?

Yeah, yeah, I heard him talking

about the gods...

all over our faces,

and then I saw him die.

Oh, no. What if the gods are doing this

to us because we touched tips?

What? No! There's no way.

"Just the tips." What were we thinking?

It wasn't even that... I mean, it was fine.

It's not like anyone writes home...

- and says, "God, I had the best tip."

- Get away from me.

Don't touch me.

It was you.

You cocksucking bagel fuckface!

Hey! Watch it!

You pushed me out of the cart.

No surprise there, huh?

A bagel trying to kill a lavash,

once again.

I pushed you? What are you, nuts?

Why would I do that? I'm a pacifist.

The only thing I've ever pushed

is my peaceful agenda.

Even that I didn't push, you know. I

pretty much passive-aggressively nudge.

I reached out in a panic.

It was toots over here, the bun.

She grabbed me.

I was just trying to save Frank.

Who is Frank? You?

- Yeah, I'm Frank.

- The fault is yours, then, huh?

I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean

for any of this to happen.

Well, it did. And now you and your

stupid, useless bun have f***ed us all.

Hey, who you calling useless,

you flappy f***?

Sausage, control your insolent bun.

And cover her up already.

- Show some modesty, woman.

- Ooh!

Hey, hey. Look, can we all just,

you know, calm down a notch, please?

Let's try to be, I don't know, amicable.

I'm Sammy Bagel Jr.

You know, I'm happy to meet all of you.

- Except for this meshuggener c*nt here.

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