Scare Campaign

I've been on some weird jobs

before, but nothing like this.

Yeah. We're a unique

little operation.

During busy periods, we absorb

the extra numbers down here.

Full moons tend

to be the worst.

Night, Suze.

We're what you might call

a spillover facility,

but most of the time

it's as quiet as the grave.

And this is the bag

and tag area.

So if you do get

a delivery tonight,

you just wheel them on

in here and the...

coroner's assistant will take

care of the rest in the morning.

Is this...

you know, occupied?

You scare easy, do you, George?

Nah.

You do security,

you deal with scary situations

all the time.

It's what we do.

What about... ghosts?

Paranormal?

Good.

Because a lot of people

get freaked out by this place.

Some talk about hearing stuff

in the middle of the night.

Seeing things move.

And, I mean,

it's an old place, right?

And old places tend to creak

a little bit.

Just like our guests here.

You mean rigor mortis?

Yeah. Your body does some weird

sh*t after you snuff it.

I've seen corpses

sit bolt upright.

You'd swear that they were

coming back to life.

Yeah, it was a bit too much

for the last guy

on the graveyard shift.

But the agency said

you're a tough nut,

so I'm guessing that you can

probably handle

a few little bumps

in the night.

This is the nerve centre.

Everything you need is in here.

Tea, coffee.

And I'm sure

this will come in handy.

I prefer to stay on watch.

Right.

Well, uh, if the meat wagon

does show up,

just press this one

to buzz them in.

And then give me a call...

if you do have any trouble.

But like I said...

quiet as the grave.

Hello.

Hello?

I'll buzz you in.

Hello?

Are you alright?

Jesus! F***!

Come on! Come on!

- Hello?

- Listen.

I think we've got a bit of

a situation down here.

George? What is it?

There was a delivery. A girl.

She opened her f***in' eyes.

OK.

You've got to believe me!

Just... just give me

a second, George.

I'm gonna log into the system.

Sh*t!

George, are you there?

Look, maybe your imagination

is getting the better of you.

There's actually nothing

coming up here.

No! I just saw her.

She's coming for me, man!

I'm sure there's

some logical explanation for...

George,

what's going on?

George?

Are you there? George?

George, talk to me.

Great, Emmy.

Good. Keep it up.

Dick, stand by

on the demonic howling.

Standing by.

And cue.

Marcus, what's he doing?

He's got a f***in' gun.

Ayako, get out of there

right now.

She can't hear you, Em.

She's off comms.

She's on her own.

- Em! Where are you...?

- Em! Em!

F*** it,

that's my reveal ruined.

OK. Alright.

We're calling time, everyone.

- Tone, Suze.

- Yes, boss.

Yeah, I'll be down

in a minute.

We've still got to bring

this f***er home.

Roger that.

Hey.

- Give me JD.

- Yep.

JD, sorry, buddy.

You're gonna have to save

that Carrie gag

- for another day.

- Are you serious?!

I made up three gallons

of my special recipe for this.

Well, that's showbiz, buddy.

- Earpiece.

- Ta.

Don't shoot! Stop! Don't!

Huh? What?

It's alright. He's a little

bit confused right now.

- She's not one of those...

- No.

She's just an underpaid actor,

like me.

Now, please, just...

Just give me the gun.

How did you get here so quick?

I've been here all along,

George, watching.

Please, just...

Just give me the gun before

things escalate any further.

It makes me feel safe.

Hey, hey, hey.

Looks like we got you

good there, big fella.

What's going on?

You get the piss stain?

- Oh, my God.

- Em?

It's OK. It's OK.

- You're safe now, OK?

- Em?

Scream for us, George.

You're on Scare Campaign.

- What?

- Yep. Yep, that's it.

- Straight down the barrel.

- I'm on TV?

I'm on TV!

I'm on that show!

I'm a celebrity!

You bet,

Georgie boy!

Now, smile for the cameras.

Give us a wave.

OK. Abigail.

How are you today?

Good, thanks.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Oh, am I looking

at the camera or at you?

Don't worry about that.

Let's just... you and me

can have a bit of a chat first

and then we'll get into it.

So... do you like

horror movies, Abby?

F*** yeah. Who doesn't?

You don't get too scared?

Seriously?

Great. Great.

It's just because, you know,

it gets a bit intense

on-set sometimes.

The actors freak out more

than the stooge does.

Really?

It just sounds like

a sh*t-tonne of fun to me.

A sh*t-tonne of fun.

That's gr... I like you.

How about this one, hey?

Abby, could you scream for me?

What sort of scream

do you want?

Um...

That's a good scream.

That is a good scream, huh?

Yeah. Wasn't ready for that.

Em, this is Abby,

Scare Campaign's next

major scream queen.

You're gonna be a star,

young lady.

Don't take him

too seriously, Abby.

- I won't.

- Em's gonna take

good care of you.

Show you the ropes.

Suze, can we get her signed up

and down to wardrobe?

If you've got a minute, Dick

wants to show you something.

Ah, OK.

Hey, Abs.

Look forward to

creating TV history with you.

- You too.

- Congratulations!

- Marcus, I just...

- Yeah, walk and talk.

Yeah, what's up?

- Hey, boss!

- Yo.

A couple of looks

for the finale.

- Great.

- Bava.

Or... Blair.

Em, what do you reckon?

- You've done Blair to death.

- Yeah, you're right.

Bava, it is. Abby's gonna

look great in that get-up.

- Cool, cool. Abby?

- Our new ghost girl.

Massive horror nut.

You're gonna love her.

Marcus, I need to talk to you.

Vicki. F***.

Vicki! Hi. Lovely surprise.

Uh... in 10.

Yeah, why? What's it about?

F***, she's called a meeting.

OK, Dicko. What have we got?

Check it out.

I tried to get around the gun

best I could.

I resized some shots.

Threw in some sound effects.

Rumbling, echo.

Looks like

we got you good there.

Yeah, I mean,

it's not the prettiest cut,

but we can live with it.

Alright. Just hold on the tight

of the stooge at the end

and then bang into

the credits.

Marcus, I quit.

Uh, Dick,

Vicki called a meeting.

Why don't you go

let the others know?

Oh, thank God.

You're probably just going

to tear it up again, but here.

Let me guess...

last week was the final straw?

Yes. Yes, it was.

God, you always say

what I mean to say

before I get to say it.

Well, I am responsible

for your best lines.

I'm not in character

right now, Marcus.

Yes, you are.

You're always in character.

And today

you're playing the part

of a sensitive young actress

who's decided

she's too good for the crass,

though, let's face it, pretty

damn entertaining TV show

that's kept her fed

for the last three years.

No. I'm a concerned human being

who is worried

that one day we're gonna prank

the wrong guy.

Oh, come on, Em. You've got

nothing to worry about.

Nothing gets past me, alright?

Look, do you really think

I didn't know

about the stooge's gun?

- His toy gun?

- I don't know, Marcus.

Maybe you did,

maybe you didn't.

Come on.

We all know the best pranks

are the ones that go

a little bit off script.

You didn't need to go to

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