Scare Campaign Page #2

all this trouble, you know?

What do you mean?

If you want to break up

with me, just say it.

We broke up months ago!

No. Did we? But we...

There's been,

like, one or two lapses.

One or two?

I'm a bit conflicted

right now, Marcus,

but I mean it this time.

So we are done?

I... I am talking

about the show.

- You sure?

- Yes! And us.

God. I knew this would be hard.

Come on, Em.

You know I need you.

Creatively.

You're like Reville

to my Hitchcock.

I mean, slightly easier

on the eye,

but you know what I mean.

Look, we get the finale in

the can and the season's done.

Right? No more stooges,

no more surprises.

Then I give you my blessing

to return to the pulsating

world of community theatre.

Theatre in Education,

arsehole.

OK. So, this is it.

Glendale mental asylum.

Totally abandoned.

Completely secluded.

Production values galore.

You guys are going to love it.

What's the power

situation like?

Well, they shut it down

in the '90s.

Some parts are

still connected, but...

Look, technically,

it's a challenge,

but you're not gonna find

a creepier location, trust me.

Oh, she's coming.

Out of their

f***ing minds!

I love this woman.

I fear her, but I love her.

In a sexual way.

Brace yourselves.

For good news. Good news.

- I'll take notes, shall I?

- Yeah.

- Morning, everyone.

- Morning, Vicki.

Just so you know,

flattery will get you

nowhere with us.

But don't let that

stop you from trying.

I'm not here

to stroke your ego.

Quite the contrary.

This should be fun.

I've got something

I want you all to see.

Is this a personal photo album

you want to share?

Get it out before 4chan

posts it.

Smart move.

We are watching.

We are recording.

Expect us.

A bit obvious.

But obvious works, I suppose.

Oh, yeah.

I've heard of these guys.

Some real deep web sh*t.

You'll all be aware of these

fake human sacrifice videos

that have been trending

the last week or two.

Total clickbait.

Adonai Satanicus.

Adonai Satanicus.

Oh, it's a rip-off. We did this

in season two, yeah?

Adonai Satanicus.

Super 8. I dig it.

It's a plug-in, Tone.

Prince of Darkness...

Jesus. Talk about amateur hour.

I know. But you won't believe

what happens next.

Open to us your domain!

What are you doing?

Get back in the circle.

Jesus. What the f*** was that?

What are you doing?

What the f*** is going on?

- No! Stop!

- Don't do that! No!

It's... It's just playing.

We're just mucking around.

Stop it.

We're not hurting anyone.

What are you doing?

Oh! Oh, Jesus!

I'm sorry,

but I think we've seen enough.

A couple of months ago,

it was just cruel pranks.

Harassing and humiliating the

homeless, that sort of thing.

Then they graduated

to torture, murder

and their numbers spiked.

They listened

to their audience.

And now each new video

is more brutal

and ambitious than the last.

This one was only posted

this morning.

So you're saying the future

of entertainment's snuff?

Well, that puts me

out of a gig, then.

Surely the authorities are

doing something about this.

The Masked Freaks

are a well-drilled,

well-resourced global network

of like-minded sickos.

It's proving very hard

to get a ping on them.

Whoa, wait a second.

You've tried contacting

these freaks?

You want to give them

a f***in' show?

No, I don't, Marcus.

But the kids

are paying for this stuff.

Actually paying.

15 million subscribers

and growing by the day.

I don't think I like the

direction this is heading in.

Scare Campaign

has lost its edge.

Oh, no. Come on. We're still

killing it after five seasons.

I mean, our numbers are pretty

good last time I checked, yeah?

TV ratings?

Yes.

Terrestrial's dying

a slow and painful death,

just like the old c*nts

who are still watching it.

We need to adapt.

We need to be part

of the conversation

or we will lose serious

eyeballs to these guys.

Dystopia's

on our doorstep, people.

It crept up on us while we were

looking the other way.

You've got one more ep

to prove you've still

got the goods.

One more episode?

You're saying you want that?

I'm saying

take it to the next level.

Make it feel real. Darker.

Give me something dangerous.

How you do that,

that's up to you.

We're only five days out

from the shoot.

That's gonna mean

a total rewrite. A new stooge.

You are the creatives,

aren't you?

Be creative.

We... are... f***ed.

Guys, our stooge has

just crossed the bridge.

Showtime in 10 minutes.

Copy.

You right?

Jeez, go easy on her, JD.

It's fine. Really.

I love this sh*t.

Yeah, see? She loves this sh*t.

Wow! You look

pretty damn scary.

Cool.

Hey, team. How are we?

Oh, JD. That is fantastic.

Now, Abs, if I don't

see you before we roll,

just let yourself be great.

Huh?

Abby, is there anything

we need to go over again?

Your cues?

No, I'm good. It's too easy.

Alright. Great. I'll be back

in a second, alright?

OK.

OK.

And hand.

Am I a f***ing genius or what?

OK, Dick,

can we check the fluoros?

Great.

Marcus, we need to talk about

the stooge.

Yeah. Can we roll through

the sound cues, Dick?

- Rohan's going to be great.

- OK, I know.

I just don't want any surprises

this time, Marcus.

Dick, should I be concerned?

Yeah.

Seconds away.

Look, you've got nothing

to worry about, OK?

We're going to get gold

from this guy, trust me.

Now, all you have to do

is just stay in character

and enjoy yourself.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hm.

And you have enjoyed yourself

this week, haven't you?

Admit it. Just a little bit.

- Yeah?

- Yes. Yes. Yes, I have.

It's your swansong, Em.

I reckon we still make a pretty

great team, you and me.

But you don't mean creatively

this time.

No, no, Dick. No.

Remember, we...

I want to mix it across

eight channels down the hall.

I want him

totally immersed, OK?

I'm dancing

as fast as I can, Marcus.

He should throw

the echo filter on it too.

Yeah. That's good. That's good.

Dick, did you hear that?

Over here!

I'm over here now!

And now cue wind.

Perfect.

It's gonna be great!

I'll get my wig on.

How are we feeling, team?

Buzzing.

This is going to be epic.

Bet your arse it is, Suzie.

Good, good.

Yeah, that's great.

Hey, who's this little fella?

I don't remember that one

being on the plan, Tone.

Yeah, just thought I'd rig

a few extra for you, boss.

- I know you love your options.

- Good man.

OK. This is it.

Let's break a leg, team!

Let's f***in' snap it in two.

That's the spirit.

Tony Tone,

you have outdone yourself.

Alright. Looks like

we're all set here, Dicko.

Where's that stooge?

He's about five minutes away.

Roger that. Coming up.

Bring snacks!

What are you watching?

Hmm?

What are you watching?

Oh, you know, just the usual

angry teen bullshit.

Masked Freaks.

What?

Nothing.

Hey, if something

goes wrong today,

I promise

I'll call time, alright?

Look, it's fine.

Marcus said, you know,

the best pranks

are the ones that go

a little off script.

He only says that because

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