Scarecrow Page #2

Nobody can understand them.

- Been eating rice for a year?

- Yeah. We all have.

- My system couldn't handle that.

- No, it's very good for your system.

Look at my baby.

- He's healthy and pure.

- Yeah. Right.

He likes you, Max.

I think your...

This is it. This is our spot.

Are you sure?

Yeah, right here.

This is where we were going.

- Sure we can't take you anywhere?

- No, this is fine, man.

You guys take it easy.

- Thanks for the lift.

- All right.

Okay, I'll close it.

- Have a nice day.

- All right.

Bye. Hope he feels better.

Give me half an hour with those kids,

I'd get them straightened out.

- What happened?

- Can you imagine?

The kid unloaded on me...

and that broad has the nerve to say,

"Have a nice day."

- Let's get a drink.

- Okay.

How come you didn't pound

that old lady in the mouth?

What old lady?

The one that hit you in the palms

with the stick.

She was a nun.

Shut the door, you big dope.

You're letting all the smoke out.

Look at the size of that one.

How you doing, old-timer?

What'll you have, fellas?

Better check the big one's ID, Charlie.

If he can get it out of his pants.

Don't bother about her.

That's just Darlene. What'll you have?

- Give me a bottle of beer.

- Bourbon here.

Max, these two guys go into a bar, right.

And one guy says to the bartender,

"Two mugs."

Bartender says,

"I know that. What'll you have?"

Bad. Better make that a double.

Don't go getting dangerous on us,

Superman.

Max, I'm the tallest man in this bar.

Scarecrow, what are you gonna do

when your old lady kicks you...

along with your lamp,

when you get to Detroit?

- I'll make her laugh first.

- You're gonna make her laugh first?

That's right. Can I have a glass?

- Where's the can?

- Over there.

People can't stay mad at you

if you make them laugh.

- Okay, you keep them laughing.

- Okay.

Hey, you. Big mouth.

He acts like the chief of police.

Why don't you just unplug it?

Don't you point at me,

you rude son of a b*tch.

- Get out of here.

- No. Come on, cool it.

Stupid broad.

- What did you call me?

- I said, "Stupid broad."

Get out of here.

- I'll put you into the goddamn wall.

- You are real tough.

- I'll have a heart attack right on the floor.

- You'll never make it. Not with those.

Why don't you go in there

and empty your little lizard?

- I am talking to you!

- Get over here! Max!

Look!

Come over here, you.

Goddamn.

Damn it.

- Come on.

- We can't.

Come on, for Christ's sake.

Get your shoes off.

- I hurt you?

- No.

You got your boots on?

Let me give you a hand.

The boots.

- Why you worrying about them boots?

- Where are you...

- Wait. I can't see you.

- Just be patient.

A little patient.

Don't break my glasses.

Because I won't be able

to see anything if you do.

Water.

Gotta wash your hands first.

- Are you nuts?

- What?

Gotta wash your hands first.

Oh, man.

Come on, Max.

Who is this guy?

What a schmuck, this guy.

Bull's-eye!

- Max!

- Yeah?

You ever see dawn from a ship?

- Ever see dawn from a ship?

- No.

Oh, man.

Always the same,

no matter what part of the world I was in.

Always made me feel like a kid.

You are a kid.

- Feel better?

- Yeah. I'm telling you...

getting laid is sure good for my regularity.

- Max, I've been meaning to ask you.

- Yeah?

In the joint, no women, right?

No.

So how'd you get laid?

I'm gonna have that car wash.

And a deep freezer full of steaks.

And ass, buddy. I mean ass.

You should be more careful

where you drop your drawers.

Some scorpion will put

a lip-lock on your big ass.

It'll be his funeral.

- You ever eat in a hobo jungle?

- No.

Coley and me used to hit it

once in a while when we were drifting.

I haven't been there in about nine years.

We'll have breakfast there

tomorrow morning.

That's it. Damn it. That's where it was.

They must've chased all the hoboes

out into the desert...

or put them in the jail.

Looks like we buy our breakfast.

How in the hell was I supposed to know

they tore the goddamn jungle down?

Coley and me used to eat there

with old-timers all the time.

Jesus Christ.

It's like I've been asleep for nine years.

Sh*t!

Nine years.

- Max, so what?

- What do you mean, so what?

I didn't plan, God damn it!

That's "so what." Look.

This is nine years of planning. Right there.

Initial bank savings: So and so.

Accumulated bank interest: So and so.

Expected salary while I was

in the penitentiary: So and so.

Total:
$2,648.73.

That's planning ahead. You understand?

By the way, that's something you don't do.

Just because the world

goes on changing, you know...

it changes.

There's nothing you can do about it.

Speaking of changing, it's been five years.

Your wife might be married.

She might've moved away.

Why don't you give her a call?

What are you shouting at, Max?

I wanna see my kid, right?

What am I gonna do,

shove the lamp through the phone?

Detroit's a long way from Pittsburgh.

Just call her. Plan ahead.

That's what I'm doing. I'm planning.

Look, if I go back and I call her,

she could tell me to buzz off.

And that's it.

But if I go there, and I see her...

don't matter what she says to me then

because I see my kid.

See, that's the worst that can happen.

I know what I'm doing.

All those old-timers.

This is all busted up. Hell.

Wonder what Coley would say.

There it is. That's Coley's house.

I didn't even have to look at the number.

- Flower house.

- It's a flower house. Right.

Coley!

Come on.

Coming.

What can I do for you?

God damn it, Max! Jesus Christ almighty!

- You look like Uncle Bert.

- Don't say that.

- It's true, though, you do.

- Don't say it, though.

Jesus Christ.

God damn it. Sh*t.

Let me look at that mug there.

That's beautiful.

Look at that mug, would you?

Is that beautiful, Lion?

This is my friend and business partner.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?

- I'm okay.

- You sure?

Hi, Coley.

Max has told me nothing about you.

Come on inside. God, Max. Come on.

God damn it.

- Put your stuff down.

- Okay.

- What is all this?

- We went into the junk business.

- "We"?

- Yep.

- You still married to that guy...

- Howard? No, sir.

I got me a business partner.

Name's Frenchy. She's dying to meet you.

Max, this is for you.

Max, let's see if you're still any good.

Come on. Put them up.

All right.

You know I'm the toughest, right?

- Come on.

- Come on.

Hi.

He's just like you said.

Just like I thought he would be.

He's Max.

Yeah, I'm Max.

You cute little motor scooter, you.

Max, this is a lie detector,

and it really works.

It's a gift to you from Coley's junkettes.

A lie detector? You know I just got out

of the joint, Coley. What do I need it for?

Put them on him. Come on.

Yeah, put them on me.

Hello, Coley. Nice of you to call.

- You have to concentrate.

- Okay. It's gonna be hard.

- Did you turn it on?

- You're turned on.

Stop.

Ask me why...

How come you wear all these clothes?

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