Scenic Route Page #5

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Oh, my... I can't believe

how many times you cut me.

The lacerations will fade,

but the memories will

last us a lifetime.

Oh, we can't say nothing

happened on this trip, huh?

God.

Yeah.

What?

Have you ever been

this thirsty?

No.

Really?

It tastes like water.

Gimme.

Yeah, tastes like water.

It's blue and soapy.

Yeah, well, it's washer fluid.

What do you expect?

That's horrible.

I don't...

I don't want any more.

All right.

I don't like it. Well...

I- I'm gonna save

mine for tomorrow,

in case I have to

go for a walk.

Yeah, well, we should pro...

We should probably

get some sleep...

Yeah. In case you do, huh?

Yeah.

Holy sh*t.

Hold on. Hello.

Hello? Hi. Oh, God.

Thank you. Wait.

Hi. Hi.

Hold on. Hi. Hi.

How... How are you? It's

so good to see you.

We had... Ow.

Okay, don't go anywhere.

Um, we had a...

problem last night.

It's so good to see you.

I'm sorry. Um,

oh, my God. We had a bit of

an issue with the engine.

I guess I tampered with it,

or... I didn't

really dismantle it.

It's fine. It's all

good, but, uh,

God, we were here all night,

all day and all

night last night.

Maybe you have food or

water or something?

Just... Just anything?

A ride, you know?

We... We'll...

Wait! No!

Where are you going?

Wait! Wait! Wait!

Oh, God.

What the f*** are you doing?!

I... I thought she was

gonna take us with her.

She was!

Until you scared the

sh*t out of her!

You couldn't wait one minute

to get into the car, man?

Come on!

I don't... I don't know.

I thought she... I

thought that...

You look like a goddamn

f***ing horror movie extra!

Let's remember why

I look like this.

This... This was your idea!

What am I afraid of? What can it hurt?

Well, there you go.

That is exactly why you can't

have a Mohawk in the real world.

I gave you a haircut,

not a lobotomy.

I don't feel well.

Ahh.

Maybe it has something

to do with the fact

that I spent a day in the oven

and the night in the freezer

with nothing but f***ing

washer fluid in my system!

I told you not to

drink that sh*t, man.

Oh! It tasted like soap!

Okay, so this is all my fault.

I got us stuck in the desert.

Well, you certainly got us

stuck for another 20 hours.

Hey, do me a favor.

If you see any

more cars coming,

try not to be such

a f***ing moron!

This is exactly what happens

when you let a homeless

person cut your hair!

Don't worry. I'm gonna

call Joanne for you.

I'll tell her you're just

fine, you'll be home soon,

but you won't be able

to get it up looking at

her fat f***ing thighs... Hey!

Unless you think about

your girlfriend Annie.

Hey, You better keep

your mouth shut!

Then maybe she'll give you

that divorce you're

so scared to ask for.

Then you can give those keys you

love so much to Cole's new Dad!

Hey!

You f***er.

Aah!

Oh, sh*t.

Hey.

You son of a b*tch.

Hey.

Come here. Hey!

Come here! Hey! Hey!

You son of a...

You...

You just broke my nose!

F***ing...

Yaah!

Damn it.

Hyah!

Come on!

Aah! Oh, my eye! Time-out!

Are you all right?

Damn it!

I think you broke my nose.

Now I'm going to

have two casts

and a f***ing Mohawk.

Hey, quit f***ing

around, and get up.

Come on. Get up!

Carter.

Carter?

Hey.

Get up!

C...

Hey.

Hey! Come on.

Come on.

Carter.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, man.

I'm so sorry.

Carter, come on, buddy.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Carter, come on, buddy.

Get up. Get up.

Get up!

Oh, f***. Oh, f***.

Oh, my God.

H- Hey...

Ah, f***.

What the...

It's gonna be okay, buddy.

It's gonna be okay.

You know, I was

thinking about it,

and it's really funny.

We should have thought

about it sooner.

We scared that old lady, man.

We scared her.

I mean, look at me, right?

I'd be scared of me. I'm...

I look f***ing crazy.

But that's okay. That's good.

That's very good,

because she probably

went straight to town

and told somebody

about it, right?

She probably went

to the first house

or store or whatever

and was like, "Ohh,

you gotta help me.

"Some crazy guy with

a crazy haircut

tried to get in my car."

But I wasn't trying

to get in her car.

I was just... I was just

feeling it, you know.

I was just trying to make sure it

wasn't one of those, what, mirages,

like in the

cartoons, you know?

But that's okay. That's good.

That's very good, because

she probably told somebody,

and they're gonna come out

here and check it out.

They're probably sending

somebody right now.

They're probably...

They're probably

sending the police.

The police are probably

coming right now.

Carter.

Carter, hey,

I think the police are coming.

Carter, I need you

to wake up, buddy.

I need you to wake up!

Carter!

The police are coming.

The police are coming!

I need you to help me make them

understand how this happened.

Carter, come on!

Come on!

Hello!

Do you hear me?

'Cause if you don't

help me explain,

they're not gonna

understand, Carter.

Come on!

You remember my keys?

Do you remember my keys?

I got a lot of things

to worry about.

Come on, buddy. Wake up.

Wake up!

F***ing... I am sorry.

Carter?

Carter.

Holy sh*t!

Holy sh*t! You're alive!

You're alive!

Carter! Oh. Okay.

J- Just wait here.

Just... You're okay.

You're okay. You're okay.

You're okay.

Everything's gonna be okay.

All right?

What's happening?

You scared the sh*t out of me!

That's what's happening.

Ow, my head.

Ohh. Oh, my God. Quit it.

I can't believe it.

I have the worst headache

I've ever had in my life.

Okay. All right, well, just...

Just stay right there, okay?

We'll get you taken care of.

Oh sh*t. Oh, f***.

Um...

is this all mine?

Yeah. Yeah, mostly.

Ohh.

Jesus.

What the f***

happened to you, man?

You.

Wow.

Okay, just... Keep breathing.

Breathe in.

Breathe in. Breathe in.

Okay. There you go.

All right. Good job. Good job.

I hope I don't look

as bad as you do.

Let's just say we're tied.

Let's just...

Um...

what the f***

happened to my hand?

Oh.

Uh, it...

looks broken.

Yeah. It looks really broken.

Yeah.

Look, I'm just...

Look, it d... It

doesn't matter, okay?

I'm just happy that

you're alive and okay.

W- What the f***

happened here?

W- We were arguing.

You don't remember?

No.

It really hurts to

think, actually.

Well, then don't. Just...

Just sit here. Rest.

It doesn't matter anyway.

It's over.

Oh, my God. It's almost dark.

Yeah.

And nobody's come?

No. I hoped that lady was

going to send somebody,

but she, uh...

Just take it easy.

I-I'll keep lookout.

Oh, watch out.

Oh, God.

Maybe I just need to...

No, no. You stay. Just stay...

I just need to sit

up for a second.

What the hell is that?

Uh...

Well, it...

What the f*** is that?!

You don't understand.

I thought you were...

What the f*** is that?!/ Listen.

Listen.

Stay back!/ Listen.

Get away from me!

Come on, Carter. I

thought you were dead.

I thought you were...

Stay back!

I... I didn't feel a pulse.

I checked your... And

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