Scent of a Woman Page #3

You all right ?

Yeah, I guess so.

Okay.

Try to keep him down

to four drinks a day.

If you can keep him down to forty,

you're doin' good.

Try to water them down a little.

Do you know how to do that ?

- It's a long ride, honey !

- Get the bags in the car.

I'll be right out.

Mommy, Mommy !

Don't forget Uncle Frank's walk.

[ Mrs. Rossi ]

Oh, ha... Yeah.

Uh, you have to

air him out...

a little every day.

Why don't you go on back there,

get yourself oriented ?

I'll come out in a minute,

give you telephone numbers and stuff.

[ Frank ] Well, I wouldn't try

a thing like that...

unless I knew,

would I ?

Just let me

speak to her.

Hello, beautiful.

Is that you ?

Yeah,

we spoke yesterday.

[ Chuckling ] You have a glass of wine

with lunch ?

You sound

a little dusky. Hmm.

- [ Clearing Throat ]

- Just a minute, sweetheart.

You're back, huh ?

Tenacious !

Get out my dress blues.

They're in a garment bag in the closet.

Check the top dresser drawer.

Take out the shoulder boards...

and affix them

shoulders right and left,

A.S.A.P.

That means now.

Hello.

Sorry to keep you

waitin', sweetheart.

I'm not the kind of guy

who likes to rush things,

but I'm catchin' a 4:00

at Logan, lookin' out my window,

and there's not a taxi in sight.

What happened to Chet ?

He didn't invest

in a radio yet ?

Hah ! Well,

get your driver on it.

Tell him to get

a move on.

Yes. Mmm.

Some kind of body has got to go

with that bedroom voice.

One day I'm gonna swing by,

get a better look at it.

You bet.

Bye.

My val-pak's underneath the bed.

Get it out.

Put the boards on the blues

and fold 'em in.

Uh, are we going someplace,

Colonel ?

What business is that of yours ?

Don't shrug, imbecile.

I'm blind. Save your body language

for the bimbi.

- Now, get my gear out.

- Francine, get in the car.

It's almost 3:
00. The goddamn

Flintstones haven't left yet.

[ Mr. Rossi ] Willie Rossi

must go in the car !

- Here comes Mrs. Rossi now.

- Damn it !

She said good-bye to me

three times today.

What's she got,

separation anxiety ?

Cut her off

at the door !

Hi, honey.

Bye, honey.

I wish you were

coming with us.

Me too.

Maybe next time.

- Drive carefully now.

- Yeah.

Charlie, this is

where we'll be.

Good luck, Charlie.

Don't let him drink too much.

See ya, Charlie !

And no 900 numbers.

He loves to talk dirty.

All right,

let's get to work.

L-buckles

givin' you trouble ?

Never in the Boy Scouts,

sluggo ?

- I, I made Tenderfoot.

- Tenderfoot, my foot !

Convenience-store

mama's boy.

Here. Let me

take a look at that.

Touch me again, I'll kill ya,

you little son-of-a-b*tch !

I touch you.

Understand ?

My shoulder boards are in

the top dresser drawer. Get them, son.

The epaulets with

the silver oak leaf.

- Are these --

- Good.

Taxi come yet ?

Colonel,

where are we going ?

Where we going ?

Freak show central.

- Where's that ?

- New York City.

That's in New York, son.

New York State.

Uh, Mrs. Rossi didn't say anything to me

about going anywhere.

She forgot.

- Should we call her, 'cause I --

- You kidding me ?

Call her ? By the time they get to

Albany in that "hupmobile" he drives...

it'll be opening day

at Saratoga.

- Colonel, I can't go to New York City.

- Why not ?

New York --

- New York's too much responsibility.

- Ah, responsibility !

I had a lot of 17 year olds

my first platoon.

I took care of them.

All set !

How do I look ?

Tickets. Money.

Speech.

Old Washington joke...

from my days with Lyndon.

-[ Honking ]

-I knew I could count on transportation.

Are you ready ?

This is not Panmunjom.

A simple yes will do.

- Um --

- Good ! Here you go.

Come on !

Hup to it, son !

You're in front of me.

Let's go.

- [ Meowing ]

- [ Frank ] Tomster, come here, boy.

Psst, psst.

Come on.

Here, tomster, come on.

Tomster, tomster. Yeah.

Remember, when in doubt... f***.

Good afternoon, sir.

Where's our destination ?

Our destination... New York City,

home of the brave !

- Two for the shuttle to New York.

- I'm not shuttling anywhere.

- Look at those tickets. "First class."

- Yes, sir, first class.

You bought me a ticket ?

I never said I'd go to New York.

What are you, some kind of chicken-sh*t,

sticks to job description only ?

Gate 46, sir.

- As you were, son.

- Thank you, sir.

Which way's the door ?

- Are you blind ? Are you blind ?

- Of course not.

Then why do you keep grabbin'

my goddamn arm ?

I take your arm.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be sorry.

How would you know,

watchin' MTV all your life ?

Yes !

- Jack Daniels...

- You bet.

- And Diet Slice.

- The old Diet Slice.

- And a water.

- Thank you, Daphne.

Certainly, sir.

Ahh ! Mmm !

How did you know her name ?

Well, she's

wearin' Floris.

That's an

English cologne.

But her voice is

California chickie.

Now, California chickie

bucking for English lady --

I call her Daphne.

Oh, big things may happen to

that little thing of yours.

Look, Colonel,

- I'll get you to New York, all right ?

- Uh-huh.

Then I'm gonna have

to turn around and come back.

Well, Chuck, you gotta do

what you gotta do.

Charlie, all right ?

Or Charles.

Sorry.

I can't blame you, though.

Chuck is a --

So, why are we

going to New York ?

All information will be given

on a need-to-know basis.

Whoo-ah !

Where's Daphne ?

Let's get her down here.

She's in the back.

A tail's in the tail.

Hah !

Oh, but I still smell her.

[ Sniffing ]

Women !

What can you say ?

Who made 'em ?

God must have been

a f***in' genius.

The hair --

They say the hair

is everything, you know.

Have you ever buried your nose

in a mountain of curls...

and just wanted

to go to sleep forever ?

Or lips --

and when they touched,

yours were like...

that first swallow

of wine...

after you just crossed

the desert.

Tits ! Whoo-ah !

Big ones, little ones,

nipples staring

right out at ya...

Like secret searchlights.

Mmm.

And legs --

I don't care if

they're Greek columns...

or secondhand Steinways.

What's between 'em,

passport to heaven.

I need a drink.

Yes, Mr. Simms,

there's only two syllables

in this whole wide world worth hearing:

p*ssy.

Hah !

Are you listening to me, son ?

I'm givin' you pearls here.

I guess you

really like women.

Oh, above all things !

A very, very

distant second...

is a Ferrari.

Charlie ?

Give me your hand.

This is just the start

of your education, son.

Whoo-ah !

- Where are we ?

- Where are we, eh ?

The cynosure of

all things civilized:

the Waldorf-Astoria.

The last time I was here, Charlie,

was with a G-2 from Brussels.

Had a Ferrari.

Every day I held the door

open for the f***er.

Never even offered me

a ride.

Well, f*** him.

He's dead and I'm blind.

- Spread the word.

- Thank you, sir.

- The intelligence will be forthcoming ?

- Sir ?

On the escort scene.

Um, yes, sir.

- And welcome to the Waldorf.

- Gracias, amigo.

Puerto Ricans...

always made the best infantrymen.

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