Scent of a Woman Page #6

Any old card table

will do. This is fine.

[ Frank ]

Where was I ? Oh !

I wake up. It's four in the morning.

I don't know who I'm with,

why I'm there

and where I am.

What am I gonna do ?

I got this Asian flower,

all giggly and dewy-like;

and this hard-boiled

navy nurse outta Omaha, on the other.

We're three across the bed,

not a stitch of clothes on.

It comes to me.

Let east meet west.

We'll build a golden bridge.

[ Frank ]

Hah-hah !

I felt like I'd just joined

the corps of engineers !

We all still here ?

It's a beautiful story.

[ Cough ]

- Do you always enjoy

shocking people, Uncle Frank ?

- Honey.

I didn't know you were

so easily shocked.

I admire your sensibilities.

I'm touched.

Dad, remember the time

you persuaded Frank...

- to go to the kennel ?

- What about it ?

- He almost put the seeing eye

dog business outta business.

- Cool it, Randy.

- It's over and done with.

- Indeed it is, Garry.

Indeed it is.

So is dinner.

Charlie, what time do you have ?

I think we better be gettin' back.

- You ever given any thought

to a braille watch, Frank ?

- Randy.

- Stevie Wonder wears one,

or do you rank on him too ?

- Honey, please.

It's all right, Gloria.

I enjoy Randy's observations.

My wife's name is Gail, Frank.

Can you hear that ? Gail.

Excuse me.

Gail.

Gail strikes me as

a very beautiful woman,

but there's a

little tension in her voice.

It could be one

of two things:

either Gail is nervous

or unsatisfied.

What's your point,

Uncle Frank ?

You oughta go down

on her.

Cut it out, Frank,

will ya ?

You're so wrapped up in sugar, you've

forgotten the taste of real honey !

Frank,

for God's sake !

Hear that voice ?

There's fire under that dress.

- Will you cut it out ?

- Just get the f*** outta here.

- Whoo-ah !

- Get in your limousine.

Go down to the bowery, get with the

other f***ing drunks where you belong !

- Wait a minute.

- What ?

- Could you take it easy ?

- What for ?

You want me to lay off him,

Chuckie, 'cause he's blind ?

- No, but I mean --

- My friend's name is Charles.

He doesn't like

to be called Chuckie.

- This is supposed to be a family

get-together. This is --

- A warning.

Jesus Christ. Another sucker who thinks

this shitheel's a war hero.

Whoo-ah.

Well, once... maybe.

I suppose he told you about his days

on Lyndon Johnson's staff ?

I was gonna go.

Now I'm not leaving.

- Frank was earmarked for general.

- Earmarked, good word.

- But Frank likes to spit

in everybody's eye !

- Randy, that's enough.

So -- What do they call it when they

give you the shaft in the military ?

- Passed over !

- Frank was passed over for promotion...

Couple times.

- You want to know what happened then ?

- Will you shut your mouth ?

- He blew himself up.

- Stop it, Randy.

Our colonel, here, had a grenade

juggling act at Fort Bragg or wherever.

- Fort Benning.

- He was teaching hand-to-hand combat --

Randy, look at me when

you're talking to me, son.

I'm lookin', Frank.

His partner in the act was some captain.

- Major Vincent Squires.

- Yeah, whoever he was.

Before going on, they'd have themselves

a lo-cal breakfast:

a Screwdriver for Frank,

Bloody Mary for his partner.

No, Vincent drank

Sea Breezes.

Judge Advocate at Benning said Col.

Slade had four to his partner's one.

Judge Advocate at Benning said Col.

Slade had four to his partner's one.

He's flying in class.

He gets all excited.

He starts pulling

the pins out.

[ Randy ] One grenade

got away from him.

Boom.

The one that got away.

Oh, the pin was in...

Frank claims.

In or out, what

difference does it make ?

What kind of f***ing lunatic

juggles grenades ?

Vinnie came out okay.

And all Frank lost

was his eyesight.

- Wanna know the truth ?

- You got a handle on that,

do you, Randy ?

- He was an a**hole before.

- Whoo-ah !

Now all he is

is a blind a**hole.

Whoo-ah.

Hey, God's a funny guy.

God doth have

a sense of humor.

Maybe God thinks some

people don't deserve to see.

[ Sigh ]

Whoo-ah. Hah !

You get the point...

Chuckie ?

- Aah !

- His name is Charles.

You can say that,

can't you ? Charles.

Know what this is, Randy ? It's a choke

hold I'm teaching those lieutenants.

- Little pressure, I bust your windpipe.

- I don't care what he said.

- Charles.

- Just let go, please !

[ Gasping ]

Gretchen ?

You outdid yourself.

If you twist my arm

hard enough,

we're talking

Turkey Marbella next year.

Who knows ?

Frank ?

Good-bye, Willie.

I'm no f***ing good...

and I never have been.

Come on, Charlie,

get the coats.

Come on.

Watch your step.

Hold it.

Nueva York, compadre.

Vamos !

[ Clinking ]

You got a watch ?

Ah, it's 7:
20.

I didn't ask you the time.

I asked if you had a watch.

Yeah, in the other room.

Get it.

Colonel, there's a clock

right next to your bed.

Does it have

a second hand ?

Yeah.

Time me !

How long ?

Um... about

- I'm rusty.

- Where did you get a gun, Colonel ?

Piece or weapon, Charlie,

never a gun.

Where did you get

the piece ?

I'm an officer in the

United States Army. This is my sidearm.

- But you're not an officer anymore.

- So I'm retired, so what ?

An officer never

relinquishes his 45.

Yeah, but you better relinquish it to me

or I'm gonna call Mrs. Rossi.

Good idea.

Then I'm going back

to school.

Even better.

Blue skies, green lights.

I hope you have a wonderful trip.

That felt like 25.

You oughta be able to do a 45 in 25.

Did you time me ?

No, I did not

and I'm calling Albany.

That was stupid.

Was it ?

You're stuck with me,

Charlie.

No, I'm not.

- I'm outta here !

- Where you goin' ? New Hampshire ?

You got no money.

How you gonna do that ?

Mmm.

Karen's number

tastes like Albany. Hah !

Fine.

- I'm leaving.

- Charlie ? Charlie !

All I want from you...

is another day.

For what ?

One last tour

of the battlefield.

I can get around a city

like New York,

but l...

sometimes need a point

in the right direction.

What do you say,

Charlie ?

What's one day...

between friends ?

All right. Well, say

I stay for another day.

Will you give me

your weapon ?

Oh, Charlie ! I'm a lieutenant colonel,

United States Army.

I'm not giving my

f***ing gun to anyone.

- Now, what are you drinkin' ?

- Colonel, this -- this is unacceptable.

Unacceptable ? What are you givin' me

that prep school crap for ?

What have they done,

taken the Oregon out of the boy ?

Put in Harvard

Business School ?

Then give me

your bullets.

You do see the sense of it,

Charlie, don't you ?

I can't chew

the leather anymore.

So, why

should I share...

the tribe's provisions ?

I mean,

there's no one...

wants to tear a herring

with me anymore.

The bullets, Colonel.

"The bullets, Colonel."

You sound like a guy in

"Lives of a Bengal Lancer."

What do you

give a sh*t for ?

About what ?

About what ?

About whether I blow

my brains out or not.

- Because I have a conscience, you know.

- You have a conscience.

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