Schlussmacher Page #3

---

- Could you drive a bit faster, please?

- Safety first.

Step on it. We have ten

breakups in one week. At this speed

we'll need six months. We have to be

there in half an hour, so step on it.

You have come together here today

to wed for life before God.

I ask you Tim Bach,

have you come here

after careful consideration

and of your free will

to take your bride. . . - Emma!

Don't do it. Don't do it, please.

Listen.

I love you.

I've loved you

since the moment I first saw you, and...

even if I haven't earned another chance,

I've had lots of time to think, and...

I'd like to spend

the rest of my life with you.

Do you know him?

I'm sorry.

Oh God, this is terrible.

Sh*t, I'm so sorry for you.

I'll sort it out for you, okay?

People, everything's fine.

No panic. I'll sort it out.

Thank you.

Thanks! That's so cool.

I don't know how to thank you.

Next time just call sooner, then we can

find a more elegant solution.

Okay.

Recommend us to others. Then there's

ten percent off the next breakup.

You stay in the car and take a nap.

Okay?

Come on, I'm really hungry.

I must eat, or I'll get even more tired.

This is a routine job. I want to focus,

so stay in the car and sleep.

But I won't bother you, I promise.

I'll just eat a bit and leave.

An itty bitty bit.

I couldn't decide.

Could you sit over there.

Sit back there, the client's coming.

Wait. I brought something for you.

That's mine.

And that's yours.

Man, Toto. Sh*t.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Sorry.

Just look at...

Oh sh*t, sh*t.

I thought it had a screw top.

Listen, if the client comes now,

give her this...

and tell her to wait here.

Can you manage that?

Can you manage that?

Yes.

Hello?

It's broken. Use the ladies...

Oh God!

Come on.

Sh*t.

Have you been waiting long?

I'm so glad you came.

- I didn't know what else... - Excuse me,

- I'm actually... - No, I'm not eating.

Is that yours? May I?

Please, please. Come off.

Sh*t.

It's strange telling you all this.

But what else can I do?

We've completely drifted apart.

I mean, he's not even

interested in me anymore.

Do you know what? We don't even

sleep with each other anymore.

Only on birthdays,

New Year's Eve, Easter,

or when he's completely plowed.

But that's odd . If I want sex more than

he does, then something's wrong.

And I love sex.

So do I .

Want some fries?

- Just the one.

- Tell me,

when did you last think

of your boyfriend's needs?

No idea.

You see, with men it's like this:

at the start of a relationship

they push really hard

to win the woman, but then...

after a while, their own interests

come back to the surface.

The problem is that the woman

is spoilt from the initial phase,

and she thinks it's normal.

But in reality,

it's the other way round.

I think you have a basic communication

problem. I'll tell you something.

Work on yourself,

press the right buttons

with your boyfriend,

and it will all be fine. I promise.

- You really think so?

- Sure, definitely. I guarantee it.

I mean, love is never a safe bank,

but who loves is right.

- Oh, can I give you a hug?

- Sure.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

- I'll pick him up straight from work.

- Yeah, he'll be glad.

- Okay, thanks. Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

Forgot my bag .

Bye, thanks.

Nice hairstyle.

Who was that?

How about some music?

Music is nice.

Hello, this is Planet Radio...

That's weird.

It's the song from when Kati and I met.

Have a great day.

Enough of this shitty music.

What's that puppet?

It's a talisman. It brings luck.

Oh sh*t, my boss.

Listen. You shut your trap.

Not a squeak from you!

Hello, boss.

So, how's it going?

Yeah, okay.

Okay or like sh*t?

Why?

Miss Srger called to say thanks for

saving her relationship. Explanation?

- You shut your face.

- What?

What?

Miss Srger, she just wanted

to go back to her boyfriend.

She was a bit funny, so I...

- ...blew the contract.

- Yes.

- Didn't you mention

how liberating a breakup can be?

Yes, I told her how liberating a...

Remember that time presses

if you're to be a partner.

Hello, boss? Hello?

Thanks a lot!

Why? I just wanted to tell her

that love is wonderful.

What? Love is a heap of sh*t.

Romantic love is worth nothing nowadays.

Every second marriage ends in divorce.

One year in love,

that's very rare, and three to six

months of excitement,

that's average.

And I don't give a sh*t what you think.

I have goals in my job.

I want to achieve them. Okay?

Got it? From now on, you stay out of it.

You are just the driver.

Load of sh*t.

How late is it?

One moment, I have that here I think.

"Profile options", here it is.

- What does it mean?

- It's the English way of saying things.

Ei gude wie, Jungs.

- What?

- I'm sorry,

my colleague has a strong

Hessian dialect.

Good evening, gentlemen.

How can we help you?

- My name is Voigt, I have a reservation .

- A reservation , just let me see.

There is, however, a problem here.

- You only made a reservation for one,

Mr. Voicht. - Just for one.

- I'll take another room.

- Not alone, I'll be tired tomorrow.

You'll have to sleep alone. There.

- Not quite right. We only have one room.

- Just one.

- The Frankfurt Fair. - Fair. - No can do.

- No can do. Fair. - Fair. Frankfurt.

What now? Then...

Then with twin beds.

Press "double room". "D", twice.

- Twice?

- Two times, "D".

Now press "twin room".

- Z. - Z.

- Twice. - Twice.

With breakfast.

Breakfast? Then press...

Attachment. F.

- For two.

- For two. And again.

So, now you ask

if a late checkout is required.

Is a late checkout required?

Not me! The gentlemen.

Is a late checkout required?

- No.

- Told you so. Berliners!

So I press B, do I?

So, gentlemen.

Thanks.

This way, please!

What an awesome view!

I'm sleeping by the window.

There.

Paul? Are you coming?

Good night, sweetheart.

- Look at this. It's my girlfriend Kati.

- I know.

It's strange.

Last time I was here in Frankfurt

it was with Kati.

I always wanted to go to America.

Because of the skyscrapers.

But it was too expensive. No money.

And Kati invited me

on a trip to Frankfurt.

And now...

Now I'm sitting here with you

in Frankfurt, but...

without Kati.

I miss her so badly.

You must be missing yours as well.

- Be quiet. I have to work tomorrow.

- Me, too. I'm the driver.

But you talk all the time. It's time

to sleep now, so go to sleep. Yeah?

It's starting again.

I need anti-allergy bedding.

Now it's shooting down my back.

I ought to do an exercise.

I can't feel my legs.

Then do an exercise.

Do your exercise, alright?

Do your exercise.

Oh God.

It's not helping.

Actually it's a partner exercise.

Can you help me, Paul?

I'll keep quiet then.

Okay. What shall I do?

Sit on me, pull here, then press.

And rock. Yeah, like that.

Come here.

Yes, like that.

And rock.

Oh yeah, it's loosening.

Yuk, that is so gross!

You farted in my face, you moron!

Hello, "Happy End

Breakup Agency", Voigt.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes