Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright

---

[DEWEY HUMMING]

Careful with that.

Lift with your legs. Your legs.

Did you wipe your feet before you came in?

I'm talking to you.

Huh?

[GASPS]

Disgusting.

The garbage in this trash can is filthy.

I want this garbage cleaned at once.

Hello.

Is anyone listening to me?

Am I the only one here

who cares about cleanliness?

[ALL GASPING]

[PHANTOM CACKLING]

Huh? ROADIES:
Huh?

[GASPS]

[SHIVERING]

[GASPS]

[STAMMERING]

The Phantom.

VELMA:

Did you know Chicago is the third largest city in the U.S.?

SHAGGY:

Like, I know it has the best pizza.

SCOOBY DOO:

Yeah, pizza.

[CHUCKLES]

VELMA:

Did you know Chicago has almost 200 art galleries?

SHAGGY:

You really have no idea where my interests lie, do you?

I still can't believe

we're really finalists on Talent Star. Aah!

- Have I mentioned it's my favorite show?

- Once or twice.

- In this breath.

- Well, it is.

And Brick Pimiento is

the greatest host ever. Ooh. There he is.

I'm so excited.

I really didn't think we were gonna make it

through that last round of eliminations.

Oh, come on, Daph, we had it sewn up.

You know singers have the advantage.

Hey, that's not the song we're doing.

This is a little something I wrote myself.

- Like, that's catchy.

- Eyes on the road. Eyes on the road.

Right.

[CAR HORNS HONK]

Fred, that's beautiful. I really like you.

It. I like it. Not you. I

mean, I like you but...

Heh, I, uh, like your song.

Thanks.

You guys are good, but me and Scooby

are gonna beat you. Right, Scoob?

You betcha.

Uh, you're not in the competition.

We will be, once Brick sees

our amazing juggling act.

You can't just audition

the day before the finals.

Like, you can, if you're awesome.

VELMA:
Okay, we definitely wanna hit

the Field Museum.

There's a Picasso exhibit.

Oh, oh! The Mineralogical Society has

the world-famous soap diamond on display.

Does it say anything in those books about

that Opera House where we're shooting?

VELMA:

Yeah. It's almost a hundred years old.

It's been closed since the '70s.

And there are rumors that it's haunted.

[SHAGGY GULPS]

Of course it's haunted.

Like, when do we ever go to a place

that is not haunted?

Wait, who's driving?

Uh, green means go, right?

ALL [IN UNISON]:
Shaggy.

- Scooby-dooby-doo, heh.

[ALL SCREAMING]

This place is amazing. I can't believe

it's been closed for so long.

I'm sorry, sir. No animals allowed

except seeing-eye dogs.

Fine. You guys, go ahead,

we'll catch up with you.

No, they won't.

Okay, we'll, uh, see you later.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

We're supposed to check in

with the assistant director?

Dewey? Heh, yeah, good luck with that.

He's in there.

[SNIFFS]

What? Where? What happened?

- You know, that guy.

- The Phantom.

[SIGHS]

- Hello, we're supposed to check in.

- Yeah, I know.

But you're gonna have to wait.

What? Where? The Phantom. Ugh.

- The Phantom?

- Unh, he keeps doing that.

You know, overuse of smelling salts

can damage the nasal passages.

- His or mine?

- His.

[SNIFFING]

The Phantom!

[SIGHS]

Hey, I found that clipboard

the Phantom took.

And also I quit.

I ain't hanging around this place

for another second. It's haunted.

DAPHNE:
"Christine must win"?

Well, gang, it looks like we've got

another mystery on our hands.

- Hold it right there.

- Hey, like, it's just a bass, man.

Sure it is.

- Oh, uh, well, go on in then.

- Thank you.

Chrissy does not give interviews unless

she can approve all questions in advance.

She will accept no questions regarding

politics, religion or her favorite color.

Because I said so.

- Well, hello there. Are you...?

- Are you trying to psych her out?

- Is this some kind of mind game?

- I was just saying hi.

- Well, don't.

- You can't just talk to Chrissy.

She's very sensitive.

You have to talk to her...

...before you talk to her to let her know

you're going to talk to her.

- Isn't that right, sweetie?

- Whatever.

BOTH:
You see?

- Yeah, hi. We're here to check in.

- We're checking in!

Uh, Mr. Ottoman's kind of unconscious

right now?

- Are you saying we can't check in?

- They're saying we can't check in.

- This is totally unacceptable.

- Uh...

BARB:
She said, "Uh."

They're pretty much like that all the time.

Hey, heh. You're Emma, right?

The Violinist?

Yeah. And you're Fred and Daphne.

I saw your audition tape,

you guys were great.

And I'm not just saying that

because of the cameras.

- What cameras?

- Those cameras.

You know, they're catching

all the backstage drama.

That's the best part of the show.

All the who likes who, who hates who stuff.

Hello, everyone,

and welcome to Talent Star.

Hey, I'm your host, Brick Pimiento.

I just wanted to reassure you all that

everything is fantastic, just fantastic.

There isn't a problem, nothing happened

and there's definitely no ghost.

BARB & LANCE: Ghost?

- Ghost? I didn't say ghost.

Why would I say ghost

when there's no ghost, heh? Fantastic.

[LAUGHS]

- There he is.

- Yeah, there he is.

You're okay there, right, Dewey, heh?

Fantastic. Well, carry on.

[YAWNS THEN SNIFFS]

I smell dog.

Uh, Mr. Ottoman, are you all right?

Dogs are nothing but big furry sacks

of germs. Did you know that?

- I don't think that...

- I'm going to find that dog...

...if it takes me all night. Give me that.

SHAGGY:

Mr. Pimiento. Mr. Pimiento!

Can we have two minutes of your time?

We've got an act that's just terrific.

Yeah, terrific.

My friends, I've built my career

on two deeply held beliefs.

One, all talent deserves

a chance to be seen.

And two, juggling stinks.

[BOTH GASPING]

So, what have you got for me?

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

[CHUCKLES]

[BOTH GASP]

Terrible. That was just...

[CHRISSY SCREAMING]

[BOTH GASP]

Aah! I don't know what that was

but I'm running away from it.

SCOOBY:
Me too.

[ALL PANTING]

Is it him?

[PHANTOM LAUGHING]

[CHRISSY SCREAMS]

- Yeah, it's the Phantom.

- The Phantom?

- What are they doing...?

- There.

Now he's there.

Velma, you watch the monitors.

You can tell me where he is.

- Daphne, you come with...

- Yes.

[SHAGGY & SCOOBY GASPING]

- Which way?

VELMA:
Turn left at the end of the hall.

Second door on your left.

BRICK:
Are you getting all this on camera?

- Yeah, this is great stuff.

Fantastic. Should we use it for promos

or leak it to Whotube?

- Both.

- Hmm.

Look out!

Are you okay?

FRED:
Velma, which way?

- I don't know.

I can't see where he went.

In here.

- He'll never think to look in here, right?

- Right.

[SNIFFS]

I smell lemons.

[SNIFFS]

Yeah, I smell lemons too.

Do you smell lemons?

[SCOOBY & SHAGGY SCREAM]

[PHANTOM LAUGHING]

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes