Scooby-Doo! Stage Fright Page #2

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There. He's heading north.

- North, which way is that?

VELMA:
Go left.

No, right. Then left.

[BOTH GRUNT]

- I'm sorry.

- No, I'm sorry.

- I didn't mean to...

VELMA:
Go.

He's on the stairs.

What? Did you see that?

Maybe he really is a ghost.

How could he just disappear?

- There must be a rational explanation.

- Yeah, like he's a ghost.

[SCOOBY GIBBERING]

A ghost who smells like lemons?

That sounds kind of weird.

And it's not weird to have a ghost

who doesn't smell like lemons?

We have to get to the bottom of this.

[DOOR OPENS]

[ALL GASP]

Dog.

Dog, where?

Get that germ sack out of here.

Right now.

Did he leave footprints?

I think I see footprints.

He didn't touch any walls, did he?

Oh, my gosh. Now I'll have to sanitize

the entire building.

Good thing I brought bleach.

Out, I said. Out, out, out.

Come on, guys.

I want this floor buffed.

And I want it polished.

Okay, I'll check us in to the hotel

and do some Internet research.

Shaggy and Scooby,

you go to the library on State Street.

See what you can find out

about the Opera House's history.

How are we the choice

for library research?

I'll see what I can find

out in the building.

Daphne, you come with... Yes.

- I'm going with Fred, heh.

- Ah.

Welcome to the Hotel Canard.

How may I be of service?

- Hello, I need to check...

- Hi, checking in. Barb and Lance Damon.

- And Chrissy.

- I'm sorry, this young lady was...

- Hey, are you giving us attitude?

- I think he's giving us attitude.

Listen, buddy, I want someone

to take Chrissy's bags to the room now.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Humph.

Oh, Chrissy. Are you okay?

Of course, I'm okay.

Why wouldn't I be okay?

Weren't you scared of the Phantom?

You were screaming...

[LAUGHING]

That wasn't a scared scream, stupid.

It was a happy scream because he told me

I'm gonna win the competition.

- He told you...

- I'm gonna win.

Even if he has to obliterate

all the other contestants.

- Isn't that awesome? Heh.

VELMA:
Uh...

It's true. We have a genuine psycho

on our side. Score.

And that's why the Phantom wrote,

"Christine must win" on that clipboard.

- Her name's Christine.

- But call her Chrissy.

Only don't call her Chrissy

because don't talk to her.

- You're getting nerd breath all over her.

- Come on, Chrissy. Keep smiling.

- Oh, they're unbearable, aren't they?

- Yeah.

- Who are you?

- I am The Great Pauldini.

- My card.

- Uh, that's an egg.

Okay, egg, card, whatever.

I made it appear, right?

Can you do that? No, you can't

because you're not a magician, heh.

- Who's a magician?

- You are?

Oh, yeah, heh. Up high.

That's what I'm talking about.

WALDO:
He's pretty unbearable himself.

- Tell me about... Hello?

[WALDO CLEARS THROAT]

Waldo. The ventriloquist.

And here's Hufnagel, my dummy.

- Hi, toots.

- And I sit on his lap.

It's funny. Not at all demeaning. Right?

- Right.

- Right. Catch you later.

Oh, my gosh, he is adorable.

I am not adorable. I am hot.

- You know, what? He kind of is.

- Totally.

Um, I saw him first.

- Hey, you guys are that band, right?

- Yes.

ALL [UNISON]:

We are Girlasaurus Rex.

[ALL GROWLING]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, my gosh, we are so metal, heh.

Cathy. It's so not metal to say,

"Oh, my gosh, we're so metal."

Right. Sorry.

We were a country act

until three months ago.

We agreed we weren't telling people that.

Now, come on, look surly.

I think a lemon-scented ghost

would fit right in with this crowd.

Fred, why do ghosts and monsters

and stuff turn up wherever we go?

- Is it something about us?

- No, this happens to everyone.

- What?

- It would be too much of a coincidence...

...if this only happened to us.

So logically everyone must run into ghosts

and monsters all the time.

- Really?

- Sure, it's simple math.

They must be everywhere.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[ALL SCREAM]

- What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?

I'm Mel Richmond. I own this building

and I have a right to lurk in it.

- You must be from the show, right?

- Yeah, we're contestants.

Right. Well, uh, good luck to you.

You make a cute couple.

We're not a cute couple.

I mean, heh, we're not a couple...

...so we can't be a cute one, although

we would be if we were. Which we're not.

[CHUCKLING]

I mean, it's not that we don't like each

other, we just don't "like" like each other.

It's not likely. Right, Fred? Or do we?

We don't, right? Do we?

Why are we talking about this so much?

Can we change the subject now, please?

This is none of your business.

Uh, Mr. Richmond, do you know

anything about the Phantom?

Argh, that business again.

Look, that was all way before my time.

I inherited this place a few years ago

when my father passed away.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Me too, it's costing me thousands

of dollars a week.

I can't do anything with it.

People are still spooked by that Phantom

nonsense and that was 35 years ago.

What was 35 years ago?

Uh, it happened back in the '70s.

Before that there had been some oddities.

But, you know, nothing scary.

But when my father turned the place

into a disco, all heck broke loose.

The Phantom wreaked havoc every night.

People thought it was part of the show.

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

Despite the Phantom, the club flourished.

Customers looked forward to seeing him.

Even though it was said his mask

hid a terrible deformity.

[LAUGHING]

No one was ever really hurt.

But then the Phantom became

more destructive.

He even set fires.

Then one night,

he destroyed the disco ball.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

After that, no one came back.

Finally, my father had to close

the place down.

I hadn't been able to rent it at all

until the Talent Star people came around.

Now they say the Phantom's back.

Well, maybe I'll get lucky

and he'll burn the place down...

...so I can collect the insurance money, eh?

Heh, heh.

Or maybe I should put on a cape and mask

and do it myself, ha, ha.

[GASPS]

What? Ah, now, don't look at me like that.

You see, that's why I don't make jokes.

Know what I like best

about going to the library, Scoob?

- The books?

- Nope.

The fact that it's far, far away

from that Phantom guy.

You said it.

And it's nice that Velma trusts us

with such an important assignment like...

[BOTH SNIFF]

SHAGGY & SCOOBY: Pizza.

[SHAGGY PANTING]

Give me eat.

Right this way, sir.

[GIBBERING]

Do you have anything bigger

than the extra-extra-large?

Yeah, but it's not on the menu.

Oh, and you have to sign a release

saying we're not responsible if you die.

- We'll take it.

- Alrighty.

But I'll have to move you

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