Scoop Page #4

- Thank you.

Yes, we're the Spences of...

of Palm Beach.

Oh, not the same Spences

who own the shipping line?

No, no, no.

My father's into silver and gold

and drilling.

For wells.

What are you doing in London?

I'm here visiting friends

in Holland Park.

Oh, good.

What do you do, Jade?

Well, I am an actress.

Oh, really?

Yes, actually

I'm up for the part of Desiree

in the new Mike Tinsley film.

Oh, well, you're certainly

beautiful enough.

Thank you.

Look, Jade,

if you're not busy,

my father's giving a garden party

at the estate on Sunday

and I'd love you to come.

I'd be very happy to be your

date and show you around.

The English countryside is very

lovely this time of the year.

- Sounds fantastic.

- Good.

Do you mind if I bring my father?

Your father?

Oh, look!

There he is right now.

I was in the lounge.

I heard you drowning.

I finished my tea and scones

and came immediately.

Dad, this is Peter Lyman,

who was nice enough to rescue me.

Dad?

Yes, of course, child!

She cannot swim.

The girl cannot swim.

Like a lead weight, she sinks

to the bottom all the time.

It's a family trait. Lack of buoyancy, or...

Her siblings have it as well.

Yes, well, listen

pleasure to meet you, Mr. Spence, right?

Yes.

Yes, and I'll see you

on Sunday at the estate.

Oh, great. Sunday? What's Sunday?

Not a fox hunt?

No. No, Dad.

I'll explain it to you later.

Listen, I'll leave all the

information at the desk, all right?

Hey, come, child.

What kind of idiot are you?

Not a fox hunt?

I'd like to talk to these

people in their own terms.

And, oh, thanks for

telling him I'm your father.

Oh, incidentally, he thinks

my name is Jade Spence,

so that makes you Mr. Spence.

Wait a minute, I...

This is too tricky.

I don't want to

go ahead with this.

Why? What's wrong with you?

Your whole life is deception.

- You're a magician.

- Yes, I'm a magician

- and I want to stay a magician.

- Can I have a Coke please?

I don't want to get sued

or deported

or arrested

for stalking somebody.

This is a big guy

you're dealing with.

This is a big story, no kidding.

That's what Joe Strombel said.

That's why he's returned, you know.

This is his last big scoop.

Hey. What do I care

about Joe Strombel?

Suddenly I'm taking direction

from a hunk of ectoplasm?

This could be

very big for my career.

Your career's fine.

You're on the college Bugle,

or whatever it is.

You got years for scoops.

You know what?

Forget you, all right.

I'll do this on my own.

I don't need you.

Go back to your card tricks.

I didn't say I wouldn't help you.

You know, I just...

It has to be done properly.

You know, we gotta

put our heads together.

If we put our heads together,

you'll hear a hollow noise.

Look at this place.

All it's missing is a moat.

Hey,

I could get used to this.

Look at this.

Oh, there he is.

Remember, Jade Spence.

Jade...

Jade, who?

There you are.

Hello. How are you?

Welcome, Mr. Spence and Jade.

Mr. Spence.

You look stunning.

- Oh, thank you. It's beautiful here.

- Stunning.

Thank you. Thank you.

Yes. It's been in the family

for years. About 400 years.

It's a little stuffy

for my taste, but...

She said,

"All that's missing is a moat."

Right.

I love that. I love

the moat line.

"All that's missing is a moat."

Beautiful.

Ah, this is my father.

Father, Stephen Lyman, this is...

These are my friends from America

- I was telling you about.

- Oh, Lord Lyman.

Jade Spence, Mr. Spence.

- How are you?

- Hello.

Curtsey, curtsey, curtsey, curtsey, curtsey,

curtsey, I've never met a Lord before.

How exciting!

No, but there was that Earl that we...

There was that Earl.

I do hope

you're enjoying yourself.

Peter, why don't you

show them around?

Absolutely.

Would you like that?

Oh, it...

Charmed, I'm sure.

Should we hit

the buffet table first though?

No, Dad. Because the

stuff looks great.

Remember,

we wanted to look around.

Yes, of course, of course,

blessed offspring.

Why don't we get a drink

and then we'll start inside?

- Oh, okay.

- Come.

Yes, I love this room here.

We often spend evenings in here.

The English countryside!

It's elegant, yet understated.

I like that.

You've done wonders

with the place.

It brings to mind Trollope.

Oh, do you enjoy

reading Trollope, too?

No, no, not the author.

This was a girl I knew.

Well, come. Let's go upstairs

and have a look at the view.

Would you quit fooling around!

What's wrong with you?

- Try to pick up clues, try to remember things.

- I'm charming him.

I remember.

I got a mnemonic

system that I use.

- I use images, it's a trick.

- Uh-huh, yeah.

Say I want to remember

this ashtray.

I think of, like, 50 ashtrays dancing on a

desert island in hula skirts or something

and then I remember.

I can call it to mind whenever I...

Where are you going?

This is one of the drawing rooms.

Wow, this is

really beautiful, isn't it?

Oh, here we have...

This is my great-grandfather.

There's grandfather

and his wife, Lady Hayden.

Reminds me of the portrait of

Aunt Hillary in the library, no?

Game woman, Hillary. Suffragette, I believe.

Yeah. Diphtheria took her.

Or perhaps it was elm blight.

Come on, Dad.

Oh, this is just beautiful. Wow.

Yes. I love the lake.

Do either of you fish?

No, no, never have.

Oh, I'll have to teach you.

I've taken some salmon,

you know. Organic.

Yes, me, too.

I fly fish a little. But...

So, Jade, do you enjoy concerts?

I'm very big on the Philharmonic.

We sponsor, in fact.

I used to play the violin,

very, very badly.

But I have a number of... Well, actually

quite a large musical collection.

Do you play an instrument,

either of you?

Because we have

these lovely music gatherings.

I do. Yes, I play the...

Various classics, you know, Noel

Coward and Shakespeare and...

Right. We gave her piano lessons

when she was a little girl,

but her fingers

were just too stubby. So...

Yes, what about you,

Mr. Spence?

Well, I play the blues harp.

It's a little metal thing

you put in your mouth

and makes a twanging sound.

Very musical. Yes, yes.

Used to be called the Jew's harp,

but you know how those people are.

The slightest hint of anti-Semitism

and they write letters.

I would love it if you could teach me

how to fly fish. That would be great.

Oh, it would be my pleasure.

Okay, I want you to watch me very closely.

Pay very strict attention here.

Now I want you

to take a card.

Take any card you like.

You got it?

Go ahead, sweetheart. Take it.

You got it?-

Now put it in your pocketbook.

Put the card...

She's gonna put the card

in her pocketbook.

You got it? All right, now tell

everybody what the card was.

- It was the six of hearts.

- Six of hearts.

Can I ask you a question?

Was it this six of hearts?

But I just put that

in my bag.

Well, check your card.

Check your card.

It's amazing!

You're a wonderful sport, Claire.

I mean that sincerely.

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