Scoop Page #7

- Nice to meet you.

Calm down, calm down.

It was... It was...

It was...

Eight maids a-milking

and three French hens.

No, no.

Sixteen, wait, 21 jet planes,

12 spinning midgets.

Eureka!

I'll be right back.

I'm just gonna use the bathroom.

Sidney?

Sidney, is that you?

I'm locked in! Oh, Christ...

What's the combination?

For some reason,

it's gone out of my mind.

Did you see Miss Spence?

I thought I saw her

going downstairs.

Downstairs, right.

It's 16 blue horses.

It's 21 jet planes.

And 12 midgets.

Twelve spinning midgets.

Oh, thank God!

I thought I was gonna turn out

to be one of those skeletons

people find when they sell the house.

Check the door.

Sixteen, 21, 12. You couldn't

remember that number?

My mnemonic system failed me.

What do you want me to say?

Now exactly what are we looking for in here?

This is all...

I'm not really sure.

You're not sure?

Well, you know,

don't break anything.

By God, we'll get caught

and God knows.

Hey, you know

the old dirty joke

about how the French horn player

sleeps with his wife at night?

Sidney, put that thing down!

Will you excuse me?

There's nothing but musical

instruments in here.

I'm telling you, we're on a

wild goose chase. Believe me.

Jade?

What's the matter?

Did you hear that?

I thought I heard something.

Oh, come on, come on.

Let's get out of here.

All we need

is to get caught in here.

Jade?

Ah, there you are.

I was searching for you.

The guests

will be leaving soon.

Yes, well, I was just showing Father around.

He loves English homes.

Yes, I was very impressed

with your cellar.

I have a wonderful cellar myself.

No wine,

but it's rodent free.

Well, let's get a drink.

Please, Mr. Spence, I haven't

seen you with a drink all night.

- Can you stay the night, please?

- What?

- Come on.

- No, I can't.

- Why not?

- My father.

Oh, come on, I'll have

my driver take him home.

No. I can't let you go.

You're too beautiful.

Look at you. I can't.

Jade?

Jade.

Jade, it's 4:
00 a.m.

What are you doing?

I couldn't sleep,

so I thought maybe some milk.

Jade, can I ask you something?

Would you consider not going

home at the end of the summer?

I don't understand,

what more proof do you need?

What are you gonna

tell the police?

The guy owns a deck

of Tarot cards.

That's not a crime.

I mean, what, he was late

for a poker game?

I'm sure he's smart enough

to have an alibi.

What are we left with?

His mother has short-cut,

brunette hair.

I mean, look, if we blow

the whistle on this guy...

I know. I understand...

and he's innocent and

we can't make the story

Then he realizes

that you're, you know,

you're a pushy little phony

who's been playing him for a sucker

and he dumps you,

you know. I get it.

All right. All I'm saying, is that

in order to make an accusation,

we gotta have proof.

Especially

about Lord Lyman's son.

You don't make an accusation.

We can phone in

an anonymous tip.

You know how many crank tips

the papers say the police get?

You're gonna phone one in

on Peter Lyman!

They'll hang up on you

mid-sentence.

Besides, if the story's true,

I want to be the one

to break it.

You know

what Joe Strombel said?

He said, "Get it first,

but first get it right."

Happy birthday.

Wow, thank you.

What's up?

You look so sullen.

No, I'm not. I just...

I get sad around birthdays.

Oh, yes, well,

I can understand that,

but I think we're both still

young enough to enjoy the gifts.

Come on, open it.

Okay.

Oh, wow, it's beautiful.

- You like it?

- I love it.

Good. Here, allow me.

Gosh.

You shouldn't have.

I wanted to.

Hey, hey, are you crying?

No, I'm too tough to cry.

Though my nasal passages do

become congested when I'm sad.

Oh, don't be sad.

It's your birthday.

Oh, I wish I could

celebrate with you tonight.

I just have to go out of town

for a few days.

Really?

Yes, I just have

some business to take care of.

But we'll celebrate when I

get back, all right? Okay.

Thank you so much for the present.

It's beautiful.

I'll think about you

whenever I wear it.

You didn't tell me

it was your birthday!

I'll take you

for a magnificent dinner.

We'll go to a

great restaurant.

Really?

Do you enjoy

the McNuggets thing?

What about Indian food?

Do you like spicy food?

No, no, it's okay.

I don't really have

much of an appetite.

But you will when they bring out

the prawns in hydrochloric acid.

It's fantastic, Sondra.

What's the matter?

- What, are you thinking of Peter?

- No.

I don't know, it's just...

I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me

to marry him one day, you know?

You come from an Orthodox family.

Would they accept a serial killer?

That's an expensive present.

The Lymans are so wealthy.

Yes.

It was almost too extravagant.

I'd better get ready.

I still haven't found

my millionaire yet.

Oh, God, Sondra, what a mess!

It's starting to add up

against him.

Bits and scraps

are coming together.

God, it's you!

I sensed you were falling in love.

I escaped again.

It's just circumstantial junk, you know.

A coincidence here and there.

Too much smoke

not to be fire.

Look, I'm sure you've been

wrong plenty of times.

Not wrong here.

Though I agree you haven't got

enough to pull the trigger yet.

If you act prematurely,

not only does he walk,

your professional credibility

is wrecked, sometimes for good.

Oh, I'm sure you want him

to be guilty.

You know, that way you get

your last big scoop.

I'm beginning to fade.

Sondra, don't let me down!

I wish you'd fade for good!

Get out of my life!

I'm not cut out for this.

I should be

flossing molars for a living.

The bread is... You know, I can

make a meal just with the bread.

I can do a whole meal,

just nothing but bread.

If I ate that much bread,

I'd be 20 pounds heavier.

See, I never gain an ounce,

because, you know,

my anxiety acts like aerobics.

So I get the exercise.

Thanks for taking me out

for my birthday, Sidney.

Well, you know, you're the

daughter that I never had.

- Oh, that's so...

- No, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

'Cause I never wanted

to have kids.

I didn't.

Because you have kids,

what is it?

You know,

you're nice to them,

you bring them up,

you suffer,

you take care of them

and then they grow up and they

accuse you of having Alzheimer's.

Could you ever live in London?

Could I live in London? No.

And I love London.

Don't get me wrong,

I love London,

but, you know,

apart from the language problem,

I can't take the driving.

Because it, you know,

it's on the wrong side, and I...

Every time

I drive a car here,

I'm convinced

I'm going to die in a crash.

Sidney!

What's the matter?

It's Peter.

You said

Peter was out of town.

Well, that's what he told me.

Come on.

What do you mean, come on?

I ordered prawns.

Just pay, all right?

Just pay.

What do you mean, pay?

All I do is...

Fine, it's her birthday.

Come on.

Maybe he's got

another woman on the side,

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