Scoop Page #6

They need to be played.

All these old instruments,

it's very romantic.

- Shall I show you upstairs?

- Okay.

- What's your name, sweetheart?

- Tell me your name.

I'm Wendy Beamish.

Wendy... Let's hear it

for Wendy Beamish.

Fantastic. I love you, Wendy.

I really do.

- Is it your first time on stage?

- Yes. Yes.

I love this woman from the bottom

of my heart. I mean that sincerely.

You're an incredible woman and I say

that with all due respect, Wendy.

Wendy, have you ever

been dematerialized before?

No, I haven't.

Ever had your

molecules broken up?

No, no, I've haven't.

She's nervous.

Don't be nervous, sweetheart.

This is not gonna hurt much.

Get into the box.

Get into the dematerializer.

Are you in there?

You comfortable?

I'm fine.

Okay, okay, stay calm.

Stay calm.

Can you hear me, Wendy?

You feel the molecules evaporating?

Let me hear from you, honey!

Remember these numbers.

16, 21, 12.

What?

16, 21, 12.

16, 21, 12.

Sixteen, 16 blue horses.

Twenty-one jet planes.

And 12 midgets.

12 spinning midgets.

That was as great

as I imagined it would be.

You look beautiful.

And pensive.

No, not pensive.

Just confused.

Women after lovemaking,

it's always so complicated.

Hey, I love your aftershave.

What is it?

It's Yardley.

I first used it when I was

16 and never changed.

I'm a very loyal soul.

Come here.

Do you have to put them on?

Well, they're quite sexy. God,

what makes you smell so sweet?

Oh, you like it?

Just some fragrance.

Right.

Where are you going?

I have an idea.

I think it's time to celebrate

with some champagne.

I want you to stay.

I make a mean scrambled egg.

Stay.

That's my mother.

Oh, she's very attractive.

Yes, she was very beautiful,

but quite difficult.

Difficult?

How?

Unfaithful.

Say, can you please stay?

Nothing would please me more. Come on.

I really can't.

Oh, why not?

My father.

He's feeling not that great.

Nothing serious?

No, no, nothing.

Just a tooth problem.

You know, a little

sensitivity in lower seven.

I really should go.

So, let me get back to the story.

I'm on stage.

I'm doing the dematerializer trick

with this chick

from Manchester.

I don't know

where they get these people,

but she looked like Sitting Bull.

And I got her in the thing,

and I vanish her

and everything goes according

to plan exactly and she's gone.

And suddenly, Strombel appears.

What?

Yes, Strombel's in there!

I got a tremendous hand

from the audience.

I wish I could do it every night!

What did he say?

He gave me

the combination to a safe.

What safe, I have no idea.

I didn't see any safe.

Well, did you accomplish anything

besides maybe a possible pregnancy?

I'll tell you what I did see.

His mother, Lady Eleanor,

has short-cut, brunette hair.

Yeah, but not a hooker?

No, Sidney,

she's not a hooker!

I hardly think so.

She's practically royalty.

Christ, you amaze me sometimes.

Your brain!

Back off. You know,

you're getting so upset.

I'm just trying to figure out

the various ramifications.

I just don't like

this whole thing!

I feel disgusting,

all right, it's awful.

I don't like

the whole process.

Yeah, you want to think

he's innocent.

What's so bad about that, huh?

Jesus, this guy

must be some lover, you know.

I mean, all of a sudden you're

ready to dump the whole story.

I must find out

what breakfast cereal he eats.

What am I talking about?

There's a combination on the door where he

keeps his precious musical instruments.

Okay,

so there is a combination!

I just got

to get in that room.

Do you have the combination?

We're not gonna break into his room

if that's what you're thinking.

You gotta have the com...

I got to get in there. No, no.

No, no, we're not going to do this

because it's not legal... You...

Sondra, what's wrong with you?

This guy is

the son of a Lord!

They'll take us to the Tower

of London and behead us!

- Hi.

- Guess what?

- What?

- Peter Lyman sent you flowers.

I assume your name is Jade Spence?

Naturally I accepted for you.

Yeah, I'm Jade Spence.

- What is going on?

- Oh, Vivian...

Peter's giving a party on

Saturday and he wants me to come.

I... Oh,

I guess I'll have to buy a dress.

Well, he certainly

seems smitten with you.

If he's smitten with anyone,

it's Jade Spence.

Who is Jade Spence?

A would-be investigative reporter

who's falling in love with the

object of her investigation.

Of course we did.

Absolutely.

God bless you, sir.

I'm going to show

you a little thing.

I want you to think of a card.

Just think of one

of those cards.

Any one you want.

You got it?

All right, now, are you happening to

be thinking of the seven of spades?

That's amazing!

How do you do that?

Just a little hobby of mine.

You know, I wish

I had more time to practice,

but, what with my oil wells,

you know, I never get around to it.

Your daughter's very beautiful.

- You met my daughter?

- Yes.

Yes, we're very proud of her.

She's a lovely girl.

Overcame a great handicap.

Yeah. You know,

she was learning disabled.

Her mother and I took her to

many specialists, you know.

Now she's practically normal,

you know.

She's a charmer.

God bless you, sweetheart.

What is your sign?

I'm an Aquarian.

- You're Aquarian?

- And what is your persuasion?

- Do you mean my religion?

- Yeah, your persuasion.

- I'm a Christian.

- Yes, are you?

- What are you?

- Me, I was born into the Hebrew persuasion,

but, when I got older,

I converted to narcissism.

Dad?

Dad, I need to talk

to you right now.

Oh, I was just about to pull some

quarters out of Mrs. Quincy's nose.

Right now.

I need to talk to you.

- Really?

- Yep.

Excuse me. I'll...

Where?

Would you stop doing

those nitwit tricks?

What is wrong with you?

You're supposed to be a

dignified businessman.

I told them it was a hobby.

The hobby of a rich merchant.

You know, so...

- Oh, excuse me.

- Excuse me.

Go down the stairs,

open the music room door.

I'll keep Peter busy.

I'll meet you down there in a minute.

You brought the combination, right?

No, I left it in my other jacket.

- What?

- Yes. And...

So, what are we gonna do?

You gotta go home

and get it then.

I can't get it because the other

jacket's in the cleaners.

Sidney. This is the problem

having a limited wardrobe.

But not to worry.

I have a mnemonic system.

I remember everything.

There you are. Mr. Spence,

trust you're having a good time?

Yes, a great time!

This reminds me of our party.

We threw a masked ball in Palm Beach

this year, it was wonderful.

I came as a harlequin.

She dressed as Petunia Pig.

Honey, there's something I

wanted to ask you about.

- Absolutely.

- That was a mask, wasn't it? Just...

- I love her.

- Just a minute, okay?

Do you need a drink, Mr. Spence?

No, I'm fine, thank you.

It's eight

blue horses.

No, no, no.

It's 10.

Ten spinning midgets.

No, it's 12. Twelve jet

planes and eight... No.

- Good to see you. Have a nice time.

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