Screwed

(SIREN BLARING)

DOUGIE:
Think you'll cope then, Sam?

What, fatherhood? Or Civvy street?

Nah, mate, boredom will get you!

Danielle won't let that happen.

SAM:
Come on.

Let's do it!

SOLDIER:
How are we, lads?

(EXPLOSION)

(SOLDIERS SHOUTING)

(GRoANING)

SAM:
We've got casualties.

Prepare to move forward!

DOUGIE:
We have to wait

for the rest of the platoon.

SAM:
F*** that, we ain't got time!

Go!

(PANTING)

DOUGIE:
Move!

Dougie.

(PHONE RINGING)

(ON ANSWERING MACHINE)

Hi, it's Danielle. Leave a message.

F***!

SAM:
Move!

Stoppage!

F***.

-SAM:
F***.

-(SCREAMS)

In!

Dougie.

No, Dougie. Dougie, can you hear me?

Dougie! Medic!

I need a f***ing medic!

F***.

(sHouTs) Medic.

Dani?

(DOOR OPENING)

ALL:
Surprise!

(cHEERING)

(ALL ExcLAllvllNG)

Give her a sausage then, mate?

Come here, come here.

Good to see ya!

RICKY:
Get it in, down in one!

(cHEERING)

MAN 1:
Welcome home, mate!

MAN 2:
It's good to see you,

you done us proud. Thank you very much.

SAM:
Thank you, I really appreciate it!

It's so good to be back.

NEIL:
Here he is,

here is, the man himself.

SAM:
Rita!

(LAuGHING)

RICKY:
Looking good, mate!

Are you all right?

You look good, too!

We missed you, mate.

I f***ing missed you.

You boys look great.

This is a lovely whistle.

Yeah, listen, mate, we are on to

a bit of a money spinner, mate.

I don't want you to worry

about anything,

if you got any problems you call me

and we'll line something up.

I've got a couple of possibilities

but I'll have a think about it!

(BABY COOING)

Experience, experience, experience...

What about this?

Salary's good!

Pension.

Suitable for ex-service personal.

(scoFFs)

I don't want to work with scum all day.

Not all convicts are bad.

I'm not talking about the convicts.

The money's good, you can even

transfer your pension across,

there would be sick pay, holidays,

baby, you'll breeze

through the interview.

It's just the same sh*t,

different uniform.

What else are you going to do?

Something will come up, all right.

RICKY:
Oi! Oi, stranger!

SAM:
All right, lads.

You running your errands?

Responsibilities, Rita.

NEIL:
Listen, mate,

I can give you a lift,

but you have to fold yourself up

in the back.

(LAuGHING)

Nah, you're all right.

it's just round the corner.

Mate, come on, have a look at this!

Get in there.

SAM:
Yeah?

RICKY:
Yeah.

So what you reckon?

This is my new sexy baby!

Yeah.

So tell me what you got going on?

Well, there was this thing,

doing security for an Arab family

but, you know, it fell through.

Sam, I told you, call me.

We've got loads going at the moment

and this is easy money.

Yeah, Sammy, you're not going

to believe the contact we made, man,

I'm telling ya,

this fella is well connected,

he's proper, he gives a good price

and it's f***ing brilliant quality!

And we're not dealing

with punters any more,

nothing smaller than an ounce, mate.

Nah, I don't know.

It doesn't sound like my thing.

RICKY:
Come on, mate,

what else you got?

I got family now.

I got a little boy, I got Dani!

-So, I've got a f***ing 5-year-old.

-NEIL:
Exactly.

(LAuGHING)

Listen, Sam, it's not risky, mate,

it's not risky!

All right, the quantities are bigger,

but we are dealing directly

with the suppliers and the retailers.

We're not dealing

with these f***ing mugs.

Look, it's up to you, mate.

If you want in, it's what, Rick?

A few hours a week.

We pick up the gear, we drop it off,

and we collect and that's it!

DANIELLE:
Are you awake, babe?

Yeah.

(SAM CLEARS THROAT)

I'm scared.

Don't be scared, babe.

It's going to be all right.

We had plans

and you've been back six months.

I don't want this for Toby.

-(DANIELLE SNIFFLES)

-I've been a bit unlucky.

-Yeah .

-Yeah .

I'm not going to let you down.

-I promise.

-Okay.

Come here.

SAM:
I'm not going to let you down.

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

You all right, lads?

Sam! Here, mate.

-What the f***'s all that about?

-Ah, don't worry yourself!

F***ing bastards.

Yeah, always someone, isn't there?

-How are you doing?

-Yeah, not too bad.

Is he up for a night out tonight?

-Don't think so.

-Really?

So he says but sometimes

he changes his plan.

Yourself?

(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

DEANO:
For the car, I love that car!

JAMIE:
It's not a classic!

DEANO:
I love that car!

JAMIE:
Yeah, I understand

but it's just not a classic!

F*** me, the sprogs are back

from training.

You all right?

Surprised to see you,

I didn't think you'd stick it out.

What about, what about the fat bird?

Nah, she didn't make it,

she bottled it after been

shown around this place.

That's a result.

Hey! At least the biscuits are safe.

(LAuGHING)

Hope it wasn't something I said!

What about? You know...

He's, er... He's behind you!

Here he is.

I bet you can't wait to get stuck

into some nasty little convict, can ya?

Need a bit of muscle on the wing?

NIALL:
Yeah, been doing

a bit of extra training.

Have ya, really? That's good.

I can't wait for my first bang up!

JAMIE:
it's bend up, you prick!

Word for the wise, we do things

a lot different than training.

Remember in Shawshank,

they'd run a book on who'd crack first.

Who's your money on.

I'll have a tenner on me,

sticking my boot up your arse,

if you don't sit down and shut up.

You never spent the tenner

Right.

Before I start the briefing,

we will be graced

by the presence of Mr Keenan,

who would like to say a few words.

DEANO:
What you got to realise

is that it's all a work of art.

It's a sculpture like an art form.

It's a thing of beauty.

Deano!

Right, gentleman, new faces time.

So I thought I'd just pop down

and welcome them aboard to the D wing.

We have Curtis Nelson.

Niall Brody and Sam Norwood.

I am the wing governor.

My name is Maurice Keenan.

You will address me

as Guv, Sir or Mr Keenan.

JAMIE:
(SOFTLY) Or receding c*nt.

(LAuGHING)

So we get things clear from the start,

this is my wing.

The regime and how it runs

is organised by me.

The rules you adhere to are mine

and they are there because this is real.

People can, and do get hurt.

It needs a tight ship

and I'm the captain.

So welcome aboard.

I hope you all do well.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

(INMATE SHOUTING)

PRISON OFFICER:
Eddie!

I got one refusing court up here!

Direct order.

Last chance or bend him up.

Sweet.

INMATE:
F***'s sake, blood,

I need my meds.

EDDIE:
Never mind your meds, you c*nt!

If you kick that again,

you're going to need a f***ing doctor.

INNIATE:
Sorry, guv!

Hello, sir, I'm working

on here with you today.

How you doing, son?

-Eddie.

-Mr Norwood.

Right.

Forget the training school bollocks.

We'd get f*** all done.

If the cons know your first name,

they're not going to hunt you olown

and kill you. All right?

So they can know it.

Just don't let them use it.

Right. It's Sam.

Aye, smells

like a musty butchers right enough.

But trust me,

you'll be breathing that in

like it's a bunch of daisies,

after you've to deal

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