Second Hand Wedding Page #3

We'll, you do have an eye for a bargain.

- Let me introduce myself.

- Yes, Desmond Daney,

I know who you are we've met before.

Yes, I've seen your face around at the sales.

Jill isn't it?

- Jill Rose.

- Yes.

Look take my card, I'm always on the lookout for

agents.

You know people who can scout around, pick up

stuff for me.

You want me to work for you?

It'd hardly be work, you know commission based,

finders fee.

Well, I think I'll go, someone's picked the eyes out

of this place.

I know.

Well good day to you Jill.

Bye, bye.

What was that about?

He wants me to work for him.

No, you told him no didn't you?

Not really, I didn't say anything actually.

Do you think that's his real hair?

Okay Kevin.

Will that be all?

No, I'll take that bowl, and that toaster.

Kevin, what's in that box?

Oh, nothing you ladies would want.

Don't be too sure about that.

Oh sweet, I'll take one.

- Me too.

- Ten dollars.

- They're not really for sale.

- 20 bucks.

Well you've been such good customers...

...call it 30, 55 for two.

Sold.

You gave her the ring, she said yes. What's the

problem?

You gave her the ring, she said yes. What's the

problem?

The problem, yoghurt for brains, is that she's not

wearing the ring.

It's just a ring, why does he need the world to

know.

Yeah, but the woman he loves is too scared to

wear the ring because she's afraid of her Mum

finding out.

He likes the parents, the parents like him, like I

said before, what's the problem?

Oh, you're just not looking at the big picture are

ya?

Oh look, I'm

really sorry about that, are you okay?

- Do I look okay?

- You sure?

It's your Mrs.

- Oh Jeez, what now?

- Babe...Waz.

This arrived today.

- School Reunion.

- School Reunion.

In the city...they'll all be there.

I just don't think I can face them without...

Without what?

Oh, Honey Monster, I need a new dress.

Ha, ha. Is that all?

Course, just dip into the savings account, anything

you like.

I knew you'd understand.

Oh, and you'll need a new suit and a haircut.

Oh, maybe you could pretend like you own

something important.

I own a garage.

That's it. Ya big in Real Estate.

Hi Boys.

I know it's unfair Stew. It's unfair on everyone. I just

need to prepare myself.

Well I could tell her.

Thanks, I need to face this one on my own.

Well...here she is now.

I was thinking about what you said the other day

about getting a cat.

And I realised what was going on.

What?

Well I was railroading you. You're a grown woman,

you can do whatever you like. So...

...far as I know you're not allergic to puppies.

Oh, Mum you shouldn't have.

What, what breed is it?

His name's Dog.

Now I've got you a bed and a blanket, and some

puppy food.

Books, and a wee bowl.

Ball, chew toy.

Mum I need to....

No need to thank me. I've gotta love you and leave

you.

Muffy got a puppy too, only hers is a wee bit

hyperactive,...

...made a big mess of her place, I'm going over

there to help clean up.

Oh you're going to have to house train that one

yourselves, but don't worry it's all in the books,

okay?

I tried.

Oh, you better tell her,

before someone else does.

I'll tell her on Saturday when we go round for tea.

Oh, look at the three of you, you just look like a

proper wee family, love you bye.

Love you.

Problem was I could never remember what to eat

with what.

So now I am on the Geri Halliwell zero stress diet.

I can honestly say I'm in a place right now where I

have zero stress in my life.

It's actually heightened my awareness of other

people's stress.

For instance, there's this guy who works for my

husband,

Stew Davis, and I can tell his stress levels are off

the chart,

his girlfriend Cheryl is too scared to tell her mother

they're engaged.

Cheryl Rose?

Cheryl Rose, that's it,

she's a teacher too, do ya know her?

No, don't know her.

Well if you ever have stress,

I recommend this diet,

it's great.

So, I just wanted the two of you to be the first to

know,

that...

Stew's asked me to marry him.

That's how you're going to say it?

Well pretty much, I'd like her to think I'm telling both

of you for the first time.

Yeah, it's just the sooner we tell her the better,

this things really been praying on my mind.

Sorry, Dad.

I just don't understand why,

why couldn't you just tell her?

Remember my 21st, remember how Mum took

over?

She invited all her friends and made it some two for

the price of one.

Bit embarrasing.

A bit embarrasing?

Now I seem to remember that there were games.

Don't. Don't you dare.

Twister.

You promised! Nooo!

Now didn't your mother try and put her hand on the

yellow square and

end up falling on top of your boyfriend,

Ha ha ha.

Don't.

Gracie.

Have a seat.

What's this about Jill?

The board got your letter.

Oh.

And I've asked the board if I could talk to you about

it and they've agreed.

The board's going to ignore your letter Gracie.

What?

- They can't!

-They can.

I think it's time that you and I had this out,

I want to know why you dislike me so much.

Is it because I got this job over you?

Of course not.

Well it seems like that to me.

I've really tried and you did nothing,

- they just handed it to you on a silver platter.

- Gracie.

I've been at this school longer than you have.

Only a year.

You think you know it all.

Job, husband, friends, family.

There are things about your family you don't know

Jill Rose.

Things you don't know about your own daughter.

What about my daughter?

She's engaged,

and she didn't want to tell you because you

embarrass her.

Embarrass her?...How?

With all those ghastly bargains you try and foist on

her.

Not everyone wants to be a second-hand rose.

I think you've said quite enough.

- Well I...

- You've done what you set out to do.

I'd like you to go now.

She didn't want a cat.

I wanted to be the one to tell you.

Um, well I'm happy for you.

I'm happy for you and for Stew.

And I don't want you to worry, I'm going to keep my

nose out of it,

You can have exactly the wedding that you want.

Mum, are you okay?

Oh yeah I'm fine, I'm fine

I'm just a wee bit emotional.

I've gotta go take the puppy to the vet for his shots

so, um.

I'll come back later.

I love you Mum.

See you Dad.

See you love.

You knew...

I feel like such a fool.

Where did you get that?

Stew proposed to me at the shop.

Congratulations!

And I said we should...

Jill look at this.

It's nice.

You should get it.

You think so?

Yeah, you haven't bought anything all day.

How much for this vase?

If you think I'm going to let this go for anything less

than 30 you must be kidding.

Ok, 30 then.

Jill, this is the part where you haggle with me,

remember?

I'm sorry, I'm just not into it today.

Oh?

Is she alright?

I don't think so.

Jill, Jill...

I was watching X-Files last night,

man that show's really lost it.

What happened?

Well, there's this little lndian fella right.

And he crawls up into this big fat guys butt,

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