See Here, Private Hargrove

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See Here, Private Hargrove (1944)

Man, screaming:
Hargrove!

Hargrove?

You see Hargrove?

No, I haven't, chief.

Don't add cowardice

to your other

shortcomings, Hargrove.

Come out, wherever you are

and face the wrath of

your managing editor.

Aha!

Something you want to

see me about, chief?

To say that I want to

see you, Mr. Hargrove,

is a crude distortion

of the facts.

The truth is, I'd gladly

pay a fortune

to any eye doctor

who'd fix it so that

I never saw you again.

Come in here!

I've done something bad?

Hmmpf!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sit down, Hargrove.

Not on my desk,

you chowderhead!

There.

Hargrove, I'm an old man.

Oh, you're good for

a year or two yet.

Maybe more if you

controlled your temper.

Thanks.

Hargrove, it's time we had

a man-to-man,

heart-to-heart talk.

Again? We had a man-to-man

talk this morning

and a heart-to-heart

talk yesterday.

Hargrove, what

have I ever done

that I should be punished

by having you on my staff?

I don't know, chief.

Were you good to your mother?

Kind to dumb animals?

I've been kind to

you, haven't I?

Sure.

Honestly, Hargrove, I

hate to fire you again.

[Eating candy]

That's all right, chief.

You always hire me back

in a few days anyway,

and the rest is good for me.

I think it's good

for you, too.

Yeah, but I want you

to be a good reporter!

You can write,

after a fashion,

you work hard,

you're sober,

you don't borrow

too much money,

you're honest, you're sincere.

Yeah, I know, chief...

but you don't bother

about the details!

You don't get names

and addresses straight,

you write a good story

and you walk off

and leave it on your desk.

You do a good interview

with the mayor,

and you walk out with his hat.

You... I don't know

what to do with you.

Another rejection slip?

No, I got a feeling that

this is an acceptance.

Heh, heh, heh. Fat chance.

What magazine would buy

the junk you write?

Don't worry about my

future anymore, chief.

"The president of

the United States"!

"To Marion Hargrove,

greetings."

You're drafted?

This is total war.

Just wait till the

Japs hear I'm coming!

Yeah, I know.

[Men all talking excitedly]

Well, what do you

say, stranger?

Should we strike up

a lifetime friendship?

Swell. Esty's the name.

Orrin Esty, candidate for

the position of private

in the army of the

United States.

Hargrove. Marion Hargrove.

Likewise.

Is this your first

war, Mr. Esty?

Yeah. You a veteran?

Oh, no. I did try

to enlist in 1918,

but a sharp-eyed recruiting

sergeant noticed

that I was only 6

months old at the time.

Tough luck.

Here we go!

Say, if either of you chaps

have forgotten anything...

shaving cream, toothpaste,

stamps, et cetera...

I happen to have a few extras,

and I'd be more than

glad to oblige.

That's very good

of you, sir, b...

and no money down.

First payday's plenty of

time to take care of it.

Hey, I thought we left

the Morris plan behind

when we joined the army.

Oh, this isn't business.

This is just among friends.

Mulvehill's the name.

Welcome, brother Mulvehill.

I am Marion Hargrove,

and on my right is

would-be Private Orrin Esty.

Hiya.

It's an honor to

serve you gentlemen.

Oh, say, just a little

introductory souvenir...

no charge.

Oh, thanks!

Swell!

Say, I'm going to have a

little laundry service going

after a few days at camp,

I hope you fellas

won't forget me.

Oh, I'll never forget

you, Mr. Mulvehill.

Say, haven't you got

some with almonds?

And now, men, you'll

probably be ordered to do

a lot of things that

you don't understand.

But in the army,

there is a reason

for everything.

If you treat the army right,

it'll treat you right.

Now raise your right hands,

say "I," and your names...

[Recruits say names]

And repeat after me.

"Do solemnly swear that I

will bear true faith..."

"Do solemnly swear that I

will bear true faith..."

"And allegiance to the

United States of America..."

"And allegiance to the

United States of America..."

"That I will serve them

honestly and faithfully..."

"That I will serve them

honestly and faithfully..."

"Against all our

enemies whomsoever..."

"Against all our

enemies whomsoever..."

"That I will obey the orders

of the president of

the United States..."

"And that I will obey the orders of the

president of the United States..."

"And the orders of the

officers appointed over me..."

"And the orders of the

officers appointed over me..."

"According to the rules

and articles of war."

"According to the rules

and articles of war."

First officer:
At ease!

Second officer:
At ease!

[All talking at once]

Detail attention!

I guess he only...

shut up, you two!

What do I do now?

All right, men. Pick

out your bunks!

[Noisy clamor]

Ohh!

Oh, a bed!

Man:
Hut!

On your feet. At attention!

Boy, what a sleep we just had.

No talking.

Take off those hats!

At ease, men.

Sergeant:
You don't

sit when at ease!

This'll be your

barracks, your home.

See to it it's kept

clean at all times.

Yes, sir.

Don't speak unless

you're spoken to.

[Whispering]:
Yes, sir.

Sergeant, see that these men

are instructed in making beds.

Sergeant:
Yes, sir.

Before you men get to

sleep in these beds,

you might as well know

how to make them.

Corporal? Show the men

how to make an army bed.

All right, men...

Better take a good

peek at this,

you'll be doing it

for a long time.

Now, the first

step, naturally,

is to unroll the mattress.

Then you take your first sheet

and you spread it out

evenly over the bed.

I don't want to make my bed,

I want to lie in it.

Sergeant:
Pay attention, you

two, this is important.

Now listen and watch

what the corporal does.

You'll notice he spreads

the first sheet

over the mattress

so he has an equal

distance at both ends.

You smooth the sheet and

tuck it under the mattress.

The second sheet

you spread out

to within 6 inches from

the head of the bed.

Then you smooth it

over the first sheet,

and tuck this under the mattress

at the foot of the bed.

Be careful there are no wrinkles

or no holes in the sheet.

Now, your first blanket

should be spread to cover

approximately 2/3 of your bed

from the head to the foot.

You smooth it and take

the second blanket,

double and cover the

remaining space of the bed.

The bed should be made

neat, tidy, and fast.

Then you tuck in the

corners of the bedding

and let it drop back,

that's all there is to it.

Cinch.

Sergeant:
All right,

men, get to work.

[Stretch]

Well, good night, men!

First man:
Good night.

Second man:
Get

him out of there!

[Men shout and laugh]

Ohh, what a day.

I feel as if I've been

in the army

a lot more than one day.

You know, fellas,

I've been making

a little investigation.

That doctor, the one that

gave us all the shots?

Just like I thought...

he's also in charge

of bayonet practice!

Ha ha ha!

I couldn't lift my arm

even if it was time to eat.

Say, I got a little

preparation here.

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