Send Me No Flowers Page #6

We came home right after dinner.

It was a night just like tonight.

Full moon.

We had champagne on the patio.

Isn't it a shame we can't|do the same tonight? - Why not?

Darling, your condition.|You don't have the strength.

Believe me, I'll find the strength.

Well...

I think there's champagne|in the refrigerator. I'll get it.

I'll get it!

Darling,

didn't we have music?

No, but I think I hummed a little.

You're sweet,|I really don't need a wheelchair.

Darling,|you need to conserve your strength.

You're a sweetheart...

Judy, let me in!

Judy, What's going on?

Will you let me in?|- Stop that banging down there.

What are you doing?

You'll wake the... dead!

But what's wrong?

Ask Dr. Morrissey!

What'd you do that for?|Will you let me in?

I'll catch my death of a cold.

Good. Be sure to give it to Linda!

Oh, my cold pills.

Hey, George.

Thanks.|- Would you open up the door?

You want to come in?|- Yes.

I'll open the door.

I love champagne.|How did you know I ran out of booze?

How'd you get so wet? - Oh, shut up,|and get me some dry pyjamas.

I just finished your eulogy.|Let me read it to you.

I don't want to hear it.|- Yes, you do, listen:

"They needed a good sport in heaven,

so they sent for George Kimball. Yes,

George Pommerton Kimball..."|- Arnold! - "the best..."

I don't want to hear it.

We're rather testy, aren't we?|- Yes, we certainly are.

Well, I guess

I'll have to|make a little change here.

"Unfailing good humor."

Sorry, George.

Judy has thrown me out of the house.|- Judy, George?

Thrown you out of the house, George?|Why, George?

Is that the best you've got?|- Yes, till the laundry comes back.

I know Judy.|She wouldn't do that without a reason.

Well, she saw a woman|kissing me in the checkroom.

"Faithful and devoted husband."|- Don't be ridiculous.

It was all perfectly innocent...

Well,|it's too long a story to go into now.

I'm going to

sleep in the kids' room, Okay? - It's|being painted while they're gone.

You'll have to shack up with me.|- Oh, marvellous!

The least a man can ask|is to die in his own bed.

Which side do you sleep on? - I sleep|here, Ruth sleeps by the window.

So does Judy.

What are you doing?|I like fresh air when I'm sleeping.

I will not be poisoned|by damp night air.

"Courtesy and consideration."

Egad, you've got cold feet!|- Complaints, nothing but complaints!

I could complain a little, too!|You ever cut your toenails?

There she is,|probably sleeping peacefully.

And she has the nerve to accuse me...|- I don't know, George.

Methinks you complain too much.|- Don't play holier-than-thou!

You weren't just making eyes|at that waitress in Miami.

I have a good mind|to tell Ruth when she gets back.

"Loyal friend."

Keep it up, buddy. You'll have|the shortest eulogy on record.

Who?

What?

Yeah,

Douglas 2-0-0-2-4.|- That's my number!

That's what he wanted.|- Who?

Winnie. Winnie Burr.|- Winnie Burr?

What'd you give it to him for?

Hi, Winnie.

I heard the horrible news.|Well, I'm just heartbroken.

Who told you?

The milkman?

Yes, Winnie, I'm afraid it's true.

No, no, I don't think there's|anything you can do to patch it up.

Well, I guess|the next few weeks will be tough.

Lonely?

I imagine I will be.

Quiet drink?

Tonight?

Look, Winnie,|will you call back later? The nerve!

Oh, good morning, Mr. Kimball.|Excuse me for laughing, but

you look great for a doomed man.|- How do you know... - Dr. Morrissey.

Would you give this to Mr. Nash?|Thank you.

I'm sure it'd look better on him.

Milkman! Good morning.

Of course I'm glad I'm going to live.

But it's just one lousy way|of finding out.

You doctors should have a way|to tell a patient nothing's wrong

so he's sure there's nothing wrong!|Does Judy know?

What?

She thinks I'm covering up an affair.

No, I don't want any fish!

I took off so much, I'd better|put some back in. - Forget it.

What's the matter, George?|- I'm going to live.

That's the way to talk.|That's the old fighting...

You don't understand. Dr. Morrissey|just told me I'm perfectly alright.

There's not a thing wrong with me.

You mean, you're not dying?|- That's right. - That's wonderful.

Oh, thank heavens, George.

Was it a mistake in the X-rays?|They discover a new drug?

It was all a misunderstanding.|It was all my fault.

But you told me the old ticker...|- I know, but I was wrong.

And I'm sorry.

You should be! Damn it!

I've been drinking for 3 days on|account of you, I'm just recovering.

On top of that I spent 2 days|and 2 nights writing your eulogy.

And now you're not even dying!|- I'm sorry.

Well, I feel like an idiot!|Crying, drinking, writing and mowing.

Arnold, I said I'm sorry. - It's a|horrible thing to do to a friend!

News flash:
|She's packing to leave for Reno.

Listen, he's got to go some time.

"Your loving husband,|the late George Kimball."

When was that dashed off? Right after|you concocted that wild dying bit?

No, Judy, I...|- An affair is bad enough,

but to cover it up with this lie!|To think he almost made a fool of me.

I was taking him to the Mayo Clinic.|- You were a real brick, Judy.

I'll tell my wife when she's a brick.|- Bert, what did he hope to gain?

He knew he'd be found out eventually.|Couldn't he see I'd get suspicious?

Judy, I told you, I took a pill...|- How could he get out of this?

Sooner or later he'd give you|the old story of a mistake in X-rays

or the discovery of a new drug.|- And I would've believed it too.

But one thing went wrong,|didn't it George?

The Doctor went fishing and couldn't|back up your "old ticker" story.

And by accident, you saw|Dr. Morrissey first. - Exactly!

Do you mind if I put some clothes on?

Why can't you wear shoes,|like everybody else?

Well, she's really leaving me.|- Tonight the window stays open.

Arnold, you're a lawyer.|You've seen these things.

How can a man convince his wife|that he's not having an affair?

He can't. - But I'm not having one.|- Doesn't make any difference.

Isn't a man innocent until proven|guilty? - Look, boy, it's your wife.

You mean there's nothing I can do?|- There is one thing. - What?

Confess. And ask her to forgive you.

For what? - For the affair.|- When I'm not having one? - Right.

Guys lie out of affairs, but|I'd be the first guy to lie into one.

Face the facts. You know you're not|having an affair, she's sure you are.

Why be stubborn? Admit it.|- Well, I don't know...

Judy loves you. But she's a woman.|What woman doesn't want to see

her husband crawl?|- Do you really think it would work?

Yes! Women spend their lives trying|to get something on their husbands!

Alright, Arnold, I'll take the advice.|I'll confess that I've had an affair,

beg her forgiveness,|and that'll be that. - It's not easy.

What more does she want?

Plenty. They always want to know:|Who was she? How does she look?

How old is she? Do you love her?|Did any of Judy's friends

see you together?|- They ask all that?

Yes. And what is most important:|Was it worth it?

Was it?|- No, no matter how great it was,

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