Senior Skip Day

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2

This has got

to be a dream.

Stuff like this just does

not happen in my life.

I mean, look at her.

She is beautiful.

Adam!

And she just said my name.

My God, she's like an animal.

That's disgusting.

It's like the fourth time...

that this has happened this month!

Lucy, please get off me.

Oh, come here

you dirty whore.

Adam, get out of bed,

lazy man!

Will you just tell her

I can't come down...

I'm sick. I don't feel well.

You don't look sick.

My hands are all cold and clammy.

You totally stole that trick

from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Busted.

Come on, Adam,

this is your big day.

Senior Skip Day,

it's a rite of passage.

It's like the best thing

about being a senior!

Where are they having it?

Huh, I don't know.

You could have the

Skip Day party here,

just like your sister did.

Mom, I've apologized about

that party a million times.

I still can't figure out how

my bed ended up in the pool.

Lucky for you, Adam

doesn't even want to go.

Honey, why don't you want to go?

'Cause I'll be miserable.

You have party

in your genes.

Back in my day, which

was not that long ago,

I never missed a party.

I was known as the

disco queen. Uh-huh.

And every guy knew it.

It's not easy when your

mom is cooler than you are.

Mm-mm.

You can stop now.

And this reminds me of something.

Holy Lord!

Is this about a girl or something?

Okay. Yes, it is about

a girl. And... huh, frankly...

I just don't feel like

going to a party...

to watch her make out

with her boyfriend.

Honey, that's kinda gay.

I don't want to talk

about it anymore, okay!

On a completely different note,

doesn't this Lamar Washington

go to your school?

Yeah, why?

It says that his brother

died over the weekend.

Yeah, that kid had cancer.

The paper says that he died

in a skydiving accident.

What was he doing skydiving?

It was one of those make

a last wish kind of things.

Oh, that's so f***ed up!

Yeah. So look, this kid would

do anything to be in your shoes.

You have to seize the day.

Okay.

Seize-the-day.

[pop music]

This is my high school.

This f***ing place is filled with your

standard group of stock characters...

that inhabit every high

school in America.

Huh, this right here,

this is Scott Taylor.

He's one of those guys

that's sort of like...

"Oh, I'm M r. Cool, everybody

loves me, I'm so popular"...

but really, he's just a bit of a cock.

Give me a break.

For guys like me...

it doesn't get much

better than high school.

I mean, look at me, I'm the man.

I'd better enjoy it,

because in 10 years...

I'll probably be working at some

shitty H R dept. or something.

Actually, I picture you sweating

it at a used car dealership.

Maybe Congress.

Oh, this right here,

this is Laura.

She's Whippany Park's

prom queen.

F*** off!

Classic man hater.

But only until I find true love...

until then, I kinda

like being a big b*tch.

Yeah.

Good luck.

Oh, and... huh, this is Denise.

She's, huh... she's...

always talking

about her b*obs.

Does this top make

my tits look good?

No, no, that would be your,

huh... your tits!

They make your tits look good.

You know Pam Anderson's surgery?

The one she had in '97

with areola adjustment?

I wanna get that one.

Then I'll be beautiful, right?

Poor girl.

Adam!

You're sensitive.

Hey, and then there's, huh... Isha.

Tell them about the slaughter.

She's hot but she's crazy.

The slaughter in the Middle East?

No! The slaughter of animals!

And for what?! To feed the

public's blood thirst for red meat.

Ain't that a leather handbag?

This is designer!

Am I the only senior Whippany

Park, with a f***ing conscience?!

Oh, and huh... this is...

this is Snippy.

He, huh... he smokes

way too much pot.

Yeah... surely I do imbibe

in copious herbage...

but I don't drink alcohol,

I made straight A's...

and I show the utmost

respect for ladies. Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

And there's Carla.

[record scratches]

It makes you uncomfortable,

doesn't it?

Well, imagine how I feel.

I've been in love with

this girl since junior high.

I mean, she's just, she's perfect.

I am not perfect.

If I don't shave my

legs every single day,

I start looking like that monkey

chick from Planet of the Apes.

She's perfect in every

way, shape and form.

- Man, did you hear?

- Hear what?

The Skip Day party is supposed

to be at the principal's house?

I already know that, that's Ralph,

he planned that. He's a genius.

Ralph Lee Ohe-zang!

Party at Dickwalter's, tell

everybody. Party at Dickwalter's.

Hey man, party at Dickwalter's.

Party at Dickwalter's? There's

a party at Mr. Dickwalter's.

Really?

That's fantastic. A party

at Mr. Dickwalter's.

You know what's weird,

that I'm Mr. Dickwalter.

So maybe I should be there.

Adam, you did the right thing.

Oh my God.

Hey, Laura hey...

I wanno f*** you so...

huh... so, huh...

Oh... oh, hey sweetheart.

Hey!

Hi! Are you ready to

get the hell out of here?

Know what I'm picturing

right now?

I think I can probably guess.

You and me on

Dickwalter's bed.

- Really.

- Oh...

Mr. Dickwalter. Oh my God,

these sheets are so soft.

- Scott.

- Oh...

Oh, yeah, this blanket,

it is so smooth and huh...

Maybe you should

just bang Dickwalter.

Girl! It reminded me

of my wedding night.

I felt like a virgin all over again.

Yes you did. You

thought you could...

mess with me, didn't you?

[gong]

You won't believe what these kids

had planned for my house, Minn.

And I never laid a hand

on him, it's not my style.

By the way, is that new?

It's very flattering.

Oh, you like... I told you he was

gonna like my new shirt.

Settle down, people.

Settle down.

I know it's all part

of Skip Day tradition.

You sign in, then you skip out,

a little "f*** you" to the system...

nothing wrong with that, that's

what makes America great.

However, for the

next 45 minutes...

Um, are you okay?

you belong

to Mr. Rigetti.

Sure.

Snippy I Would you care to take

attendance for the class today.

Huh...

we're all here, dude.

Snippy, that's the last time I

slip you any of my chronic, huh?

Don't touch me!

Rigetti's been clean

and sober for 14 years.

I have a special Senior

Skip Day announcement.

I'm here with Ralph

Lee Oheng. Ralph...

Tell them what

you told me.

Hold on.

Speak, Ralph.

One second.

Speak you son-of-a-b*tch, or

I'll crack your head like a melon.

[Speaking Korean]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I took you

too far back. Speak English.

Look, I'm sorry, alright.

I'm sorry. Blame me.

I did it, I planned

the whole thing.

- It's your fault right?

- It's my fault...

I planned the Skip Day.

You sorry for what you did?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Okay, okay.

Alright... You did good.

Well, looks like Ralph

has peed in his pants.

Don't worry, I'm not mad

at you. By the way...

I just spoke to the admissions

department at Harvard University...

where Mr. Cheng planned

to attend in the fall.

He will not be going now.

How many of the rest of

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