Senseless Page #5

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The ayes have it, Pledge Witherspoon!

Thanks, Scott.

- [Loud Slap]

- [Grunts, Chuckles] Welcome aboard.

[Woman Laughs]

Ooh, baby's got back.

Oh, my God, Tanya,

I can't believe you said that.

[Laughs]

[Janice] This place is so packed.

- I don't know why you drag me

to these parties.

- Girl, you come to meet a man.

- [Knocking]

- Anybody in this stall?

The problem, Tanya, is that the kind

of guy I wanna meet is never here.

- Oh, and what kind of guy is that?

- I don't know.

- Ooh, this seat is cold!

- Respectful, intelligent,

confident without being

full of himself.

Ooh, I tell ya. I'm full

of somethin' right about now.

[Laughs, Breaks Wind]

- [Sniffs] Damn.

- It's like everybody wants

to be the big man on campus.

- [Groaning]

- But nobody wants to be

the real man on campus.

[Tanya Groaning]

Oh.

[Groaning, Flatulence Continue]

[Choking]

Goddamn, girl, you smell like

somethin' crawled up in you and died.

- Not you.

- I'm beginning to feel

having standards is a curse.

- [Tanya Breaks Wind]

- Damn. What did you eat?

Corn?

I don't remember eatin' no corn!

Oh! Ech! Ach!

[Coughing]

- Are you okay in there?

- Girl, I feel like I just gave birth.

- [Toilet Flushing]

- Somebody smack its ass! [Laughing]

- Darryl.

- Hey.

I'm surprised to see you here.

Encore performance in the lion's den.

- I'm impressed.

- Well, thank you.

- [Clears Throat]

- Oh, Darryl, this is my friend Tanya.

- Hey.

- Hey.

[Speaks Mock Foreign Language]

Chaka Khan.

Well, Janice, I'm gonna leave

you and your friend alone

so y'all can get better acquainted.

You're not here for me, are you?

'Cause I'm not worth the humiliation

these guys are gonna...

- Is that a pledge pin?

- Yes.

- Where'd you get that?

- Girl, I earned it.

Look, when you want something, you gotta

be persistent in your passions.

Damn, you smell good as hell.

Is that a little bit of oak...

[Sniffs]

Some flowers,

a little bit of vanilla?

Wow, that's exactly right.

Anyway, I should be going.

Hey, I'll walk you home.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- [Biker] Whoa, comin' through.

- Hey, watch yourself.

So? [Laughs]

I really don't give a damn about

them fraternities, you know?

I'm just doin' it

'cause it's a means to an end.

I'm just tryin' to get this job

and help my family out.

See, I've always been

like a father...

to my little sister

and my brothers.

Well, my father's pushing me

to take pre-law classes,

but what I really love is

my 20th century poets course.

Hey, you know what.

I think my boy Tim is in your class.

White guy. Lanky.

Tall. Piercings.

- Ah, the pincushion kid.

- Yeah.

[Sniffing]

What?

Where are we going?

Darryl, what are you doing?

- [Gasps]

- Sometimes you find

the most amazing thing...

in the most unexpected places.

- [Darryl] What?

- [Janice] I'm just trying to decide...

whether I should break

my "no kissing on the first date" rule.

- Oh, so this was a date?

- No.

- Oh.

- Just planning ahead.

That's good.

Hey, don't worry.

I don't want you to think that I'm just

tryin' to get into your panties.

I mean, I'm pretty sure

they're really nice panties,

but I just wanna take it

a little slow.

How 'bout dinner at my place?

I'll call you.

- I'll answer.

- Okay.

[Exhales]

- Ooh!

- Say, Jack!

What wrong with you?

Junkie gun.

Darryl, no.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I was, uh, just in there taking

some special medicine.

- Yeah. It's all yours.

- Thanks.

- Good night.

- Good night, eh?

[Darryl]

Yo, Coach! Coach!

- Witherspoon,

what are you doin' in pads?

- I've been practicing.

- When did you learn

to skate like that?

- Uh, I watch Ice Capades videos.

But please, Coach, let me go out

there on the ice and show you

what I can do. Please?

Just give me one good reason

why I should?

Holy mother of crap.

[Kung Fu Yell] Ooh!

Ya-Ya!

Come with it.

Whoo!

- [Whistle Blows]

- [Players Shouting]

[Yelling]

[Continues Kung Fu Yell]

[Yelling Together]

[Crowd Cheering]

This is Stratford University radio

coming to you live...

from Baxter Rink,

where the Panthers are set...

to open their season

against Brownstone U.

That's right, Chet,

and the only questions this year are...

how badly will they stink,

how consistently will they stink...

and will they ever not stink?

Whoo! Whoo!

That's the new stopper,

Darryl Witherspoon, who's the first...

African American to play for Stratford.

["Fanfare"]

[Blows Whistle]

[Chet] Bender takes a face-off,

passes over to Avery.

- Avery back to Bender.

- [Grunts]

- Stay down!

- Ooh, Flushing checked by LaFlour!

- What got into him?

- Stratford recovers now.

Pass ahead to LaFlour on the floor now,

chases it down behind the net.

Ooh, Brownstone regains control as...

Oh, Chet!

They're really bringin'

on the pain tonight.

And here comes Bender.

Bender over to Avery.

Avery back to Bender.

Shot! Save!

Oh, what a stop by the newcomer, uh,

Darryl... Wither... spoon.

All right.

Bender now kicks it off.

Speeding down center ice.

Shot. And the glove save!

Hard to believe anybody could've

stopped that shot,

let alone someone on our team.

And the Panthers now charge back.

Up ahead to LaFlour.

LaFlour smoothing down center ice.

Shot! Score!

And Stratford takes the lead

for the first time in my life!

- [Whistle Blows]

- And LaFlour wins the face-off

for the Panthers.

And with just two minutes left

in the game, Stratford still has

a one-point lead.

And rookie Darryl Witherspoon is

just this close to a shutout.

Ooh, nasty check!

Brownstone regains control. Pass to

Bender, who shoots! Save, Witherspoon!

Everyone's gonna be asking

the same question, Chet.

Where'd this kid come from,

and who the hell is he?

Ten seconds now left in the game,

and here comes trouble.

Bender over to Avery. They've drawn

out Witherspoon. The net is wide open.

- Avery to Bender. Shot!

- [Yells]

- Save!

- Stratford wins!

Stratford wins!

I don't believe it!

Go, baby!

Whoo!

- [Laughs]

- I love that kid.

The Panthers are back,

and, baby, they're black!

[All Cheering]

[Tyson] What do you think

of this possible Irving Genetic

Wilcom merger, Scott?

[Scott] Well, uh, Irving stock

just hit a five-year high,

so I'd say the outlook's

pretty rosy.

Scott, you're

a very impressive young man.

Very impressive, indeed.

- Hello, Darryl.

- Hi, how you doin', Mr. Tyson?

Darryl, I'm sorry to keep you waiting,

but Mr. Tyson...

and I were just interfacing

about some things.

Oh, really.

You wouldn't happen to be interfacing...

about the Irving Genetics merger,

would you?

- Yes, we were.

- Well, I hope you mentioned

that the CEO of that company...

is known for bluffing to drive

up his stock prices right before

he sells his own shares.

- Yes, I did.

- No, you didn't.

Come on, Darryl.

Thank you, Scott.

Oopsy.

Sir, I realize

that I'm last on your list,

but I want you to know I would

do absolutely anything to get

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