Serpico Page #2

for a new apartment. Is that true?

- Yeah.

- So, where are you going?

I don't know.

I'm looking around by school.

NYU? Greenwich Village?

- Yeah, Greenwich Village.

- What's the matter?

The old neighborhood's

not good enough for ya?

Tell Pop I was here.

Frankie, Sunday?

Sunday what?

Dinner? Huh?

- Do me one favor- no Marianne.

- I know. No Marianne.

All right.

A couple of announcements.

"Announcing a course in

fingerprint identification...

to be given at John Jay College.

This course will be available

to those patrolmen...

who wish to make themselves

eligible for assignment...

to the Bureau of

Criminal Identification, BCI...

which is generally considered to be

a path to a detective's gold shield.

Signed, Captain McGuire."

On the board on my left,

you see squad one...

Hot enough for ya?

It's not the heat.

It's the humidity.

I had a feeling

you were gonna say that.

You know how long

you're taking on that one?

Check one print category, two-

That's plenty.

I'm not gonna give a guy a

"no record" when he might have one.

How long you been

with the BCI now, Serpico?

All my life.

That's long enough to know

how we do things.

Barto, it's not just that.

You don't like me.

BCI never had

a weirdo cop before.

Barto, stop buggin' me.

Mama?

Wanna buy a puppy?

Look at that, huh?

Where'd you get these dogs?

Oh, they're mine.

Want one for free?

- I'll pay for it. How much?

- Five dollars.

You got it.

Okay, now which one

of you guys wanna come with me?

What?

Come on.

- Could you do me a favor?

- What?

Just watch the car and my stuff

over here, 'cause I'm movin' in.

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

Don Quixote.

Seorita Land?

Mr. Serpico.

I got my horse here.

Maybe I could drop you someplace.

Well, I'm going to work

at the Caf Reggio.

Caf Reggio.

- That's 4th Street and-

- MacDougal and 3rd.

- Can I give you a lift?

- Yeah. Sure.

Jesus, what's that?

You got your hands on

my money belt. Don't do that.

That's not a money belt.

That's a gun.

- Well, we gotta eat, don't we?

- Oh, come on!

- What do you need a gun for?

- Ever hear of Barnum and Bailey?

- Yeah.

- Well, I'm their lion tamer.

- Come on.

- That's the truth.

- I think you're full of sh*t.

- You do, huh?

- What do you do?

- Me?

I'm an actress, a singer,

a dancer and a Buddhist.

In that order?

- I'm a cop. Would you believe that?

- No, I wouldn't believe it.

Those leaps that guy made,

what do you call 'em again?

Jets.

You try it.

All right. How do you start it?

What's your position?

Next life. Come on.

What are you reading now,

Serpico?

My Life by Isadora Duncan.

She was a ballet dancer.

A belly dancer?

No. No, a ballet dancer.

Ballet.

- You know ballet?

- A little.

- A little bit? You ever see one?

- Not close.

I've been to the ballet.

It's terrific.

- I've been taking classes.

- Oh, yeah?

That's where I go

after I leave here.

Fantastic for your body.

Really builds you up.

- I can tell.

- You noticed, huh?

I noticed.

There's five positions.

Five pos-

You're being shortchanged.

- Oh, no. It's enough. Believe me.

- For what?

Watch. See?

This is the first position.

From this position,

I can do anything.

- You want to see?

- Sure.

Here we go.

Bye, Barto!

- Lieutenant Steiger-

- No, no. Later.

- Hey, turn off the lights.

- Potts, I wanted to read.

Positions, positions!

Positions like that you don't see

in a pretzel factory.

Now I gotta do my pee-pee

in the dark.

She's gotta be a nympho

with positions like that.

Hey, Serpico, how can you piss

at a time like this?

Barto wants a specimen.

I'm gonna look into this matter.

- What do you got there?

- Here.

Straight ahead.

- Straight ahead where?

- Third window down.

- I don't see anything over there.

- Let me see.

She just pulled down the shade.

- You gotta be some kind of jinx.

- That's right. Blame me.

Hold it, Serpico.

What were you two doing?

- What?

- In the shithouse in the dark!

Were you goin' down on him?

- What are you talking about?

- You gonna tell me you were peeping?

You were sucking his cock,

weren't you?

- What are you, crazy?

- I'll show you f***in' crazy!

Last week I found a pair of shorts

with semen on 'em!

There!

You actually accusing me of this?

Good morning, Captain McCIain.

I'm Officer Serpico.

I was told I could

talk to you, sir.

Certainly, son.

Come in.

Lieutenant Steiger

won't make a report.

He's too concerned with

the image of his department.

But it- it could affect

your future in the BCI.

Sir, I tell you...

Frankly,

I don't see any future there.

It was bullshit about it being

a path toward being detective...

because I've been there

two years now...

And you want a transfer.

Yes, sir, but I don't wanna

go back to uniform.

I'll see what I can do, Frank.

Francis, do you know about my

weekend retreats for Catholic officers?

Well, you read that.

It might be of interest to you.

You are Catholic?

- Yeah. I was baptized, yes.

- Good, good.

Alfie, come on.

I missed you, baby.

She's so crazy, that girl,

I tell you.

Why Paco?

All my friends call me Paco.

Could you do me a favor?

- Get my keys out of this pocket.

- Sure.

Well, what'll I call you...

Frank or Paco?

Sally! Larry!

This is Paco.

- Hey, man.

- Larry's a poet.

But he works for

an advertising agency.

Sally's an actress,

but works for a photographer.

Paco's a policeman.

That's terrific.

I work for the police department.

- That's really nice.

- Wow.

See ya.

- How are you?

- Pat's a novelist.

But you're working for an insurance

company now, aren't you?

- Yes, I am.

- Yeah. Paco's a policeman.

Really? How exciting!

Well, not too.

Right now, I'm filing fingerprints.

Listen,

I file insurance policies.

We should get together then,

file or something.

- That was an improvement.

- I wanna ask you something.

How come all your friends are

on their way to being somebody else?

Think about that. I wanna

ask you something else too.

Will you do me a big favor?

Don't tell anybody I'm a cop.

You know, let me just sort of

do it myself.

Okay.

Hey, man,

are you really a cop?

- Right. I am.

- Wow.

You know,

Leslie is a mind f***er.

You gotta be kidding.

I didn't know that.

What's a mind f***er?

Well, that's a chick...

who digs intellectual types

and super-bright guys.

Oh, yeah?

Well, she's very perceptive.

You know, Japanese culture

and theater and painting...

it's too rigidly stylized.

Well, yeah, you know-

Yeah, but...

I think after a while,

when you get through that...

you start to appreciate the

clarity- you know, the authority.

I got a sheep dog.

There have been

sheep dogs in my family...

dating back...

for 16 generations...

- Dating back to the Borgias.

- Oh, sh*t!

The family crest...

is a sheep dog

pissing into a gondola.

Oh, sh*t!

Paco, everybody loves you!

I love you!

Hey, Lieutenant,

my wife call for me?

Give her this, will ya?

Officer Serpico reporting, sir.

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