Setup Page #2

JENNA:

Where are we going? Hospital?

Planned Parenthood? I have snacks

in the back if you need them.

TESS:

Oh, no I’m fine. I just wanted to

hang out and my car’s busted.

A blink of disbelief from Jenna.

JENNA:

Your text said that you could feel

the life draining from your soul.

TESS:

That was a metaphor. True, though.

JENNA:

Seriously? I should drive this car

straight to the mental hospital.

TESS:

Sorry for wanting to hang with my

best friend, I hardly think that

qualifies for a Cuckoo’s Nesting.

JENNA:

God dammit, I don’t mean literally!

I was in the middle of furniture

shopping with Todd. I abandoned him

at the store like a drunk mother.

Did you even think about that?

TESS:

I don’t want to think about Todd

picking out furniture. He wears Ed

Hardy shirts.

JENNA:

That was one time.

TESS:

One time too many.

8.

The car slows as Jenna pulls over. Amused but exhausted.

TESS (CONT’D)

Why are we pulling over?

JENNA:

Would you rather barrel roll out?

TESS:

You’re booting me?

JENNA:

It’s not a big deal. I just need to

make sure Todd isn’t out there

putting my face on a milk carton.

Tess sighs and exits the car, still holding the door open.

TESS:

What am I supposed to do, walk home

alone down the dark, scary streets?

JENNA:

It’s noon.

TESS:

Rapists don’t have business hours.

JENNA:

I’ll come by the bar later.

The car rumbles as Jenna keys the ignition.

TESS:

Fine. But you’re violating federal

law here. No Child Left Behind.

JENNA:

You’re not my child.

TESS:

I’m someone’s child. So.

She slams the car door shut --

QUICK, ACTION-PACKED SERIES OF SHOTS:

TWO EMPTY PINT GLASSES SLAM DOWN ONTO A BAR --

SHOT GLASSES TOUCH TO LIPS, THROWN BACK --

A TAP HANDLE PULLS FRESH BEER INTO A GLASS --

9.

INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT

Jenna and Gwen sit on stools. Tess is behind the bar,

thoroughly ignoring customers to hang out with her friends.

TESS:

Jenna. Truth or dare.

GWEN:

Ooh, dare. Always dare.

JENNA:

I don’t like this game.

TESS:

Because you’re a dirty liar?

JENNA:

Why am I a liar?

TESS:

Only a f***ing liar would allow

Todd to buy a snake skin sofa.

Gwen cackles a laugh.

JENNA:

I can’t just tell him “no,” it

would hurt his feelings.

TESS:

So! What’re you afraid of?

JENNA:

South American insects. Long

fingernails. Dying alone.

GWEN:

I’m afraid of velvet.

On the drunk scale, Gwen’s at “struggling to open peanuts.”

TESS:

I’m this close to cutting you off.

GWEN:

I’m not even that drunk.

TESS:

No, Gwen. From communication.

Gwen shrugs and slugs from her beer.

10.

TESS (CONT’D)

One more question. Was it warm

inside of the costume? When you

played the Cowardly Lion?

Gwen raises a hand for a high-five. Tess ignores her.

JENNA:

Obviously that makes you two

Scarecrow and Tin Man, yes?

TESS:

Hell yeah, I’m f***ing metal.

JENNA:

How about another beer then, you

heartless a**hole?

TESS:

Are you sure? I bet I could find

some warm milk instead.

Jenna makes a “shoo” motion with her hand. Tess crosses off.

BEHIND THE BAR:

Tess pulls a tap, but it’s dry. She turns and heads to the:

BACK ROOM:

Tess finds a BAR EMPLOYEE, KYLE, and approaches.

TESS (CONT’D)

Kyle, the keg on three kicked.

KYLE:

Why can’t you change it?

TESS:

Oh, because I don’t want to.

Kyle rolls his eyes and leaves to find a keg.

Bored, Tess opens the DATING APP on her phone yet again.

Swipe. Douchebag. Swipe. Dick pic. Swipe. Definitely not.

She swipes once more and a NOTIFICATION pops up:

INSERT NOTIFICATION: A frowny face with the text: “You have

run out of options. Please try again later.”

She fiddles with a few buttons, confused, until the

realization hits: “YOU HAVE RUN OUT OF OPTIONS.”

11.

TESS (CONT’D)

What the dick?

BACK AT THE BAR:

TODD, 30, Jenna’s boyfriend, has now joined the group. He’s

nonthreatening, though Tess treats him as the opposite.

TODD:

Isn’t it dope? It’s hand-crafted

from old Norwegian windmill blades.

Gwen squints at a PHOTO of a tacky table on Todd’s phone.

GWEN:

Is it like a Magic Eye?

Tess approaches, hurrying a few drinks to her friends.

TESS:

Jenna, I have to pee. Let’s go.

JENNA:

Todd’s here.

TESS:

I said hello. Did I not say hello?

TODD:

Hi, Tess. Cry wolf lately?

TESS:

Jenna hates your furniture.

JENNA:

Jesus! Fine, I’ll go to the f***ing

bathroom with you.

Tess hooks Jenna’s arm, leading her away.

GWEN:

I have to go, too.

TESS:

No you don’t.

The two girls scurry off, leaving Gwen alone with Todd.

INT. DIVE BAR - WOMEN’S RESTROOM - LATER

Jenna pees in a stall, Tess sits on the floor outside it. Two

girls having a drunken heart to heart. Emphasis on drunken.

12.

TESS:

What if I’ve been waiting too long?

JENNA:

In the bathroom? Nobody’s noticed.

Jenna flushes and exits the stall, washing her hands.

TESS:

No, to find someone or settle down

or whatever. I mean I don’t know if

I want that right now, but what if

the world won’t wait for me?

JENNA:

I mean, it won’t. The world does

whatever the f*** it wants. If the

world was waiting for people, we

wouldn’t have hurricanes and sh*t.

Tess lets out an annoyed grunt as Jenna sits on the counter.

TESS:

I might as well buy a cat. Just

hand me all the cats now, let’s get

my future over with.

JENNA:

Dude, you couldn’t even handle a

cat, let alone all the cats. Maybe

you could become a fish lady or a

gerbil lady.

TESS:

I hate gerbils.

JENNA:

Nobody likes gerbils. That’s why we

give them to hyper kids as pets.

A FEMALE PATRON washes her hands. Jenna hands her a towel.

JENNA (CONT’D)

I thought you didn’t want a real

relationship?

TESS:

I don’t. Or... I don’t know. I

thought I’d have more time. Now all

that’s left to do is choke on a

Lean Cuisine in our apartment.

(correcting herself)

My apartment.

13.

Jenna picks up on the subtle disappointment, perhaps the real

reason behind this meltdown... but doesn’t bite.

TESS (CONT’D)

Or worse, die with Gwen.

Jenna hops off the counter, quickly spreads some paper towels

out onto the dirty floor, and sits on them next to Tess.

JENNA:

Look at me. I know you’re panicking

about dying alone like that isn’t

gonna happen to us all anyway. We

don’t even get to chill in a room

with our pets and sh*t anymore like

the Egyptians. Literally everyone

just lies in a metal box alone

until our eyeballs explode.

TESS:

Do you think you’re helping?

JENNA:

But you’re not dead yet.

Relationships are crazy, I know.

F*** it up and you could end up

with some psycho drug dealer. But

you need to realize that the

terrible, insane roller coaster of

pain and trouble you go through

when you put yourself out there can

be worth it for the right person.

A beat for that to soak in. Maybe two.

TESS:

When did you get so insightful?

JENNA:

Somewhere around beer four?

Jenna hands a NEW PATRON paper towels and receives a TIP.

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