Seven Psychopaths Page #3

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- He ain't here!

-Where is he, old man?

Little shih tzu, name of Bonny.

Shih tzu? We ain't never had

a shih tzu in here.

You don't listen too good the first time,

do you, old man?

Tell me where Bonny is,

or else this guy gets it!

I don't even know this guy.

What the hell do I care?

I know where the shih tzu is.

I know where the shih tzu is.

Where is he?

Kid, I don't know who you are

or why you're here,

and I don't know if you do know

where this shih tzu is

or if you don't know where this shih tzu is,

but either way have some pride in yourself.

Have some faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord,

and don't tell

these scum-sucking motherfuckers nothing.

Don't! Don't, I'll tell you! I'll tell you!

Billy! Billy! Billy.

- Holy f***! What the hell happened?

-Some punks jumped us.

Said they were looking for a little shih tzu.

Then some other punk killed those punks.

I've only been gone 10 f***ing minutes.

Marty, are you okay?

- You looked f***ed.

-I just didn't need this today.

He's okay. It's their blood. It's his puke.

You wanna go to the bathroom,

clean some of the blood

and the puke off you?

Marty's my writer friend

I was telling you about.

I could smell the booze.

Where did you get this little shih tzu, Billy?

I got her off some fat black chick

down at The Elephants.

You think she's the one that they're after?

I think there's a strong possibility, Billy.

So are we gonna give him his dog back?

That jerk's forfeited all right

to having a nice dog like this.

Miss?

Well, what are we gonna do?

I think we should try and find

this Jack O' Diamonds guy

and get him to join forces with us.

And then we could take on all the bad guys,

like maybe in the desert.

And what do you think

we should do in real life?

Well, we could sober up, Marty.

How's that grab you?

- I think we should go to the cops.

-F*** the cops! F*** them!

- F*** them.

-All right. Jesus Christ.

There are some nice cops, aren't there?

He's from Ireland.

I'm gonna head to the hospital.

I said I'd be with Myra

when her results come in.

No f***ing cops.

No cops.

- Who's Myra?

-His wife.

She's just had surgery for cancer.

And you think you've got problems.

He ain't here, and now we don't know

where this guy is

or what the hell he looks like.

Yeah, can we get Dennis

to a hospital now, Charlie?

Yeah, let's get him to a hospital.

And let's get on to the ASPCA

and have 'em take care

of these poor bastards.

Maybe we should go

to the hospital with him, Charlie.

You know I don't like hospitals.

Yeah, but it's where the guy's wife is.

You know, Marty,

the way you're feeling today,

all depressed and alcoholic and sh*t?

You know what you should do?

Put it into your writing, man.

Use it. Mad idea?

Thanks, Billy, that's what I'll do.

I'll put the way

I'm feeling today into my writing.

And then I'll go blow my f***ing brains out.

Come on, man.

You know your writing helps alleviate

your suicidal self-loathing and sh*t.

I don't have suicidal self-loathing and sh*t.

Yeah, right. Hey, who's this chump?

Hey, are you waiting for somebody, old guy?

Are you Billy Bickle?

No.

Well, my name is Zachariah Rigby.

I left a message on Billy's telephone

in answer to the advertisement.

For f***'s sake!

Well, I tell you, Zachariah.

If you sounded like a nut,

I probably just deleted you.

I don't think I sounded like a nut.

Were you screaming about eating

my heart off a tray and then shitting on it?

No. No, I wouldn't do that.

Okay, you seem normal. Come on in.

We gotta get this dog off the street

because it's kidnapped from a maniac.

Dandy.

Testing, one-two. Testing. Okay.

Zach, unfortunately

I gotta go play tennis with my girlfriend now,

but it's Marty

who'll be doing the writing anyway.

You ain't leaving me with this nut, Billy.

And you ain't got a girlfriend.

He ain't got a girlfriend.

Tennis?

But it's voice-activated,

so just start telling your kooky stuff, Zach,

and see you guys soon, okay?

- Zach?

-Yeah.

All right, listen. Why don't you just tell me

whatever you wanna tell me,

and I'll go make us a coffee. How about that?

Tea.

Tea.

Tea? Why not?

Well, I guess

it all began back when I was 17.

'Up-

The distant mists of time.

I was a little wet behind the ears back then.

I don't mind admitting it.

I was burglarizing the house

of this judge down in Delacroix.

Let me tell you something,

don't never burglarize

the house of no judge down in Delacroix.

Because when I went down

into his basement,

you know what I found down there?

I found the corpses of

two negro girls down there.

And then I found

a half-alive 'nother negro girl

chained right along with them.

Well,

the girl's name was Maggie.

She told me all about the judge

and she told me what a terrible man he was,

and I think I fell in love with Maggie

right then and there.

And I think she did a little with me, too.

Then the judge came home.

Yeah, and he was awful angry.

We just didn't know what to do.

And what did you do?

Well, we hung him from his neck

until he was dead,

and that's when Maggie and me

got this idea, see?

What idea?

Well, the idea that we'd go

around the country killing people

who go around the country killing people.

Like serial killer killing.

I guess that's what you'd call it nowadays.

Get in the house.

Get in the house!

Maggie!

1975 it was, she burned that hippie.

I've been looking for her ever since.

There is something

I'd like you to do for me, Martin.

When you use my story in your movie,

I'd like you to put

a little message up there at the end.

I want you to tell her that I miss her.

And I love her.

And I should have helped her kill that hippie.

And I'm sorry.

And to call.

You think you could do that for me, Martin?

I'd be glad to, Zach.

Promise?

I promise on my life.

That's a big promise.

- Can I help you?

-Yeah.

I'm looking for a Polish lady.

A Mrs. Kieslowski.

She's having an operation.

How long's that gonna take?

I don't know.

What do you want Mrs. Kieslowski for?

Her husband's got something belongs to me.

You gonna shoot her?

No. No, "shoot her"?

No, no, I'm just gonna

scare her so she tells me

where her husband's at

and where my dog's at.

And what if she don't know?

Well, then I'm gonna get mad.

Can I go use the bathroom?

I think you'd better wait

around here for a while.

Maybe do it in a pan or something.

I can wait.

I don't use no pans.

Suit yourself.

What's your dog's name?

Bonny.

That's a nice name.

I'm sure Mr. Kieslowski

will take good care of your dog

and get it back to you safe.

He always seems like a sweet man

when he comes in.

He come visit her a lot?

Every day-

What kind of times every day?

Different times, you know.

And not every day.

He misses a day now and then.

Oh. yeah?

He been in today?

Yeah.

He came in earlier this morning,

about 10:
00 or so.

So the Polack married a n*gger, huh?

Yeah.

The Polack married a n*gger.

Where is he now?

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