Severance Page #2

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There's someone in the woods.

Yeah, you already said that.

Come on. Come on.

- This isn't the right place.

- This is the right place.

This obviously

is not the right place.

It is the right place. Billy?

Well, there's only one lodge

on the map,

- so I suppose...

- Thank you.

This is... just the lobby.

This place is fantastic.

Steve.

It's just a rope. It's just a rope.

"Dear team, as a big thank you

for the last few weeks on the road,

George and I cordially invite you

to join us on a team-building weekend

in Palisade's

newly acquired luxury lodge."

Luxury lodge.

OK, OK, OK, now listen up, everyone.

This is not a holiday.

This is a business.

And team-building weekends, like it

or not, are part of that business.

Hear hear!

This is our chance

to find out about ourselves.

I mean, you know,

sure, we'll have fun,

doing, er, paintball, orienteering...

- Bridge building.

- Bridge building.

We need to take ownership

of the weekend.

And that means working together.

- Richard, I have an idea.

- Shh, shh.

I can't spell success... without U.

And U...

And U... U...

And... U.

Success has only one U.

Oh, well.

Daddy couldn't put us all

through Cambridge, could he, Harris?

Now, George wants us to be

the best team possible.

And if that means digging in

a little, then I'm sorry.

Think this place is a dump?

Think about this.

Maybe it's supposed to be.

I've had tougher challenges.

Now let's make this our challenge.

Explain to me

how staying in this shithole

is gonna help me sell mines.

Alright?

- Don't be so happy all the time.

- Only trying to be positive.

You're not. You're like a dog

tied to a radiator wagging its tail.

That's not a compliment.

Look for the generator in there,

will you?

Have you got any light bulbs

in your bag, Gordon?

Erm, yeah. Give me two secs.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, no.

- I think you should get some sleep.

- I think you're right.

Maggie?

I've been waiting for you, Richard.

I want you to f*** me.

Really?

I mean, I'd like to.

F*** me now and f*** me hard.

OK.

But, erm... what's going on?

Maggie?

Great management skills, Dick.

World class.

I can't believe it.

I had no idea Palisade were

this involved in Eastern Europe.

You're joking, right?

- Where did you get this stuff?

- Found it next to the generator.

There's stacks of it out there.

It's all Soviet.

That doesn't mean

it's one of the asylums.

- It doesn't rule it out either.

- What asylums?

Right, grub's up.

Put those cards away, please, Jill.

Feast your eyes... on this.

Mind yourselves, it is hot.

It actually smells quite nice.

- Not eating?

- No, thanks. Not hungry.

The rest of you,

get stuck in. There's plenty.

Do you want to get some spoons out,

please, Jill?

- Alright? Feeling OK?

- Yeah, alright, piss off.

- Are you still tripping?

- No. Why are you naked?

- Harris, what about the asylums?

- What asylums?

Harris seems to think we're in

an old lunatic asylum.

- Are we?

- No.

Tell us about the asylums.

Are you sure you want me to tell you?

It's pretty scary.

- I'll take my chances.

- OK. OK.

This story takes place a long time

ago, way before the First World War.

Oh, please.

When movies were silent

and women were even quieter.

The government was getting

complaints about the asylum,

so they sent an inspector

to check it out.

He arrives late one night

to see what's going on.

Everything seems fine, and the

warders agree to show him around.

But everything isn't fine.

Everything's not fine at all.

All the inmates are going crazy,

screaming at him to let them out.

Then he realises what's wrong.

The inmates had taken over

and locked up all the doctors.

And then they turned on him.

He tried to reason with them,

but there's no reasoning

with the mentally insane.

Guess who they called

to sort out the mess? Us.

Palisade sent the boys in.

Sprayed the place with nerve agent.

Killed everyone. It was a massacre.

But rumour has it...

that one inmate survived,

hell-bent on killing any Palisade

employee that should cross his path.

They say he's still on the loose.

- Is that supposed to be scary?

- Well, it was at the time.

Believe it or not, there is

a tiny bit of truth in his story.

- Damn right!

- A tiny bit.

It occurred in the early '90s

when the Soviet Union broke up.

Places like this were

detention centres for war criminals.

Soldiers who liked the killing

a little bit too much.

They were lunatics who wiped out

whole villages. Burnt people alive.

Put heads on spikes. They were

savages. Well-trained savages.

Their government locked them away,

tried to cure them,

but it was no good.

Some escaped. Hid in some empty

buildings nearby, but not for long.

Obviously it wasn't Palisade who

killed them, it was their government.

But it was us

who supplied the weapons.

Oh, and, Harris,

if anyone did survive,

revenge would be the last thing

on their minds.

- What would be on their minds?

- Survival. Evading capture.

These guys were war criminals,

remember.

Excuse me for being the only sensible

one here, but this place is a lodge.

It's not a mental home,

it's not a prison, it's a lodge.

- It was a sex lodge.

- Right.

- It was. I'm telling you.

Back in the '60s, these places

were hospitals for rich old men.

All the nurses were these naughty-

looking birds with big shooters.

Anyway, being stuck all the way out

here, they used to get really lonely,

so they tried it on

with the old boys.

These poor old f***ers

was on death's door.

They couldn't get it up.

So they decided to just get hold

of each other.

One day this fella turns up

out of the blue.

Young geezer.

Bit of bollocks about him.

They chased him.

They caught him and, er,

well, he was f***ed.

Have you ever taken

anything seriously in your life?

- Ecstasy and weed, I think.

- Hey, gang. How are we doing?

- Brilliant.

Sweet dreams?

Er... yeah.

Harris.

Hi, Maggie. Not eating?

Why are you all so obsessed with

what I eat? I am not too skinny.

No, no, no, no. I don't mean...

Just that you'll need your energy

for the team games.

I mean, you're perfect

just the way you are.

And when I say perfect, I obviously

don't mean that in a sexual way.

I mean perfect in a neutral way.

As if I were another woman saying

that you were perfect, you know?

Just one woman to another.

Not that I'm implying

anything like that.

Or that there's anything wrong

with that... sort of thing.

Or... anything.

Keep digging,

we can still see you.

What the?

A bit young to be losing

your teeth, aren't you?

It's not mine.

- It's not my tooth.

- Maybe it's just a clove.

Does it look like a f***ing clove?

I'm gonna puke.

- Could it be the cow's tooth?

- A cow with gold fillings?

Who made the pie?

I didn't make it, I found it.

- You what?

- I found it.

You found a pie?

- It was wrapped in foil.

- Oh, well, that's a relief. Jesus!

You dirty bastard.

- OK, everyone, calm down.

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