Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll Page #2

-None taken,

you fat-ankled f***er.

Fat ankles?

I might be a f***ing cripple, mate,

but I'm dangerous, all right?

You wanna sort out your inner calm.

Nice one, Davey, go on.

Go on, my son, get in there!

Russell. Russ,

we need to talk about this.

There you are. There's your millions.

Joke money, joke life.

It's over, mate. We're going nowhere.

Russ, why you got to say

things like that?

I quit.

Nobody quits.

Quitting is not in the vocabulary.

Yeah? What about "F*** you, Ian"?

Is that in the vocabulary?

-What did you say?

-Nothing.

Go on, then. Go on.

I don't f***ing need you.

What do you mean?

I write the music, I drive the van.

I carry you up the stairs

when you're pissed.

I make the f***ing sandwiches.

Can you drive?

Yeah, see, she can drive.

And I bet she can make f***ing

sandwiches and all.

Russell, come on. Look, we're talking,

mate. We're trying to talk!

Russell!

Right, you're f***ing fired.

You are, you're fired.

You didn't quit, you were fired!

-Yes? Do I know you?

-No.

Well, do us a favour

and f*** off, will you?

Hey, Ian, you know that geezer's

a keys player.

-That's not very polite, is it?

It's like being back at school.

-Are you a groupie?

-No, musician.

-What do you play?

-Oi.

Sorry about that. Where you

think you're going, you little monkey?

That was out of order back there.

It's the drink, you know, so. ..

It's like bad breath for the mind.

Someone said that you play keyboards.

Yeah. I play a little piano and guitar.

Oh, wow. Well, we don't have

any little ones, only the big sort.

-What's your name?

-Chaz.

-Chaz.

-Chaz Jankel.

Chaz Jankel? Very avant-garde.

Tell you what. Why don't you

come over tomorrow, hey?

After all, you know what they say.

"The more interesting a man,

the greyer his trousers."

But they also say, "You're never alone

with schizophrenia."

So what the f*** do they know?

But it's true,

we are alI on our own, aren't we?

Oh, no, you're not!

- Oh, yes, l am!

- Oh, no, you're not!

The young prince was.

He was gonna die.

Death was his bedfellow.

Some whispered,

"Oh, it might be better after all.

"l mean, what sort of quality of life?"

A cripple? A raspberry ripple?

But in the morning, he was still there!

You see, it's not the size

of the dog in the fight,

but the size of the fight in the dog!

Magnificent!

TroubIe is, there's no cure for it.

Just like love.

There's no cure for that, neither.

Oi! Oi! Daddy's home!

Your dad's here.

And now, then, let's see

what the old clot has got.

For you, Jemima darling.. .

Boing!

And for you, my son. .. For your

birthday. Better late than never.

So powerful no man could stop him.

Rubbish.

Don't make me angry.

You won't like it when I'm angry!

Dr Banner, you're changing!

But with pain comes power!

Hulk is strong!

. ..he doesn't need you turning

up out of the blue bringing gifts.

He needs a father!

He's got a father. I'm his father.

He needs a father who's around!

I'm around!

I mean, well, I come around.

I was here when he was born, wasn't I?

Just downstairs, I mean,

not a lot of fathers can say that!

Found a couple that survived.

There's only two left.

He's been missing school.

And stealing.

Well, that's all right.

All boys do that.

It's a boy thing, isn't it?

A packet of fags, dirty magazine.

In fact, it's good.

A sign of intelligence.

Shows a sensitivity about the world.

-And he's being bullied.

-By who?

I told him not to retaliate.

You don't wanna do that. He wants to

give 'em a bloody good smacking.

Yeah, well, that's why he needs to

come and stay with you for a while.

No, no, no.

He needs you at the moment.

Look, I'm on the verge of something,

things are happening.

I've been offered some work

at the Academy.

Good.

One of us needs to earn and I can't do

it stuck out here in the country.

I've always encouraged you, Ian.

Now it's your turn.

-Is Dad gone?

-Left about an hour ago.

Looks all right.

Blimey! How many more steps?

I'm not Sherpa bloody Tenzing.

It's Oval Mansions.

We get to live in a mansion together.

Catshit Mansions more like.

All right.

What colour for the walls?

Would you say white?

Nah, that's too institutional.

-Blue, then?

-No, too constitutional.

It should be. ..claret. Yeah.

Yeah, the colour of blood. Passion.

And a sort of booze.

-You up for it?

-Mmm-hmm.

I. ..

I can do anything. If you teach me.

What's wrong?

We're going to have to switch places

'cause I'm struggling to undo your

buttons here with my dodgy left hand.

Or you can do it, I don't mind.

# l come awake

# With a gift for womankind

# You're still asleep

# But the gift don't seem to mind

# Rise on this occasion

Not too bad.

Have you done this before?

# Halfway up your back

# Sliding down your body

# Touching your behind

# You look so self-possessed

Aw!

# l won't disturb your rest

# lt's lovely when you're sleeping

# But wide awake is best

# Wake up and make love with me

# Wake up and make love

# Wake up and make love with me

# l don't want to make you

# l'll let the fancy take you

# And you'll wake up and make love

# You come awake

# ln a horny morning mood

# And have a proper wriggle

# ln the naughty naked nude

# Roll against my body

# Get me where you want me

# What happens next is private

What are you doing?

This is Denise.

-Hello, Denise.

-That's Baxter.

Hello, Baxter.

Your door's unlocked.

Mum's putting the kettle on.

Nice.

Go on then, off you pop.

Thanks so much for this. So kind.

-Takes quite a lot to make a home.

-Yeah.

"Home is the place, no matter what

you've done, they have to let you in."

That's what Ian says.

-So you're a bass player?

-Bass player,

sandwich-maker, personal manager.

Sole driver of a van full of nutters.

We're looking forward

to having Baxter stay.

Any time you need help we're here.

Yeah, um.. .

He's a little fussy,

he doesn't like tomatoes,

-fruit of any kind, potatoes. ..

-Like father like son, eh?

-How old are you, Denise?

-I'm almost 20.

Oh!

-I'm sorry about that.

-It was always heavy for me, too.

Is that Elvis Presley?

Don't they teach you any

classical history at school these days?

That's Gene Vincent.

Scramble-egged his leg

in a bike accident.

Him and Eddie Cochran

were the brightest stars

in the firmament

when they climbed into a cab

outside the Savoy, April 1 6th, 1 960.

Two hours later,

they hit a hairpin bend.

Crash!

Eddie Cochran is lying

dying in his own blood.

And who hands Sweet Gene

his guitar that night outside the hotel?

A 1 4-year-old Marc Bolan,

who marries Pink Floyd's

management secretary,

who signs me to Stiff Records.

Shake my hand.

You're only five steps away

from greatness.

-Stiff?

-Stiff, yeah.

Their motto is "If it ain't Stiff,

it ain't worth a f***!"

How's school?

Headmistress is a bit of

a stuck-up old cow.

Oi, language, bit of respect.

Education's important.

Delacroix, French, Frenchman he was,

painter, he said,

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