Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll Page #5

There's someone else who needs me.

Hello. Welcome home.

-I missed you.

-Oh, I missed you, too.

You have painted.

Mmm-hmm. Freshen it up.

I thought it was looking a bit jaded.

-You don't like it, do you?

-I didn't say that.

But you don't.

It's all very. ..

white.

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

We got some great tunes.

Now all we need is a band

with a drummer I can't sack. Hit me!

-One, two!

-Three, four!

# You must have seen

parties of Blockheads

# With blotched and lagered skin

# Blockheads with food particles

in their teeth

# What a horrible state they're in

# They've got womanly breasts

under pale mauve vests

# Shoes like dead pigs' noses

# Cornflake packet jacket

Catalogue trousers

# A mouth what never closes

# You must have seen Blockheads

in raucous teams

# Dressed up after work

# Who screw their poor old Eileens

# Get sloshed and go berserk

# Rotary accessory watches

# Hire-purchase signet rings

# A beauty to the bully boys

# No lonely vestige clings

-# Blockheads, Blockheads

-Oi, oi!

# Blockheads, Blockheads

# Blockhead, Blockhead, Blockhead,

Blockhead, Blockhead! #

lan! Ian! lan!

Oh, this is it. Just on the right.

Pull in here.

Oh, my life!

God, it hasn't changed one little iota.

Right, then, Chris. Let's get this done

-before we attract too much attention.

-Okay, Ian.

-Nice.

-Oi! What are you doing?

-I'm bored.

-Only boring people get bored.

Go on, off you go.

Baxter, I'm not gonna tell you again.

Couple of more poses.

Come on, Baxter, I'm working.

Hold it. Hold it there.

Got it.

Go on, off you go, son.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome the jewel

in the English crown,

Mr lan Dury!

One, two, three, four!

# Sex & drugs & rock & roll

# Are all my brain and body need

# Sex & drugs & rock & roll

# ls very good indeed

# Every bit of clothing

ought to make you pretty

# You can cut the clothing

Grey is such a pity

# l should wear the clothing

of Mr Walter Mitty

# See my tailor, he's called Simon

l know it's going to fit

# Here's a little bit of advice

# You're quite welcome, it is free

# Don't do nothing that is cut price

# You know what it'll make you be

# They will try their tricky device

# Trap you with the ordinary

# Get your teeth into a small slice

# The cake of liberty!

# Sex & drugs & rock & roll

# Sex & drugs & rock & roll

# Sex, drugs, rock & roll!

# Sex, drugs, rock & roll #

Ian! Ian! Ian!

Ian! Ian!

See, people imagine

people like me want all of that,

to be popular and famous, but I don't.

I prefer being a lurker,

'cause I like being naughty.

Paul McCartney says

when he gets recognised,

he just walks brusquely away.

Well, if I walk brusquely away,

I fall over and down I go a-tumble.

Did I say you could laugh?

-Touch me, Ian! Touch me!

-I ain't the f***ing Pope, am I?

Now you can laugh.

Ian! Ian!

So, how's the new gaff?

ls it keeping all you guys productive?

Well, you've got to pace

your life, lie fallow for stages,

so that's what l'm doing.

Biding me time till I'm ready to pounce.

Bax? Bax? Don't you want to swim?

-You sure?

-Yeah.

You yourself, have you lost that

common touch people said you had?

Oh, well, that all depends on

where l'm touching them, doesn't it?

Well, is it possible to

maintain a uniqueness, do you think?

Well, we're all unique,

aren't we? Eh?

Yeah, but if you wish to package

that uniqueness,

well, then you take risks.

Don't we, Denise? Eh?

Even with things in love?

Love. Mmm.

Well, there are people in this world

who act purely out of love.

Whereas, me, I'm a wanker being

interviewed by a c*nt and I love it.

Am I making a bit of a kipper

of meself, Denny?

I think this little squirt wants to know

how we're getting on.

Well, I'd like to be at home.

Oh, would you? Well, this is home.

No, this is rented

for a small fortune, actually.

Oh, well, you know, we've gotta be here

'cause we've got to work, haven't we?

It's industrial relations now.

No time for real relations.

Yeah, I'd noticed.

All right, goose?

Amphetamines. Speed, Billy Whizz,

Black Beauties, sulphate.

Righteous stuff.

Originally a nasal decongestant.

Used during the war.

It keeps you awake.

Basically, speed won

the Battle of Britain.

They were flying very high,

those boys. Literally.

-That's a lot.

-Don't want to withdraw. Here you go.

Go on, son. Give it here.

Your lives are to be spared.

The terrible penalty of crucifixion

has been set aside. ..

What's this?

-.. .on the single condition

that you identify the body

or the living person

of the slave called Spartacus.

-l'm Spartacus!

-l'm Spartacus!

Ow!

-You spilled me nuts.

-Oh, sorry.

Don't look for it now.

-l'm Spartacus!

-l'm Spartacus!

We should work.

Kirk Douglas is

just about to get crucified.

Yeah, I know, but I've just written

a brilliant riff, right?

-I promise you, it's a brilliant. ..

-Just relax, will you? You doughnut.

Ian, listen, it's fantastic.

We should go and work on it.

What are you?

Some kind of mad nutty professor?

Will you shut up?

I'm trying to watch a movie.

-Chaz, you're standing in my way.

-I've got to get the guitar.

Will you get me some more nuts?

Actually, can you get me some olives

as well? Stoned.

Take a month.

Come on, Baxter,

what's wrong with you?

-Scared of a bit of water?

Leave him alone, Ian.

-Just jump in, it's the only way.

-No, I don't wanna.

-Look, he doesn't want to, Ian.

-Go on, I dare you.

-It's bloody freezing.

-Go on.

-Let him off. Go on, Bax.

-No, no.

It's a very dangerous place.

-Go on, Bax. Go on.

-Where are you going?

-Oi!

Why don't you jump in?

Actually, I was a brilliant swimmer.

Don't you think how lucky we are?

Very big house and a pool

and a record at number one

in the hit parade.

-Don't that make you happy?

-You need sleep, Ian.

Yeah, plenty of time for sleeping

when you're dead.

The last chicken in the shop,

the juicy golden goosey

and I am cooked.

# In the deserts of Sudan

# And the gardens of Japan

# From Milan to Yucatn

# Every womans' every man

# Hit me with your rhythm stick

# Hit me

Hit me

# lst gut, c'est fantastique

# Hit me, hit me, hit me!

# Hit me with your rhythm stick

# lt's nice to be a lunatic

# Hit me!

Hit me!

# Hit me!

Turn your f***ing mike down!

I can't hear myself think.

-# Hit me!

-Stop f***ing me around!

-Oh, come on, man.

-I already told you once.

Get him off me, I'll f***ing kill him!

You're f***ing up everything!

Oh, yeah? Forget it!

# Jingle bells

# Rudolph smells

# Santa shagged an elf

# Tiny Tim plays with his crutch

and thinks it is himself

Happy Christmas!

I'm.. .the husband.

So, where'd you get

your black eye from?

Well, it's funny you

should say that, actually, because.. .

-Sorry, what's your name again?

-Clive.

Anyway, so we were at this posh

restaurant. .. Where were we, Strang?

-Oh, Caprice.

-Caprice.

F***ing I look over, right?

And I say,

"Look, it's Omar f***ing Sharif. It is!"

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