Sex Ed Page #9

# Agent double-O soul, baby #

# You're a real cool lover #

# To a long, tall, lean

lanky daddy ##

Hi. I'm the new student teacher

from the American Teaching Corps.

Hi. Welcome.

It's kind of funny

because I'm actually Canadian.

Canadian?

So you came here to learn how to

teach health and human development.

Yes. I think sex ed

is really important.

Well, you came

to the right f***in' place.

# Uhh! #

# Yeah #

# I'm talkin' to you, girl #

# Yeah #

# Only you #

# All right, now #

# Listen to me #

# If you want our love to last #

# Girl, forget about the past #

# What ya gonna do? #

# Uhh! #

# What ya gonna do? #

# Put your hang-ups down #

# If you want to be around #

We have kids coming

to this class...

and you think you're gonna have to

explain them anatomical or sexual things,

but they're more advanced

than I am with certain things.

'Cause of what?

The Internet.

Just with obscure

sexual positions.

I mean, I'd love to know

what the kids know.

I think it's against the law

to repeat something...

that a minor

tells you sexually,

but now that I've done my Internet

research to shore up my knowledge,

I feel like... I feel

like I've aged 10 years.

When I was a young man,

you would just hint to a girl

like, "Oh, I got a big dick. "

You'd imply it?

Yeah. But that's it.

Pants were tighter back then. You could

probably... Yeah, that's what guys did.

Or they would stuff, like, a shoe

in there or tin foil. Definitely.

Or a narrow shoe.

A narrow shoe?

Otherwise it looks like

you have a deformed thing.

You don't want

to scare 'em off.

Like a goiter or something.

There is a disorder.

It's... Oh, shoot.

I should know this

for my job.

But where one of the

components in the testicles...

swells to such a size that

you have to have it removed.

One of the components?

Like the vas deferens?

It might be the vas...

Or the Cowper's gland.

That's the one I always

pretend like I know, but...

I know that one. It's like the

prostate and the Cowper's adds...

I would look,

but my Google's down.

We gotta get

new textbooks.

The books that I have

are from 1983. I know.

They're still

calling AIDS GRID.

There's also...

It's embarrassing.

Okay. They're still saying

masturbation is wrong.

Even monkeys masturbate.

They do. Bonobos.

Yeah?

The apes.

Yeah? They use sex as... Like trade.

They'll trade sexual favors

within their bonombo colonies.

Yeah. They'll prostitute out people

to create peace between tribes.

They will.

Yeah.

Look at... I wouldn't

teach that in junior high.

That seems like a

higher-concept idea. No.

I'd like

more primatology too.

It's almost like grooming.

Like when they give cunnilingus

to another ape. Grooming?

Oh! Huh.

Yeah.

That's fascinating.

Yeah.

Speaking of grooming...

Mm-hmm?

You ever get crabs? I have

not. This... Interesting fact.

The crab is... or the pubic

louse... is endangered.

Good! Because of modern grooming habits.

Very few people have that...

In the videos that I found

of sex education...

with, like,

serious hair down there,

that's not really

the tendency these days.

Yeah. So the louse is going extinct.

That's good.

Like smallpox...

Have you gotten...

I never got 'em. No.

Good. I mean, I never looked,

but I'm assuming you'd know.

I would probably

feel something.

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