Sex Ed Page #8

beat-off, fall asleep, man.

I'll be right back.

Look who it is,

out with my girlfriend.

I don't want any trouble, man.

Yeah? Well, you got trouble.

Man, f*** off!

Am I gonna have

to kick your ass again,

you little f***in' p*ssy?

I was just trying to keep

the peace. That's what I was doing.

I didn't have nothing to do with all

this, 'cause this is my operation.

The white dude, man, he came from

out of nowhere, man, like a hurricane,

Like, he tore someone. He fish-hooked

the motherf***er. The "Hispanish" dude.

If you don't know what that is, it's

when you take your hand like such...

and you rip it like a fish.

So if you ask me,

he won the fight for sure, man.

Yeah, right, he won the fight

due to a fishhook maneuver.

Dude, I don't think I can

get you off again, man.

Man, I am pulling all kind of

favors with my buddies in police,

but two times in two

weeks, that is a lot.

Well, I say

congratulations.

I sounds like

you're finally living.

I don't have a job and I

probably have an arrest record,

and Pilar ditched me.

I'll tell you what, honey.

Forget the woman. You need

to go and get your job back.

- He can't. This Reverend Hamilton guy.

- Oh, my God.

How is it I'm the only one in this

group who has some f***ing balls?

You're right.

Those kids need me.

Without you, they're gonna learn

about sex from the Internet,

and the Internet

is a dark place.

Lemonparty?

Yeah, that's disgusting.

Bukkake? I mean...

The whole concept

of bukkake.

Girls are gonna think it's cool for a

bunch of weird guys in business suits...

- to just jerk off on their faces.

- Ew.

I don't think I need to tell you

guys that sh*t's inappropriate.

I'm gonna talk to Hamilton

after school tomorrow.

He's got an A.A meeting

that he leads there.

I am right there

with you, man.

I think I gotta

do this one myself.

Just take a seat up there.

- What are you doing here?

- My name's Eddie Cole.

- I'd like to share.

- This is a private meeting, Mr. Cole.

I need to share.

I'm gonna share, okay?

How many parents

we got in here?

Just answer me one question,

and then I'll go.

How many of you have discussed

sex with your children?

Please raise your hands.

Where do you think kids learn about

sex if not from you, their parents,

or me, a teacher?

They learn about it

from each other...

or from things

they've seen in movies...

or on the Internet,

with pornography.

They see images of men doing

strange and mean things to women.

Sometimes like four or five guys

and just one girl,

doing things

that are uncomfortable,

doing things that might cause

some sort of injury.

Girls learn that they should

expect men to treat them badly.

The truth is, maybe I'm not the right

person to be teaching this class.

I don't have

the teaching experience.

I don't even have

the sexual experience.

I'm actually a virgin.

So that's kind of nuts

that I'm teaching sex ed.

But this class is important.

It's the most important thing

that we can teach these kids.

Mr. Cole is

really important to us...

because he tells us

straight about sex.

Yeah, I used to think

it was normal and easy...

to meet women to have sex

with you if you had a big van.

I tried it, man. It's not.

Now we know that sex like

that just isn't normal.

And it's not even,

like, a good idea.

I mean, if you just go around having sex

with everybody, you're gonna get a disease.

And if you do that, you can get

coot checkers on your labia majora.

What we're trying to say is, there are things

about having sex and being a grown-up...

that are too weird

to talk to your dad about.

I love you, Dad, but I

can't ask you about butt sex.

I just can't,

but I can ask Mr. Cole,

and I know he'll give me

a real answer...

that if two adults mutually

agree that they wanna do anal,

they can do it, provided they use

sufficient lubrication and condoms.

How am I supposed to have that

conversation with my dad, the reverend?

We need Mr. Cole.

and his class makes me realize,

maybe it's okay if I'm one too.

Excuse me, Mr. Cole.

I'll catch up with you

in a second.

Hey, thanks for your support

in there.

I really... support you.

Just let me know if there's anything

else I can do to support you.

Any time.

Hey.

Hey, you.

Hey.

Congratulations.

Tito told me

about what happened.

Yeah, thanks.

He also told me what

you said in the classroom...

about you not having sex.

Is that true?

It is. Uh, I'm sorry. I

know that's kind of weird.

Stop.

What's goin' on?

What do you think?

I...

Yo! We're all waiting

for you down at The Hub.

One second, man.

I'll be right down.

Come on!

Hey, why don't we go down to the

bar, celebrate with everybody...

and then we can

come back up?

Come here.

I wanna be your first.

Dude, I'll be right down!

I don't need to do it

right this second.

We don't need to do it

just to do it.

Isn't that a good reason?

I'm not saying I don't

want to do it with you.

Just maybe right now

isn't the best time.

Why not?

Why don't we go down?

We can listen to some music.

You can meet my friends.

We could dance.

I, like,

really don't like that bar.

What? Really?

Yeah, I'm not into it.

Okay, well...

Why don't we...

f*** right now...

and go to this club

down the block after?

You know,

last time we went to a club,

I kind of got stuck outside.

I know. I know, but it'll

be different this time.

Yeah, but... Eddie, I'm...

I'm trying to make you cooler.

I'm not that uncool.

I know. I just... I...

F*** it.

I don't get you.

I really don't.

You can stay a virgin.

I guess I think that's okay.

Fine.

F***.

Did I ruin that for you?

Feels like you need a

little bit of bourbon, baby.

On the rocks,

splash of soda?

Yeah.

So, where's your lovely?

She is lovely, isn't she?

She is.

I ended it.

I don't know

what's wrong with me.

It'll happen, Eddie.

You just have to be

ready for it when it does,

and then it'll be easy.

It'll all make perfect sense.

I'll tell you what.

What's that?

You're a man now.

Manhood isn't all wanting

a woman and not gettin' her.

It's having a woman and knowing

you don't feel the madness.

Yeah.

Ain't no shame in it.

More shame in living

and no love.

You're right.

Thanks.

Oh, man! Seventh

period, sex ed, Mr. Cole.

What's this honky motherf***er

gonna teach me about sex?

Whoa, hold up. You got

Mr. Cole for sex ed?

Son, Mr. Cole

is for real.

He's the realest

motherf***er that is.

# Long,

tall, lean lanky daddy #

# You look good to me #

# Hip-hop wheels

Then you vanish #

# Show me what you do to me #

# Fast-walkin',

sweet-talking daddy #

# You're really outta sight #

# Cool down smooth

with me, daddy #

# You make me feel all right #

# Agent Double-O Soul, baby #

# You're a real cool lover #

# Dr. Feelgood #

# Long, tall, lean

lanky daddy #

# He's my real swinging' daddy #

# Fast-walking',

sweet-talkin' daddy #

# Cool down smooth

with me, daddy #

# D-A-D-D-Y, daddy #

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