Shack Out on 101

Oh, you, what a-

Don't you-

I got a good mind to drop these

dishes. You got a good mind?

It's 6:
00 already, and the tomato's

still out there paradin' for the seagulls.

Puttin' dishes away

is her job.

Ain't it enough that I do

the cookin' and the cleanin'?

Every time I talk about

the tomato, you get busy.

The tomato's got a name!

Kotty! Everybody's got a name.

Yeah? Then how come you call me

Slob when my name's really Leo?

Because you look

like a slob.

Even when you're clean,

you look dirty.

That, to me, is not a Leo.

That is a slob.

Gee. Oh, that's funny.

Yeah, funny.

Very.

You're laughing me

into bankruptcy.

Why did you do it? Look

what he did! He's crazy!

You're not gonna get away with

it. You're gonna get me a new one!

I'm gonna get you nothin'!

All right. Lay off!

You do that again,

and I'll whack you good.

You raise a hand to her, I'll make

you eat it. I'd like to see that.

I was only havin' fun.

So am I!

I'm gonna

teach you a lesson.

Next time I'm in San Diego,

I'm goin' into the best store.

And I'm gonna get

the best petticoat.

And you're gonna pay for

it. You got a fat chance.

You wanna bet? I'll let

you in on a little secret.

I'm gonna take it out of your

salary. How do you like that?

I'll go to the labor

board. Well, I'm for that!

And when you're there, ask

'em to get you a new job!

Well, it's easy to see who you got eyes

for, huh? Too bad I wasn't born a tomato.

Too bad you were born,

period!

Hi, George.

Here, catch.

Oh, is this the one

about the seashells?

You'll find it interesting. Book

better have a lot of pictures in it.

I can read as good as you.

You can't do nothin' good.

Yeah?

Yeah!

What brought on this chain

reaction? Kotty's petticoat.

Look at what

Slob did to it.

What'd you do this for?

I don't know.

I- I just felt like it.

That's a stupid answer.

Figures. It's comin' from a

stupid place. Oh, you shut up!

What's everybody making such a big thing

for? You'd think the tomato was a queen.

As far as you're concerned,

she is.

You're looking for trouble,

I can give it to you.

Anything you start with Kotty,

you're gonna have to finish with me.

Now you go back

to your greasy griddle.

Well, I hope you're happy,

you troublemaker, you.

There's only one thing could make me

happy. I'll outlive you two to one.

Never mind the odds.

Buy her a new petticoat.

And behave yourself.

Who is it?

What do you want?

Oh, Sam, I thought it was-

Come on in.

How's my girl? Fine. Don't I look it?

You look just great. Slob's

gonna buy you a new petticoat.

If I told you what

he did to me on the beach-

I heard all about it out there.

No sense going through it again.

Slob's got an eight-cylinder

body and a two-cylinder mind.

You gotta consider the source. Good.

He's not gonna

bother you anymore.

Now let's talk about something

worthwhile. I'm all for that.

I think I know the first

two chapters by heart.

Well, you're really serious about

taking this civil service exam.

I don't want to be a

waitress all my life.

I want you

to be proud of me.

I am, and you don't have to be

anything but exactly what you are.

Just you wait until

I pass that examination.

Instead of coming to see me

in this broken-down beanery,

you'll-you'll walk into a great

big beautiful government building,

and I'll be sitting

behind a big desk doing-

Doing something important? Uh-huh.

Something important.

You know, the longer I know

you, the more you amaze me.

Will you tell me something?

Anything, Sam.

Anything.

What are the first Ten Amendments

to the Constitution called?

The Bill of Rights.

That's right.

What form of government

is this? The best!

That's a very good answer,

but it's not the right one.

This is a Republic.

Isn't that the best?

Sure is.

Sam, there's so much to learn.

Sometimes I feel I'll never make it.

Oh, you're doing real great.

Now tell me something else.

What?

Into what branches does the constitution

divide the governmental powers?

Judicial.

Legislative.

Executive.

Oh, I wish there

were more branches.

What's with you? You sore

'cause I'm the champion?

If you hadn't caught me with a

fully belly, I'd have killed you.

You want to

kill me now?

Yeah.

Be my pleasure.

All right. Come on. Come on.

Break it up. Come on!

Come on, guys. Break it

up, will ya? Get over here.

All right. Come on.

Let go, will ya?

Aw, George, we're just

havin' a little fun.

Will ya

- The world is full of people, and I got to wind up with two monsters!

These are nice, fat fish.

Sure, you know why?

They come

from Mexican waters.

You can't catch anything off

this coast. It's all fished out.

This ought to

take care of you.

Mr. Gregory happy with me?

Sure, sure.

Will you guys

cut out all that dishin'?

You get out of here and

let Slob finish his work.

You don't have to hit me in

the head. I can take a hint.

See you again, Slob. Let's you and

me get together on my night off.

Maybe we'll get us

a couple of hot dishes.

Yeah, I'm your boy.

You get 'em, I'll go.

Whatever you two could get,

they don't let out at night.

What were you guys

whispering about in here?

Oh, us? Nothin'. Oh, don't give

me that. I'm wise to you guys.

You're both trying to pull

a fast one- with the fish!

I don't have to

take no insults from you!

Tell him, boy.

Tell him good!

Will you shut your trap

and get outta here?

Ho, ho, ho.

If it wasn't so hard to

get a cook way out here,

- I'd have bounced your head out that front door long ago.

- Then we're even.

'Cause if I wasn't such a lousy cook, I

would've walked outta here a long time ago.

- Georgie!

- Hey, Eddie!

Welcome home!

Welcome home, my boy.

Hey, you look like a

million. How's the old ulcer?

Like a mother-in-law-

Naggin' me night and day.

Come on. Sit down. Tell us

how the world is treating you.

Ain't you gonna

ask me how I feel?

Why should he? The only thing

that'll kill you is time.

Hey, that reminds me. About

that watch you sold me-

I gave it to you wholesale.

What else do you want?

I want what it says in the guarantee

- If it's busted, you gotta give me a new one.

Dreamboat here

only reads the large print.

Yeah, Slob, that's right. All

them guarantees is the same.

The big print gives you everything.

The little print takes it away.

I don't care. You said it

didn't have to be winded.

I could leave it in water

overnight, and it wouldn't hurt.

That I did. Even an impartial jury

will agree that water is not soup,

especially hot onion soup.

When I examined your watch, it had

pepper, cheese and a piece of onion in it.

Furthermore, it looked to me as if it had

been cooked over a slow fire all night.

Why didn't you tell me you dropped it

in the soup? A man's entitled to privacy.

Not in my soup!

Will you do me a favor?

I don't want to be aggravated

before I eat. Now chop it!

If you think

you can get away with-

You heard what the man said.

Chop it. What'll you have, Ed?

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