Shack Out on 101 Page #2

I've had a taste for your hamburger in my

mouth all the way down from Pismo Beach.

What do you want

on it?

Everything.

Except your watch.

Big comic, huh?

A lotta things I could put on

that hamburger. You wouldn't!

Hey, Slob,

not even in a joke, huh?

One burger... comin' up.

Hey, it's my friend

the brain!

Eddie! How's

the number one salesman?

It's number three now. This

territory's getting a little tired.

How are you doin'?

Mmm.

Oh, I forgot. You can't talk about it.

But I'll bet you're still top man

in the cyclotron department, huh?

Number one in

the love department too.

Oh, that I know.

Tell me something new.

How's the chickie?

She's great, Eddie.

She's going to be happy to see you.

You're one of her favorite people.

Naturally. With my charm, why not, huh?

How do you feel? Oh, well, I

- I think I'm improving.

Too bad you can't stay around awhile.

I could recommend a good psychiatrist.

Aw, who heeds those headshrinkers?

You're good enough for me.

Every time I talk to you,

I feel like a new man.

Very flattering, Eddie,

but you need professional help.

Armchair psychology's

not enough.

Look, Professor, I got friends

who've been going for years.

They still eat birdseed.

So you're not a talking doctor.

Eddie's got confidence in you.

And it's very important to me.

I don't know. All I know is,

you tell me what to do,

and when I do it,

I feel better.

If you were to tell me to jump off a

building, I'd take off like a jet job.

You remember what you told me

about physical therapy? Look.

I even got a sports catalog. It's got all

the stuff George and I need for our vacation.

Acapulco,

here we come!

See, here's the flippers down

here... and the underwater masks.

Sure, it's got everything for skin

diving. Boy, these snorkels look good.

Where's the, uh, harpoons?

Sharp prongs.

Gruesome.

Even on paper, it makes me sick

when I think of the poor fish.

Eddie, there you go again. Now

why did I recommend skin diving?

I told you,

the fish are cold-blooded.

This I want to hear straight

from the fish's mouth.

All right,

I'll arrange a meeting.

You know, these elastic-driven

harpoons are effective,

but the ones with the carbon

didioxide have more power.

"For big game fish-

Rust-proof, non-slip handles. "

Yeah, but look at

that crazy price.

What do they think we skin

divers are? Millionaires?

Relax, George. I met a sporting goods

salesman. Sold him a watch wholesale.

In return, he's showing his

appreciation by giving me his cost.

Pick it up.

That's for you, Ed.

Eddie, baby! Chickie!

How's the livin' doll?

Gee, I've missed you. How long

you gonna stay this time?

Till I get some business.

Oh, don't you work too hard.

You're lookin' real good.

How do you like that? I own

the joint. I pay the salaries.

Nothin' like that

ever happens to me.

That's because

you don't sell jewelry.

You better be careful, Eddie. Kotty

must have her eye on something.

Chickie can have

anything I got. Wholesale.

You extravagant boy! Eat your

hamburger before it gets cold.

I gotta get going, Kotty. I'll

walk you out. Be right back.

Take your time. You will anyway. Put the

coffee on my tab, George. See you soon.

Don't worry. I'll be around for

some more of those free treatments.

Attaboy, Eddie. Bye, Slob!

Good night, Professor.

What do ya say, Kot?

Hi, Artie.

Hey, how's the doll?

Floating, Pepe.

Va, va, va, voom!

Hey, you guys,

cut it out!

What's the matter with you?

We were only lookin'.

Well, for your information,

this ain't no museum.

Really? Then how do you explain those

antique French doughnuts you serve?

Oh, very funny.

Hiya, fellas.

How's the chicken business?

It's for the birds.

What do you say, Slob? What could

he say that would be interesting?

Well, fellas,

what'll it be?

I'll have an Egyptian

dancing girl. Yeah, me too.

Sorry, they're out of season. But how about

cherry pie and coffee? As if I didn't know.

You talked us into it.

Getting any action?

Oh, business

has been lousy.

Last time the cash register

rang, I answered the phone.

You ever try serving decent

food? Sometimes it helps.

Oh, that's clever.

Oh! Ow!

What is it?

Well, what do you think it is?

Looks like the buckle

off a wristwatch band.

Oh, Slob,

did you lose this?

Where'd you find it?

Where you put it!

You need a witness?

We'll be glad to help.

Well, thanks. That's

very neighborly of you.

What is this? An automobile

accident or something?

Nobody get killed. I don't

see any stiffs laying around.

There will be. Just give him

time to digest his sandwich.

What do you do? You guys gain

weight from aggravatin' me?

What do you want

from my life?

You're sure a sorehead, George.

They're only ribbing you.

Hey, your boyfriend really sends

you. He must be quite a guy.

You have no idea. He's

wonderful and smart too.

I don't know how I rate a professor.

What's so great about that?

My sister's married

to a schoolteacher.

Look, my chicken-picking friend. Sam

doesn't teach "one and one is two. "

He's a scientist,

a nuclear physicist.

Boom!

He's a big, big man!

Aw, I'm not impressed.

If he's such a big wheel, why isn't he in

Los Alamos with the rest of the atom smashers?

You're a real dope.

Don't you know that little bunch of buildings

up the highway where Sam experiments...

is one of the most important

universities in the whole world?

That hunk of ivy?

What can he do there?

He's not allowed to tell

me. Mmm, what a stinker.

If you were my girl,

I'd tell you everything.

Hey, what are you doin'

tomorrow night?

You'll never know

because you won't be there!

Come on, Kot. Get a girl for me,

and we'll double-date.

Tomorrow's payday.

Cut it out!

Hey, give us a break.

We'll show you a good time.

Get your hands off her, or I'll belt

ya. You'll have to belt both of us.

Well, don't think I can't!

All right, you knock off.

You stay out of this, Ed. You've been

sick. What you guys wanna fight for?

Who wants to fight?

He started it.

You know what I think? I think

you're on the hook for Kotty.

I ain't interested

in what you think!

Now pick up your tabs and

haul carcass out of here!

Aw, now look. I'm sorry fellas.

I didn't mean to roust you.

Here. Next time

coffee's on me.

Make it a steak, and the

romance will be on again.

I ain't interested in a

honeymoon. Coffee or nothin'.

Okay, but for coffee don't

expect the full treatment.

So long, George.

Okay.

See ya.

So long.

What are you

thinkin' about?

Oh, just thinkin'.

Want to talk?

About what?

Yeah, I guess you're right.

What's there to talk about when a guy with

your sense of humor forgets how to laugh?

Will you

get off my back?

Oh, I

- I'm sorry, Ed. You're the last guy I should blast.

I'm the first. George,

ain't I your best friend?

Go ahead, blast.

Ah, what's the use?

It's all a bunch of slop.

You just finding that out? Life's 90%

walking through slop, to get to the roses.

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