Shack Out on 101 Page #3

I'll buy that, but when

do I get to smell 'em?

Oh, brother, you sure got a short

memory. How long ago was D-Day?

We have a lot to be grateful for. Did you

ever see two guys with more holes in 'em?

I still remember how choppy the

Channel looked through your chest.

Yeah. They never thought we'd make

it, did they? Yeah. We showed 'em.

You still think about

it? Only when I sleep.

Hey, George,

you know what I think?

Maybe you ought to sell this

place. Maybe it's too much for you.

Sell what I wanted all my life? Never!

Say, I've been all over

the world. It's nothing!

Look what I got here. I got

the mountains in my front yard.

The ocean in my backyard. The door's

open all the time for people to come in.

I'm the host,

and they pay me for it.

Nah, that's not

the trouble.

Kotty? I'm on the hook,

and I can't get off!

Artie was right. I thought

that was over a long time ago.

Oh, no,

it's worse than ever.

You poor guy.

You haven't got a chance,

and you know it.

Even if you were Cary Grant she

wouldn't give you a second look.

George, the whole thing's chemistry.

She's "A." The professor's "B."

You just

don't fit in the formula.

I know. A character like

me should know his place.

That's the way to talk.

The best thing for two guys like us to do is to

forget all about women and look for adventure.

Look who's talking about adventure.

You're scared of your own shadow!

That's not true.

Only thing that

- that still gets me is blood and violence.

Oh, now,

come on, relax.

It's gonna be just like the professor

said. You're gonna get rid of that phobia.

We're going down to Acapulco, have

plenty of adventure, excitement...

and you'll come

back a new man!

From your mouth

into my ego.

George, give me your hand. What're

you gonna do? Tell my fortune?

Eddie, give me yours.

Pepe's hand didn't feel like

yours. More like Eddie's.

It's funny, a truck driver

with soft hands.

I thought I heard a train go by.

Oh, it's you and them weights.

Come on. Pick up the

weights, will ya? Okay.

You're a little late

today, ain't ya? Yeah.

Hey, that looks great.

That's a beautiful-lookin'

set of muscles.

How many times have I told you

not to call 'em muscles?

You wanna sound like an

amateur? Call 'em pecs.

Well, what's the difference? Big

deal. The fact is you got 'em.

Yeah. Well, I'm gonna tell you, you'd

have 'em too if you'd only work out.

A couple of lifts

and you quit for the day.

I'm very happy

with my pecs.

We're closed!

We don't open till 6:00!

I don't know why

people don't eat at home.

Every time I eat out

I get sick.

You don't have to tell me

nothin' about restaurant food.

Hey listen, Slob. I ordered

another set of barbells.

You want to go halfies

with me? Don't I always?

Oh, that's great. It's Charlie

Strongtree's latest invention.

He says that

it develops the latissimus.

Yeah, we're both a little

weak in that department.

Yeah, he says two weeks of that, and

we'll be the envy of Muscle Beach.

Won't them tomatoes

go for us, huh?

Look. Hey, hey, I don't

go for no tomato!

I do this for myself.

You wouldn't believe it.

You know, Slob, at one time I was so skinny, I

was embarrassed to undress in front of myself?

I see what you mean. You know, there's one

thing. I don't go for those guys on Muscle Beach.

Their waists is so thin there's no

room for any food. Yeah, those idiots.

They're way over the top.

Who wants to go around walkin' in

a leopard skin all the time anyway?

Those guys

can't wear clothes.

I look pretty good

in a suit, though, don't I?

You look great.

Especially that

double-breasted brown job.

What about me?

Well, your clothes

don't do too much for you.

Hey.

Feel this!

That's pretty hard-

But not as hard as mine.

It's a matter of opinion. Hey, but you

won't argue about these legs. Get those.

What's wrong with mine?

Eh, they're soft, flabby.

If you did what I told you to

do, you'd have legs like mine.

Let's forget about the legs. I don't

care about them anyway. They don't show.

You know what I really want?

A big, thick neck!

I think you'd do better

concentratin' on the legs.

I don't know how you even get

around. I don't know how you walk.

Wouldn't you want

a set of legs like mine?

Oh, I go for your triceps and

your biceps. They look great.

But I wouldn't have your

legs if you'd give 'em to me.

Well, I ain't

givin' you nothin'.

You can go around on those pins

for the rest of your life.

There you go, gettin' sore again.

A guy can't be honest around here.

Hey, no! Kotty!

Don't look!

Okay. Now, Kot.

Kotty, we want you to do us a favor.

We want you to judge a contest.

We want you to decide who's got the

best-lookin' legs in this establishment.

And just 'cause he's the

boss, don't play favorites.

All right, which one of us

got the best?

In this establishment?

I have.

I got a sneakin' hunch she's

been usin' our barbells.

What's wrong, Kotty?

You unhappy?

I don't know.

I keep thinking crazy things.

One minute I'm up in the clouds,

then I get so low I could die.

Did you get bad news from

home? Oh, no, nothing like that.

Then what is it? Looks like my

girl's keeping secrets from me.

Me? That's funny.

You're the one.

What does that mean?

Skip it. I don't want

to talk about it.

That's not like you. You

always speak your mind.

Now come on. What is it?

What's wrong?

That's just

what I want to know.

Sam, you've changed. We used

to be together all the time.

Now I only see you

when you come to the shack.

And then you spend most of your time

talking to Slob and looking at shells!

Don't tell me

you're jealous of Slob.

If it weren't for him,

I never would have met you.

Nah, it's something else.

Come on. Tell me. What is it?

Sam, when is the last time

you took me to dinner?

- When did we last go dancing?

- I've been busy. You know that.

That's as good an excuse as any,

but I think I know the real reason.

You're ashamed to be seen

out in public with me.

It wouldn't be nice for a famous professor

whose picture's on the cover of a big magazine...

to be seen out

with a hash slinger!

What will people say?

Do you honestly believe that I

give a hang what strangers think?

You think I'm impressed because a magazine

decided to make a hero out of a scientist?

You know better than that.

Come on.

I'm just a lucky guy who's

got a job that he likes,

and because I like it, I spend

a great deal of time at it.

I'm not going to change my way

of life for you or anybody else.

I guess

I've been told.

I'm gonna continue to tell you just

so long as you act like a little girl.

Don't be

so emotional.

Why?

I'm not ashamed of it.

I am emotional. I am

jealous. And I want attention!

Like you, I have no intention of changing

my way of life to please you or anybody else!

As long as you're here, you

might as well have some coffee.

I've already poured it.

There's no sense wasting it.

Still angry with me?

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