Shall We Dance Page #2

there around the corner.

You're gonna go anywhere after class,

you come here, OK? Thank you.

Why'd you guys decide

to take dance, anyway?

- I'm gettin' married in September.

- Nice.

Yeah. My bride said she'd like

to see me lose a few pounds.

She thinks the dancing will help.

I said it won't.

- I think you'll win that argument.

- I'm taking classes to impress the ladies.

You know what they say

about guys who can dance, right?

- That they're great in bed.

- Yeah, baby.

- Where do you get that stupid crap?

- Everywhere. What do you think?

Everybody knows a guy who can move

on the dance floor can move in the sack.

Most guys, they can't dance at all. Guys

who can, they get their pick of the litter.

That's why, when I'm done with this class,

babes will drop at my feet.

They're gonna be droppin'

dead at your feet.

When you took your shoes off in class

today, I had to run to the window for air.

What kind of person says something like

that to somebody they don't even know?

Hey, man, I'm doin' you a favor.

I'm telling you something obnoxious about

yourself that you might not be aware of.

If there's something obnoxious about me

that you don't think I'm aware of,

y'all should feel free to say

something about it to me.

Shooting fish in a barrel.

- Where are all the ladies, anyways?

- I don't know what I'm talking about.

The ladies, they all go and take

the classes down at Doctor Dance -

that's, like, the hip place to go downtown.

Ditzy Mitzi's is only hangin' on by a thread.

Only reason I go there is she lets me

rehearse whenever I want for free.

I'm gonna compete in the

Chicago Taittinger Trophy.

Soon as I find a partner.

So... that leaves you.

Leaves me? How? What?

Leaves you as the only one here

who hasn't said why he's dancing yet.

Oh. Well, I'm dancing

for exercise, like Vern.

Bull.

Because I'm lousy in bed, like Chic.

There, I've said it.

- That is bull! I didn't say I was bad in bed.

- You didn't have to.

Come on, why?

Is there any pepper here?

Could I have some?

That's what I thought.

She was a Blackpool finalist, you know.

Who?

The princess.

The other teacher, Paulina.

What's Blackpool?

Every year, all the best dancers

from all over the world...

go to England to compete there.

She was there last year with her partner -

who they say was much more to her

than just her partner.

Anyway, he dumped her. That's the only

reason she came back here to teach -

mad at the world,

boo-hoo-hoo and all that.

- Why'd he dump her?

- Yeah.

How the hell should I know?

God, they say women gossip! Golly!

Hello? I'm home.

Great. Great, Vern.

Slow. The mambo is slow.

Slide that hand one inch

south of the equator...

and I will bust you on your ass,

twinkle-toes.

Let's get something straight. I don't like

the tropics any more than you do, OK?

Five, six, seven, eight...

Arms. And basic.

And cross over.

Right.

One more time,

and walk around.

- And basic.

- Watch out.

And big ending.

Look at you, John!

- That was pretty good.

- You were really good.

Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm gonna go up and change.

Right.

- Dad work late tonight?

- Yeah, looks that way.

Guess whatever he's working on,

he must like it.

- Why do you say that?

- He seems happier lately.

Does he?

I called the Halston people

in New York.

We're gonna have trouble getting more

stock in. Everything's on back-order.

Look, Carolyn, I'm gonna need you

to go to New York and sweet-talk them.

- Can you leave tomorrow?

- No.

Why not?

My husband is having an affair.

How do you know that?

I picked up the receiver last night

to phone a friend,

not knowing that Greg was already

on the other line in the den.

He was whispering.

What was he whispering?

I don't know.

I was so scared I hung up

before I could hear anything.

Well, there's lots of other reasons

why he could be whispering.

I mean, maybe he didn't wanna

wake up the kids. Huh?

Or he could be planning a surprise for you.

I mean, your birthday's coming up, isn't it?

In two weeks.

That's it.

Take a breath, go get yourself a brownie

in the kitchen, just chill. It's gonna be fine.

OK.

- Euh!

- Ooh-hoo-hoo!

You silly goose, you.

She'll be divorced by Easter.

Come on, John.

Join the warm-up.

Ow!

- Jesus! I'm sorry!

- Watch your floorcraft, spasmo!

What, you think you own this floor? I'll

have a bruise the size of Texas tomorrow!

- Go away!

- Go away? You go away!

Take your stupid music with you!

I can't dance to that crap.

You just gonna stand there

and let that fat cow insult you?

- I'm sorry, what did you say?

- Nothing. She didn't say anything.

Sorry. These are the teeth

I wear for the Latin.

It gets your smile out there.

Just a little bit bigger smile.

Bam! Gets the judges right

in the eye, catches the light.

And then the make-up -

you know the make-up.

"Swish-butt," "Fancy pants,"

"Pinky boy"...

All these names, all these names I've been

called ever since I was eight years old...

and dancing around

to my mother's rumba records.

You know what

the worst of it is? Huh?

I'm not gay. Can you imagine how much

easier my life would be if I were?

I mean, a straight man who likes

to dance around in sequins...

walks a very lonely road.

I got news for you.

Look, you're not gonna

tell anybody in the office, are you?

No, no, no. I wouldn't do that.

Look, I'm in the same boat, aren't I?

No, you're not. You're not.

- Why not?

- Because... people like you.

You know what I mean?

You're charming.

I'm Linky Link. They would

crucify me if they found out.

I'm the sports trivia king,

I'm the super sports fan, you know?

- You don't like football?

- I... You know.

Run three yards, fall down, pile up.

Run three yards, fall down, pile up.

I mean, you know, four months of that,

I'm ready to put a gun to my head.

- Fooled me.

- I know. I fooled everybody.

You know what my dream is?

What?

My dream... is to be able

to dance free and proud.

Under my own name.

For all the world to see.

That's my dream.

Did I get it all?

Hey, Andy. It's Bev.

Look, I'm sorry to call you so late.

I was just trying to find John.

Called the office at six and Betsy said

that he'd left for the day, and I was just...

You got home by five?

How did you manage that, you lucky dog?

Ah, there's the door.

OK. See you. Bye.

Sorry I'm late.

I got hung up at the office.

I wish you'd call, 'cause we were looking

all over for your car keys forever...

- I thought you were shopping with Jenna.

- That was weeks ago.

I called the office and Betsy said

you left for the day at six.

Yeah, I did - for a sandwich.

Then I came back.

Oh. Well, I called your private line

a few times, nobody picked up.

That's because I wasn't working

in my office, I was in Andy's.

Oh. How is Andy?

We're working on a really big

estate plan together.

- So he was there?

- What?

Was Andy there?

Why are you asking me

all these questions?

I don't know.

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