Shall We Dance Page #3

Anyway, I stopped off for a bite

on the way home with Link Peterson.

Remember him?

Interesting guy.

Not what you'd think.

- How was your day?

- Great.

One, two, three, four...

One, two, three...

Mom?

Dad's acting weird.

They met five years ago

in a chat room for gardeners.

He says they're in love.

He's moving out Saturday.

He'll be back.

He loves those kids.

I thought we were happy.

He seemed happy to me.

I didn't know anything.

I didn't know.

Oh...

Hi.

I, uh... I give free consultations

during my lunch hour.

You sure you don't

wanna come in?

So he comes home late

on Wednesdays,

and when he comes home

his shirts smell like perfume.

He's been seen making strange body

movements and you feel he has a secret.

- That's correct.

- Ever think about just asking him?

- Yes, I've thought about it...

- Mrs. Clark...

things happen in long marriages.

To the best of people.

And sometimes the thing that happens

doesn't mean anything.

Doesn't need an investigator, just needs

somebody to look the other way for a while.

My husband is a serious man, Mr. Devine.

If he's having an affair, it is not casual.

In which case,

the sooner I know, the better.

All right. Give me a moment while

I call in my associate, Mr. Harcourt.

Scottie!

Scottie Harcourt,

this is Mrs. Clark.

She suspects

her husband's up to no good.

"To catch a husband is an art.

To hold him is a job."

Simone de Beauvoir said that.

It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Clark.

Same here.

I think we can start this investigation

without too much cost to Mrs. Clark.

Yes. Follow that husband around for a few

days, take some pictures, see what's up.

But I have to warn you,

if it goes to trial it's gonna be...

Trial?

In the event of a divorce.

But we don't know if

he's having an affair.

I mean, he could just be

involved with... I don't know...

people who get together

to invest things,

and... and the place that they

invest things is... filled with potpourri,

and that's why his shirts smell so sweet

when he comes home. It's possible.

Yeah, it's possible.

It's possible.

It's possible we could find your husband

neck-deep in potpourri, investing things.

Not likely.

Look, this is what we'll do.

We start out gently.

We look for the potpourri.

And if we find it, and it smells like flowers,

then 2,000 ought to cover my time.

But if we find the potpourri and there's

something big and stinky in the pot,

then you and I renegotiate, OK?

That sound good?

OK.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- How you doin'?

- Good.

- I can tell, you know.

- Tell what?

That you've been dancing.

Your posture, it's a dead giveaway.

- You're kidding.

- No.

- How much you been practicing, anyway?

- Just in class.

No. Should be five to one.

Five-to-one ratio.

Five hours of practice

for every one hour of class.

Doctor Dance has an open

dance party every Thursday.

Anybody can go and practice.

Even you.

Ballroom is all or nothing, John.

I'm draggin' your ass out of class

and onto a real dance floor.

We'll go straight there

after work.

- Link?

- Yeah?

Can you really tell?

Yeah.

Having fun?

- What are you doing here?

- Spying.

Excuse me, we were

dancing together.

Dude, she does not wanna

dance with you. Now back off.

Hey, you know, I...

Link always insists on dancing

with the youngest girls.

I've never seen him with his perfect

partner. Not that those are easy to find.

Have you ever found one?

Once. He was my

dancing partner for 15 years.

- We were husband and wife for 14.

- Wow.

Yeah. He was my perfect partner.

Doesn't happen twice in a lifetime.

I'm lucky it even happened once.

Ah!

At last, a song I know.

Oh, I love this song.

# Da da-da da...

# Shall we still be together

With our arms around each other

# And shall you be

my new romance?

# On the clear understanding

that this kind of thing can happen

# Shall we dance, shall we dance,

shall we dance?

It's The King and I. Yul Brynner

and Deborah Kerr. Do you remember that?

They held hands like this...

Oh, come on, John, let's try it.

- No. No, no, no, I can't. No way. I can't.

- Why not?

- Oh, John, come on. Come on.

- I don't... No, I don't want to...

Let go, John.

That's it, John.

Whoa!

- Sorry! I wasn't watching.

- Hi! How are you?

- It doesn't matter. We're finished anyway.

- What do you mean?

No offense, but I can't be

your dance partner.

- Why?

- You're too much of a freak.

I mean, look at your palms. They're

bright orange from self-tanning lotion.

Don't you know you're supposed to wash

your hands after you use that stuff?

Excuse me.

Miss Mitzi couldn't make it tonight,

so I'll be your teacher.

I'm Paulina.

And you're...

Chic and Vern and...

- Tom.

- John. It's John.

What would you like

to work on tonight?

Well, in my opinion - Chic - I think since

we're beginners, a good idea would be...

Waltz.

Maybe the waltz.

OK. Um...

I'll work with you one at a time

and you can be first.

OK. All right.

- Oops.

- I'm sorry.

So are you really

a reporter for The Times.

Or are you just pickin' up on her,

like everybody else?

I'm a reporter.

Plus, she's not my type.

I like a woman built for comfort,

not for speed.

Really? Why don't you put the camera

down and take me out on the dance floor?

Two reasons:
I'm working

and this is not my type of dance.

Well, how do you know

if you've never tried?

Come on, put the camera down.

Come on, give me a shot.

Oh, dear!

Sorry, sorry!

- I'm sorry.

- It's gonna stain.

Don't... worry.

I'll take care of it.

- Would you like to use this?

- Excuse me?

Just to wipe your coat, or...

Go ahead, just take it.

Please. Go ahead.

- It's silly, but it's my favorite coat.

- I'm sorry.

It's vintage.

But this part's real suede,

so now it's ruined.

You sure?

Maybe they can fix that.

No. I know about stains. It's...

You know, I never understood that.

I never understood -

live cows get dirty all the time,

they don't get stained.

All that leather stands in the mud,

nothing happens. Go figure. What is that?

Exactly.

Get a little sauce

on your coat and look.

- Why is that?

- I don't know.

We'll have to ask the

next cow that comes by.

A man with a handkerchief. Wow.

I didn't know they made those anymore.

I haven't eaten yet. If you haven't eaten yet,

maybe we can go and... get a bite.

Someplace close. You know,

I saw a Chinese over here.

We could use chopsticks and drop an

endless variety of things on our clothes.

I'm sorry, I prefer not to

socialize with students.

Oh. OK. All right.

I shouldn't have taken this from you.

I'll buy you a new one.

Please. I didn't...

I didn't mean anything by that.

I'll buy you a new one.

Excuse me.

Mr. Clark, I take dance

very seriously.

Miss Mitzi's is a school,

not a disco.

And I hope you didn't join class

with me as your goal,

because you'd be

wasting your time.

Don't dance if that's

what you're after.

Dance lessons? My husband

is taking dance lessons?

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