Shanghai Kiss Page #2

Did Jesus have

a lot of stuff?

No, but Jesus

was poor.

So, what do you do

for fun?

This is pretty fun.

I mean, you know,

what do you do for...

excitement?

(kisses) Good night.

(sniffles)

(quietly sobbing)

Are you okay?

Yeah, I just

have allergies, you know?

You crying?

Your face is wet.

No, I'm okay.

Just go to sleep.

(sighs)

Sh*t.

Hey, wake up.

Wake up,

you have to go.

- What?

- Wake up,

you have to go.

- I'm late.

- Why?

- Because I'm late.

- Why?

Because I'm late.

I feel like I'm talking

to Helen Keller over here.

You promised me

breakfast.

Uh, there's a bagel

in the fridge.

Knock yourself out.

(sighs)

(car approaches)

- I made you something.

- What?!

See...

I love brownies.

I know, silly monkey,

that's why I made them

for you last night.

Thanks,

that's so sweet.

Oh, what can I say?

I'm a sweetie pie.

Mmm.

Mmm, they're good.

What's that?

"Ecole d'Art."

what is that?

I'm applying to

an art school in paris.

What about Stanford?

Ugh, Stanford

is boring.

What?

That's what you

want to do with

the rest of your life,

is paint fruit and people

dancing at tea parties?

I mean, you're

a bright girl, you know?

You need

a real education.

Well, shouldn't you do

what you're passionate about?

Yes. Yes, that all

sounds great now,

you're doing

what you love,

you're doing what

you're passionate about,

but in 15 years

it won't be so great

when you're-- when you're

selling cotton candy on

the Santa Monica Promenade.

So it's about money?

I just don't want you

to regret this.

Fine, I won't go.

I have something

important to ask you.

You're in high school--

what's important?

You know,

condescension is not

the way to a girl's heart.

All right, I'm sorry.

What do you want

to ask me?

I'm sorry--

I'm so "sowwy,

- I'm so sowwy!"

- Oh my goodness,

- That's pathetic.

- I know, I'm sorry.

I can't do it

like you can. What?

I was going to

ask you...

if you wanted to come

to the Junior Prom with me.

The Junior Prom, wow.

Sorry, Adi, I can't go

to the Junior Prom with you.

Why not?

Why don't you go with--

with, you know, Alex,

or Botar or Hawthorne,

or whatever they

name them nowadays.

'Cause I don't

love them, Liam.

(bell rings)

All righty.

Out of my car, kiddo.

Who are you calling

"kiddo," buster?

You know what?

You'd better be careful,

'cause one day

you're gonna lose me,

And it's gonna

break your heart into

a million little pieces.

I could be the best thing

that never happened to you,

And you'll regret it.

Maybe not today,

maybe not tomorrow,

but soon and for

the rest of your life.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have an algebra test

to attend to.

(kids chattering)

- (Adelaide grunts)

- All right, I'll see you

in another life

when we're both illustrious

Parisian libertines.

Or at 3:
00 P.M.,

whichever comes first.

Heads up, blondie.

Coming through.

ANSWERING MACHINE:

Two messages.

Liam, it's Mark Liu,

your father.

(speaks Chinese)

Where are you, anyway?

Call me!

(beeps)

Machine:

Monday, 1:
09 A.M.

Liam, why you not

calling me?

Your grandmother is dead.

This is Mark Liu,

your father.

(beeps)

Machine:

Monday, 1:
45 A.M.

(beeps)

(touchtones)

(ringing)

- FATHER:
hello?

- yeah, I got your message.

Yeah. Maybe if a few

more relatives die,

You'll actually come back

to New York, huh?

Will you give me a break?

I'm just trying

to make a living

for myself out here.

Oh, making a living

for yourself?

Without me sending you

checks every month,

you'd be out there

in the street with

all the others.

"to be or not to be."

You know,

I'm sorry I called.

She left you

a house in Shanghai.

Wait, what--

what did you say?

- She left me

her house?

Yeah.

Why-- why-- why did

she leave it to me?

- I've never even met her.

- because your last name

is Liu, that's why,

or did you forget

who you are, huh?

- How much

is it worth?

(humphs)

That should last you until

the end of the month.

You know, I'm sick of you

criticizing my life.

I have the right

to criticize it--

I'm paying for it!

What about you?

I can smell the whiskey

on your breath

right through

the handset!

I'll tell you what,

I'll come home today

if you tell me you're not

holding a bottle of Jack

in your hand right now.

Yeah, that's what

I thought.

You know what?

I don't need your

goddamn money.

What are you

gonna do, huh?

Peddle cappuccinos

at-- at Starbucks?

Well, like you said,

I got 500 grand, right?

That ought--

that ought to last me

till the end of the month.

I am your father, Liam.

Why do you hate me?

Because you killed

my mother!

(dial tone)

(Samba music

playing)

Lilly comes when

you stop to call her

Lilly comes when

you look away...

Bunny!

Lilly leaves kisses

on your collar

Lilly Lilly

Lilly Lilly, stay!

What's wrong?

- Nothing.

- What's wrong?

Come on!

I have to go to

Shanghai in a week.

Why are you going

to Shanghai, silly rabbit?

My grandmother died.

I'm sorry.

I never met her

or anything,

but she-- she left

her house to me.

My boyfriend has

a house in Shanghai!

That's really cool.

Uh, could you please not

call me your boyfriend?

So anyway,

I have a cousin there

who found a buyer

for it, so I have to

go and sell the place.

pressed up against

the glass

he prays

that she will last

now he's living

with his mother...

Dance with me, bunny.

Lilly comes

when you stop to...

- I don't want to.

- come on!

Lilly runs

when you look away

Lilly leaves

kisses on your collar

Lilly Lilly Lilly,

stay! Ah!

Lilly comes when

you stop to call her

Lilly runs when

you look away

Lilly leaves

kisses on your collar

Lilly Lilly

Lilly Lilly, stay!

Lilly comes

when stop to call her

Lilly runs

when you look away

Lilly leaves

kisses on your collar

Lilly Lilly

Lilly Lilly, stay!

stay stay stay!

So can I go with you

to Shanghai?

You have school.

But see, I don't have to

go to school,

'cause I am

a natural genius.

Some people are just born

natural geniuses and we

can't help it.

This natural genius is gonna

stay right here in L.A.

Please.

Call me every day?

Every minute

of every hour.

Will you miss me

so much, like, your

intestines will bleed?

My intestines

will spew buckets

and buckets of blood.

Oh, that's the sweetest thing

anyone's ever said to me.

I'll see you

when I get back, okay?

-Okay?

- Yeah.

Bye, Liam.

Bye.

(sighs)

(rock music playing)

JOE:

dude, do I look okay?

Yeah yeah yeah,

you look fine.

- Listen, Joe?

- Yeah?

Um, I need you to do

something for me while

I'm in Shanghai.

What? Want to

renew your subscription

to "Barely Legal"?

- it's-- it's Adi.

- oh, enough with Adi!

Come on!

I'm just--

I'm gonna lay out

a general rule here.

Okay?

In America,

if you hook up

with a 16-year-old girl,

you go to prison

for roughly 20 years,

And I'm not talking

about Culver City.

This is not about that.

It's not about hooking up.

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