Shanghai Knights

---

Boxers!

Not one step further.

The keeper

of the lmperial Seal.

Just the man l was looking for.

A woman.

You Chinese are

very progressive.

A gift from an old friend.

Wu Chow.

He wanted me to send

his regards.

Father!

Father.

The seal.

You must get it back.

l promise.

Give this... to your brother.

What are you reading?

Oh.

"Roy O'Bannon vs. The Mummy."

lt's incredible.

Roy's just taken out

the Mummy's entire army

of zombie confederate soldiers,

and he only had one bullet.

That's impossible.

Oh, no, it's not.

Roy figured out

the physics of the canyon

and then ricocheted a bullet

off the canyon wall.

Nailed each zombie

through the heart.

What about the Shanghai Kid?

He was captured

and knocked out on page 10

while he was polishing

Roy's pearl handles.

Don't you worry.

Roy's about to save him from

becoming a human sacrifice.

Those stories are all lies.

No. See?

lt says right here

on the back.

"Author Sage McCallister bases

all his stories

on firsthand accounts."

Sorry, sheriff.

No princess.

Every day you meet

the noon stage.

Every day it's the same story.

She's not coming back.

Pei Pei's married to her work

in San Francisco.

Modern woman.

Sheriff, you got a parcel.

Hey, maybe it's from her!

No. lt's from my sister

in China.

l know.

l know.

l must go.

Stay here and be a good horsey

for the new sheriff.

Uh, sheriff,

that stage is headed east.

lsn't China kind of west

of here?

l'm not going to China.

l'm going to New York.

Roy invested my money.

ls it true that he lives in a

penthouse at the top of the Ritz

surrounded by dozens

of beautiful women

at his every beck and call?

That's the old Roy.

He's married, settled down.

Trust me, he's changed.

So there we were.

Completely outnumbered.

He didn't have to tell me

we didn't stand a chance.

So l send the Shanghai Kid

and the princess out the back.

Poor Shanghai Kid.

He was so frightened.

He forgot to thank me

for saving his life.

l'm used to that.

Now, l returned to the front,

and l counted to three...

and l burst out of the mission.

Pearl handles blazing.

Lead flying everywhere.

And not a single bullet

touched me.

-No!

-Yeah.

What happened

to the emperor's gold?

Well, we divided it up.

l insisted on giving my share

to the lndians.

The savages?

Please don't ever call

those noble people savages.

lf being proud of your body

and wanting to ride around naked

all day makes you a savage,

then, by God,

you're drinking with a savage.

And that is what you call

a French toast.

You are so sophisticated,

Mr. O'Bannon.

Whoo!

Who's up for some more bubbly?

Reach for the sky, Roy.

Say that again.

Reach for the sky, Roy.

Chon Wang!

You sly son of a gun!

-Look at you!

-Look at you!

-What brings you to New York?

-My share of the gold.

Refresh my memory.

What gold?

The emperor's gold.

Okay, now, that gold is in

what the Wall Street pros call

a long-term investment.

We can't touch it

because it's building.

l need it tonight.

You just got here.

Let's celebrate.

No. l don't have time.

-You just got to the big city.

-My father's been killed.

Chon, l'm...

You need the money to get back

for the funeral?

No. l must go to England.

The ship leaves tonight.

Your father died in England?

China. My sister followed

the murderer to London.

Wait. Murderer.

l'm a little bit mixed up.

Let me see if l can get

the facts straight.

You have a sister? You never

told me you had a sister.

ls she pretty or does she look

like you? Be honest.

Roy, l need my money!

l don't like

that tone of voice.

You think after all we've been

through l'd stiff you?

l'm doing pretty well

for myself.

Yeah.

-l'm sorry, Roy.

-That's okay.

You're going through

a really tough time right now.

You got to be more trusting

of people, okay?

Look at me.

lt's Roy.

The couple at table 5

is ready to order.

Do you work here?

No, l don't work here.

lt looks like these guys

are wearing a similar jacket.

Roy, here's your cut

of the tips.

lt's the craziest thing.

l guess because

l come in here so much

they're mistaking me

for a waiter.

-lt's embarrassing.

-You lost the gold.

-Not all of it.

-Where's the rest?

l have one word for you.

Zeppelin.

l need my money now!

-Easy, easy.

Will you do anything

for this money?

Yes.

l must leave tonight.

Okay.

Take this key.

Go to the room.

Get cleaned up.

Your old pal Roy's got a plan.

Go! Come on!

Howdy, big boy.

What?

There's a woman in there!

She wants me to sleep with her.

Of course she does.

l told her the Great Wall

ain't the only big thing

coming out of China.

-Why did you say that?

-So you could get the money.

l will not sleep with women

for money!

Why?

l'm gonna sleep with her

for money.

Chon, just go in there

and do your business

and think about your sister

in England.

-What?

-Roy!

-Duty calls.

-Roy!

Good evening, Mr. Mayor.

Where are they?

Who?

My daughters.

Roy?

Roy, you got trouble.

Roy!

l got to check on something.

l'll be right back.

Chon, new plan.

We got to go.

-Chon, what are you doing?!

l'm fixing her back.

Put her down,

you decadent Philistine.

Hey, Chon, come on!

Let's go!

-Bye-bye.

-Bye.

Come on!

l don't understand.

What's going on?

l don't have time to explain.

All you have to know is there

are bad men after us...

but l'm in the right.

-Roy.

-You gotta trust me on this.

Okay, look.

l'm in a transitional phase

in my life.

-But...

-But what?

You want to know the truth?

l'm a little lost right now.

l see you.

You've got a sense of purpose.

But look at me.

l'm a 30-year-old waiter/gigolo.

Where's the future in that?

So what's the plan?

You were always

my compass, Chon.

The plan.

You ask me the right questions.

The plan?

The plan, l think,

is to find the right woman.

Raise a lot of children

and teach them values.

No, Roy.

The plan to get out of here.

Okay, the plan.

Here we go.

-Cops! Cops!

-They can help us.

No, no.

Chon, not these cops.

These are dirty cops.

They take advantage of people.

Now, if they stop us, remember,

l'm not Roy O'Bannon.

Who are you?

l'm your friend Smoky Desperado

from the West.

And who am l?

You. You're Benihana.

-Benihana.

-Yeah.

You teach crippled children yoga

here in the city.

-You go first.

-No! Why me?

Because you blend in, okay?

Now, go!

Don't let them see you!

Benihana.

Hey! Hey!

Chon!

Come on.

Stop wasting time.

You!

Chon, l found our ticket

out of here.

We're on our way.

Looks like old Roy

came through again.

Just like old times, Chon.

Check over there!

-Over to the alley!

-That way!

Yeah, just like old times.

Will you forget about the gold

for a second?

You're gonna have more money

than you ever dreamed of

when that first zeppelin

takes off.

Why do l always believe you?

What do you mean?

You're lucky l didn't invest

in that ridiculous

automobile idea.

Yeah, that's gonna make

a lot of money.

What's that?

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