Shanghai Knights Page #2

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Doghouse.

l'm in the doghouse.

Oh, come on, Chon.

Look, l'm sorry l lied.

l just didn't want to

disappoint you.

That's exactly what l mean.

l can't take that look.

l learned it from my father.

That's how he used to look

at me.

What did your dad do?

Was he an lmperial Guard?

No.

Much more important.

He was the keeper

of the lmperial Seal.

That's what l love

about China.

Everybody's job description

sounds so damn cool.

The seal has been symbol

of the emperor's power

since Genghis Khan.

lt has been passed down

from one emperor to another.

My family have been watching

over it for 12 generations.

My father and l used to

skip stones across the moat

and talk about a day

l would follow his footsteps.

l was his only son.

lf l'd have been there,

l could have protected him.

lt's not your fault.

You were 3,000 miles away.

What's with that little box?

My sister sent it to me

from my father.

-There's a message inside.

-What's it say?

lt's a puzzle box.

l don't know how to open yet.

What do you mean?

Get a hammer and smash it open

so you can see what it says.

l must have patience.

By the time

l'm able to open it...

l will be ready to read

the message.

Come on, Confucius.

That's the corniest thing

l've ever heard.

Let me see this.

You know what?

We're gonna go to England.

We're gonna find

your dad's killer.

We're gonna get

that seal back.

There's no reward

for this, Roy.

Who said anything

about a reward?

l'm talking about friendship,

loyalty, honor.

Okay?

Thank you, Roy.

And l hear England is ass soup.

A lot of pretty girls there.

First order of business,

my Lords...

is a report from our esteemed

friend Lord Rathbone...

who recently returned from

a diplomatic mission to China.

Fellow Lords...

l'm afraid l bring disturbing

news from the Orient.

The opium wars

have ravaged the land.

The emperor's enemies

are organizing.

The most vicious

are the Boxers.

A godless band of rebels

who murder without discretion.

China is not well.

l have brought back an envoy

who should give us some insight

into the inscrutable mind

of the Chinese.

ls he mad?

Given to Her Majesty

Queen Victoria by the emperor

in recognition of her

Outrageousness!

Long live the queen.

Jack the Ripper

strikes again!

Extra! Extra!

Read all about it.

Howdy, partner.

The English are not

very friendly.

They're just sore losers.

What did they lose?

A little thing called

the American Revolution, Chon.

Never heard of it.

l'll give you the highlights.

They came over

with about a million men.

We had a bunch of farmers

with pitchforks

and beat 'em like a drum.

Hey! l'm walking here!

You're driving on the wrong side

of the road!

Bunch of amateurs.

These people don't get it.

Hello, ladies.

Look at you.

What? l'm not supposed to

notice a pretty lady?

l thought you wanted to

settle down and have a family.

l do, Chon.

l just hope l can.

Why not?

Sometimes l worry that

all the damn horseback riding

l did out in the West,

bouncing up and down on the

hard saddles might have made it

so my salmon don't swim upstream

the way they're supposed to.

What?

l might be shooting blanks.

Oh.

Don't say anything.

Roy, it's okay.

Some people are not meant

to have a family.

l've always had such a special

connection with children.

The little ankle biters.

Hey, watch it,

you little punk!

Pardon me, guv.

You gents lost your way?

Yeah. We're looking

for my sister.

She's staying

at 32 Oxford Street.

l know it well, guv.

Me old man used to live there.

Can you show us the way?

Well, memory's

a little dodgy.

But l'm sure for a bob

l could get you there.

What do you take us for?

Okies from Muskogee?

Go sell your bullshit

someplace else.

We're not buying.

Thanks for the tip, guv.

Hey! l stole that watch

from my uncle!

What?

This way.

Come here,

you little rubbish eater!

What did l tell you about

poaching on our turf, Charlie?

l'm on the straight

and narrow. Honest.

What's this, then?

After l'm through

beating you...

you're gonna wish you never

ran away from the workhouse!

Leave the boy alone.

Bloody tourists!

Get your noses out of it!

Do whatever you want

to the kid...

but that's my watch.

Well, there's a load of us

and only two of you.

So piss off!

Easy, fellas.

You've lost one war this way.

Don't make

the same mistake twice.

Come on!

After him!

Hey!

There he is!

Get him!

We've got him now.

Move in, lads.

Boys, boys, wait, wait!

Come on! Get him!

Up the bloody ladder!

Hey! Hey!

Watch it!

Hey.

Come here, you!

Cool.

Move it!

You!

Did you see that?

lt's okay.

Okay?!

l call that one

my kung pao chicken.

l clotheslined the sucker.

Come on, get back!

Clear away!

Make way!

l think you gentlemen should

accompany me back to the yard.

This isn't a yard!

lt's a jail!

Roy, calm down.

Unbelievable.

Wait!

Someone's coming!

-Let me handle this.

-l'm gonna handle it.

The English aren't like you.

They don't get all emotional.

Touchy-feely.

Do me a favor.

Park the kung fu.

Let me do the talking.

Come here.

Let me give you a hug.

l've been after that

Fleet Street gang for two years.

Then you two come along

and bring them down

in a single afternoon.

Brilliant!

Now, um...

Oh, that's my watch!

Yes. A street urchin

turned it in.

The little punk better not

have scuffed it.

-l hope your luck picks up.

-What do you mean?

l deduced from your watch

that you'd hit a rough patch.

He has.

How do you know?

lt's an investigative technique

l've developed.

l can deduce intimate details

about an individual

through a close scrutiny

of their personal effects.

What else can you tell?

The owner of this watch

is a bad gambler

and a lousy shot.

Although he's cheated death

several times...

he spends most of his life

wandering in a rather pathetic

and futile search

for purpose and respect.

Oh, yes.

He has a penchant

for loose women.

Wow. That's amazing.

l'm sure it's a very popular

party trick

at birthdays

for small children...

but it doesn't quite play

with adults.

Just to set

the record straight.

Roy O'Bannon is not attracted

to loose women.

Loose women

are attracted to me.

-You're Roy O'Bannon?

-Yeah.

The famous Western folk hero?

Have you heard of me?

Have l heard of you?

l've only read "Roy O'Bannon

vs. The Mummy" five times.

lt's fascinating.

l want you to meet

the Shanghai Kid.

Oh, yes.

The faithful Chinese sidekick.

l'm not a sidekick.

Those stories are all lies.

Come on, don't be bitter.

l can't help what

Sage McCallister writes.

lf there's anything l can do,

l'm at your service.

We're looking for my sister.

She's staying at this address.

Can you take us there?

Oh, dear.

l think you'd better come

with me.

Lin.

Wang.

lf you don't mind,

l'll just wait outside.

lntroduce me.

Oh. This is Lin,

my baby sister.

Roy O'Bannon.

Pleasure.

You never told me your sister

was such a...

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