Shanghai Knights Page #3

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beautiful lotus blossom.

What'd she say?

No, no, no.

No talking about me

in your native tongue.

Why are you in jail?

l followed the man

who murdered Father.

And?

l found out where he live.

l snuck inside his house

and tried to kill him.

lt's my duty to find

Father's killer.

No, it is mine!

l'm the one who promised Father.

But l'm his only son.

When you abandoned us

for America...

Father said he had no son.

What?

Whoa. Time out.

Time out. Come here.

The detective's a fan.

Why don't l play

the celebrity card?

We'll get her out that way.

-Okay?

-Okay.

Don't worry.

l'll get you out.

Everything's gonna be okay.

ln fact, l'm gonna give you

my good-luck playing cards.

Just ignore the naked ladies.

Wang!

Have you opened Father's box?

Not yet.

She tried to assassinate

Lord Rathbone

whilst he was taking

afternoon tea.

He's 10th in line

to the throne...

Her Majesty's

favorite cousin...

and the finest swordsman

in England.

So, of course,

the press had a field day.

The story actually knocked Jack

the Ripper off the front page.

Artie, Lin is not a killer.

She's just a really,

really, really hot...

confused Chinese girl.

Maybe if l agreed to sign

a few autographs

and talk to some of my fans

here in England...

do some type of charity event,

can we get her out that way?

l'm afraid

that's out of the question.

What will happen

to my sister?

She'll go to trial,

probably be locked away

in an institution

for the criminally insane.

The tabloids have already

dubbed her "Loony Lin."

l thought it was rather catchy.

At the time.

Do you have any notion

what would happen

if we were to be seen

together?

Since your return, l have yet to

lay eyes on the lmperial Seal.

l'm hosting a jubilee ball

at my country estate tomorrow.

Be at the stables

at midnight.

As requested,

a token of my esteem.

This is where you get out.

l hope there will be

more trust between us

when l'm emperor

and you are the new king.

Wow. Buckingham Palace.

Look at that, Chon.

That's where the queen lives.

Hey, look at this guy.

He's a royal guard.

He has a very important job.

l used to be just like him.

No, they're nothing like you.

They're a tourist attraction.

You can make faces at them,

insult them...

and they can't move a muscle.

-Here. Watch this.

-Roy...

No, it's okay.

Hey, buddy,

your shoes are untied.

That is the biggest damn beaver

l have ever seen.

Roy, stop it.

The queen!

Look! The queen!

She's mooning us!

He almost went for that.

My friend and l just came over

from America.

You might have heard of it.

We run your jerkwater country.

Come on, you gonna take that

from a colonial?

Roy, stop it.

l bet you are one hell

of a damn poker player.

No hard feelings.

They can't do that!

You're not allowed to do that!

Shouldn't have touched him.

You scram, you little punk.

l've got friends

at Scotland Yard.

l'll give you up

in a heartbeat.

You get your watch back?

Don't worry about my watch.

Go on.

lt's a knockoff.

What are you talking about?

My uncle stole this watch

from President Lincoln.

lt's a priceless

family heirloom.

Not according

to the pawnbroker.

You should not steal.

lf l don't steal,

l don't eat.

Who showed you how to do

all that kicking and punching?

My father.

Have you ever heard of those?

They're parents.

You don't 'cause you're

a little orphan.

Now, go on.

You're cramping our style.

Oh, this country blows.

You need a place to stay?

Come on in

and warm your dogs.

You can

get into a lot of trouble

breaking into

a place like this.

That being said, well done.

You just ate

the last chocolate.

Course l did.

You gotta look out

for number one.

l could really

get used to this.

Living the life

of a country gentleman.

Maybe doing

a little painting.

Let Lin play in the garden

with the children.

Vera, Chuck, and Dave.

Who's Lin?

Lin's the most beautiful woman

l've ever met.

She's gonna be the savior

of the house of O'Bannon.

Chon, check out the threads.

All l'm missing is the

loyal hound curled at my feet.

We are wasting time.

We must find Rathbone.

What do you think

l've been doing?

Sitting here drinking

expensive hooch?

Refill.

l've been working on a plan.

Now -- Whoa.

Don't slosh the brandy.

-lt messes with the bouquet.

-Sod off.

l'm trying to teach you

a skill set.

Help get you off the street.

-Bartenders make big bucks.

-Roy!

The plan.

Thank you, Chon.

lf we find the seal...

we can prove Rathbone

killed your dad.

lt's the old Hail Mary play.

l also have a version

where we dig a tunnel.

Hey!

Bloody catapult.

Jesus Christ!

-You don't need a catapult!

-Who asked you?

You don't interrupt grown-ups

when they're talking.

"Lord Nelson Rathbone requests

the pleasure of your company

at the jubilee ball

in honor of Her Majesty's

Sounds good.

lt doesn't address security.

They're not gonna let

Chon and l

waltz into the castle.

All you need is

a proper disguise.

l do like a good disguise.

l look like a fool.

What?! You're a maharaja.

That's lndian royalty.

-But l'm Chinese.

-lt's the same thing.

Bob your head a little bit.

Gives you more

of a lndia-royalty flavor.

That's good.

Good show, good show.

Good show, good show.

-Cheerio, cheerio.

-Cheerio, cheerio.

What do we do

when we see Rathbone?

Kill him.

No, okay? No!

You're gonna be civil,

'cause we don't have the seal.

No seal. No Lin.

No family honor. Okay?

Be cool.

Okay, we look great.

Let's enjoy this party.

-Whoa. What are you doing?

-l'm going inside.

-The place is haunted.

-You're the harness man.

You get back at the carriage.

You wait in case we need

to make a quick getaway.

Go on.

Man your post.

You don't always get

what you want.

Why are you so mean

to that boy?

l see a lot of myself

in that kid.

lt's kind of freaking me out.

Come on.

Your name, please, sir.

So l can announce you.

Sherlock... Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes.

Which province do you represent,

Your Highness?

Nevada.

May l present

Major General Sherlock Holmes

and His Highness,

the maharaja of Nevada.

How are the security

arrangements?

Oh, everything seems to be

going swimmingly, my Lord.

And if l may say so...

it is an honor to guard

Your Lordship tonight.

l speak for all of us

at Scotland Yard

when l say that no matter how

far you are from the throne...

you'll always be number one

in our hearts.

Okay, here's the plan.

We're gonna get

a little chow.

Then we're gonna

sneak out of here.

-Start looking for that seal.

-Okay.

-Spotted Dick, sir?

-What?

Spotted Dick.

Can you believe this guy?

l'm trying to get

something to eat.

He's asking me

if l got the clap.

l think

he's offering you food.

Oh. Spotted Dick.

Oh, no.

l think l'll pass.

l'm not really

a dessert man.

Perhaps my friend might like

some Spotted Dick.

l might try

one of these sausages.

A little smoky Joe.

This is good!

l thought the food here

was supposed to suck.

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