Shanghai Knights Page #4

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The haggis is fresh

from Scotland, sir.

lt's made from

the finest sheeps' bladders.

l'm gonna get some whiskey

and wash my mouth out.

You should try the quail.

l shot them myself

this morning.

How do you do, Your Lordship?

Very well, thank you.

l'm not acquainted

with the Nevada province.

But l haven't been to lndia

since '81.

l spent most of my time

in the Orient.

l hear you've just returned

from China.

You are well-informed,

maharaja.

lt is my dream

that the Chinese people

will follow lndia's example and

one day embrace British rule.

The Chinese are very proud.

They place family and honor

above all else.

Well, l'm sure

we can break them of that.

lf you'll excuse me,

l have a matter to attend to.

Until we meet again.

Patience.

l'm proud of you, Chon.

We must find the seal.

What do you see?

Shh, shh, shh!

He just pulled a fancy

dragon key out of his desk.

That was my father's!

l must avenge his honor.

Hey, slow down, tiger.

Slow down.

Quit going all Chinese on me.

Where is he?

Damn it. Remember

your puzzle box. Patience.

Okay, there are no windows.

We just came in

through the only doorway.

That leaves one explanation.

Remember in "Roy O'Bannon

vs. The Mummy"

how the zombie king got away

when l chased him

into the pharaoh's tomb?

There's a secret passageway

behind the sphinx.

There's gotta be a lever

or a button over here.

Help me lift some stuff up.

Roy!

The painting.

lt's looking at me.

-Look!

-Oh, yeah.

Looks like it's looking at me.

That's great.

No, real eyes.

Moving!

That kid got to you,

didn't he?

Unbelievable!

We're not in a haunted house.

That's a technique

that an artist uses.

"Ubiquitous gaze" or "pursuant

eyes" is the technical term.

lt's unnerving, though.

l'll give you that.

Roy.

Now, those eyes. Look!

Whatever you say, Chon.

Let's see what you got here,

Rathbone.

Roy!

What, Chon?

Are the statues moving now?

Roy!

l can't hear myself think

with you shouting at me.

Chon?

Chon? Chon?

This is ridiculous.

lf you want to act

like a child and play games...

then find someone else...

'cause l take

this stuff seriously.

l'm here to work.

l'm on a mission.

Chon?

Okay, Chon.

Okay, you little

Chinese otter.

Let's play.

Chon, demons!

She's gonna fight

my battles for me.

Come on.

Let's go.

What? What are you doing?

lt's kinky.

l like it.

Wow! Look at this.

Wait. There's something

different about this room.

Hey.

Let's go!

-Wang!

-Chon, for God's sakes.

-Now he shows up.

-l found it.

Wait. Do you want to hear?

The seal's gone.

Lin.

Roy!

Are we gonna come back?

Roy!

Must you keep doing that?

l was taught

not to be seen or heard.

The seal.

l am a man of my word.

l remember watching

my brother play with this

like a baby rattle.

When l'd try to touch it,

the dowager empress beat me.

No doubt

your deprived childhood

made you into the man

you are today.

Wu Chow.

Wu who?

He is the emperor's

bastard brother.

He was banished

from the Forbidden City

for trying to steal

the lmperial Seal.

Our father caught him.

He vowed to return to claim

the emperor's throne.

This guy?

l'll assume everything

has been arranged as discussed.

You have nothing to worry about.

lt's all in place.

That diamond is as big

as a damn monkey's paw.

-Look at that.

-Roy.

Don't even think about it.

l'm just admiring

the craftsmanship, Chon.

So for now,

our business is completed.

Where's Lin?!

Hey! Hey!

Gotcha!

Just looking out

for number one.

No!

The kid got the seal!

Chon!

lt's stuck.

Lin!

Go! You can do it!

She's got it.

She's got it!

Roy! Come on!

Chon, what in our history

together

makes you think l'm capable

of something like that?

-Roy!

-l can't do that!

Hurry up!

Wait.

There's a better way.

Slow down!

l'm a bat out of hell!

Yee-haw!

Besides, l don't know

where the brake is.

What?!

Look out!

So, what now, buddy?

Relax, relax.

Smooth sailing from here.

Yes, these are the men

who attacked me.

l'm afraid the assailants have

temporarily eluded us, my Lord.

Perhaps you could explain

to me

how Loony Lin

managed to escape

from the confines of

Scotland Yard under the watch

of the most respected

police force in the world.

Yes, of course.

lt's absolutely fascinating.

She picked the lock

using a deck of rather

risque playing cards.

Then scaled the walls

with a mop, a fork...

and various pilfered

undergarments.

You've got to hand it

to the Chinese.

They're awfully ingenious,

Lord, aren't they?

Does your incompetence know

no bounds?!

Where am l?

Lin!

l don't even know these women.

Lin, what are you doing here?

Oh, Lord.

Do you want to try

the position on page 3 7?

Come here, you little minx.

What?

-You okay?

-No, l'm not okay.

l've just been violated

by a barnyard animal.

Who would leave a pile of stones

in the middle of the field?

l don't know, Chon.

These people are nuts.

Come on.

-Can l tell you something?

-What?

This is a hell

of a damn adventure we're on.

l'm having

an absolute ball with you.

Me too.

Here we go.

Get your thumb out, maharaja.

-Why?

-Get over here.

Excuse me!

-Lin!

-Lin!

My shoulder's getting

a little tight.

This is your first time

in England, isn't it?

How do you know your way around?

lt's incredible.

l always had a good sense

of direction.

You can say that again.

l wish we could say the same

about you-know-who.

l once sent him over

a mountain range.

He was lost forever.

One time, l sent him

over the Great Wall.

-He was lost for three days.

-Three days?!

Oh, gosh, we got a lot

in common.

l've never met

anybody like you, Roy.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Hey, can l tell you something

without you getting offended?

What?

You have a great body.

There. l said it.

lt's out in the open.

-You must work out.

-Me?

Excuse me.

Chon, what are you doing?

l don't like the backseat.

Makes me sick. Dizzy.

Whitechapel.

This looks like

a nice enough neighborhood.

-What is Puss 'n' Boots?

-lt's a boardinghouse.

Some of the sailors on the ship

coming over recommended it.

Come on. Come on!

l won't let my sister

stay here.

What are we supposed to do?

Check in to the Savoy?

We'll get arrested

before we get to our room.

l don't mind this place.

See?

She's a little open-minded.

l know this sounds crazy

'cause l just met her...

but l think l'm falling for her.

l think she's the one.

Roy, she's my baby sister.

l know she is.

Thank God!

That's the only chance

l've got.

l'm getting ready

to launch a little thing

called

"Operation Sweep Her Off Her Feet."

You're in a position

to talk me up.

Can l count on you?

Please, buddy, l've never

asked you for anything.

Sure, Roy.

l'll tell her the truth.

Don't get hung up on the truth.

Feel free to smooth out

your old pal's rough edges.

l love you, buddy.

Lin. Come.

Sit.

Hello, love.

Fancy a tumble?

Oh!

Where were you two days ago?

l would have bedded you

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