Shanghai Noon

-[Man Shouting In Chinese]

- [ Shouting In Unison ]

[Shouting In Unison]

[Drums Pounding]

[Traditional Chinese]

[Woman] The princess nodded,

and the frog said,

"That which you have promised,

you must perform."

Very good.

Keep reading.

"So the princess leaned in

and kissed the frog,

" but as she did, he became

a handsome prince,

"and they rode off

to his kingdom,

where they lived

happily ever after. "

Happily ever after.

There's no such thing

as " happily ever after."

Not for a real princess.

The prince my father wants me

to marry will always be a frog.

My offer still stands.

I will help you get to America.

- [ Whispers ] America ?

-[Princess] That's very kind.

[Man] But we're running out of time.

I know of a ship bound for America,

but we must leave tonight.

- Leave tonight ?

- We must hurry, Princess.

Hurry, Princess.

[ Shouting In Unison ]

-[Captain] Mung Goo Hi.

- [ Shouts ]

-Zhou Hei.

- [ Shouts ]

- Chow Lu.

- [ Shouts ]

[ All Shouting ]

[ Shouting In Unison ]

[ Whistling ]

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

Okay. Great.

Great. Okay.

Come here. Look at this.

Spent a lot of time on this.

Now, pay attention,

'cause I don't want any mistakes.

Now, I've calculated the speed of

the train and the speed of our horses.

We meet at this vector.

The only variable is the wind.

- Technically, if you travel

over here on the horses--

- Is this the train ?

All right. We're just gonna wing it...

like we always do.

- [ Chuckles ]

- Ride down, jump on the train,

hoorah the money, head back

to the cathouse, all right ?

- Mm-hmm.

- Let's go. Come on. Move out. Go !

You okay ? Nervous ? It's all right

to be nervous when you're new.

You'll be okay.

I'll keep an eye on you.

All you gotta do is follow my lead.

All right, look alive, outlaws !

[ All Whooping ]

[Wang Reading] "So the princess

leaned in and kissed the frog,

"but as she did,

he became a handsome prince,

"and they rode off

to his kingdom,

where they lived

happily ever after. "

[ Chattering, Indistinct ]

Reach for the sky,

ladies and gentlemen !

Touch that gun and I'll

blow your god damn head off!

What are you doin' ? I sorta like

to be the only guy that talks, Wallace.

- All right. I'm sorry.

- That's okay. That's okay. Good.

Don't worry. Come on, come on.

Big 'Un, let's go.

Why is the new guy talking ?

Where did you get this guy ?

You know I'm the only one who talks.

Okay, everybody keep calm.

[Wallace] You think

you're gonna shoot me ? Is that right ?

What you got right in here ?

Yeah, you got this gun ?

You think you're gonna

do something with that gun ?

Come on, Lady Bird.

You got anything in here besides yarn ?

-[Wallace] You got it out for me !

- Hey !

Whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa. No.

Come here. Come here.

We don't steal from women.

Get over here.

Take that side.

Give me your hand.

Give me your hand.

I'm so sorry about that.

I apologize.

First time you've

seen an outlaw ?

Scared ?

Kind of excited too ?

All mixed up ?

Yeah.

Last train we robbed, we were naked,

it was so hot out.

Yeah, it was somethin'.

[ Sighs ]

Yeah, it's got

my initials right there.

- [Men Shouting]

- What are you lookin' at ?

- [Woman Screams]

- [ Screams ]

Wait ! Stop !

Where did you get this guy ?

- Texas.

- Texas ? Are you insane ?

Just shoot me now, 'cause I don't

understand what we're doing here.

Sir, sir, sir, sir. Come here,

come here, come here. Sit down.

- Excuse me. [ Speaking Chinese ]

- Sir, sit down.

[Gunshot]

- What happened ?

Wallace, what are you doing ?

- I'm just wingin' it.

No ! That's not

how we wing it !

No more winging it !

Stop ! Come on, Big 'Un.

- You've lost your

"winging it" privileges.

- Damn.

Damn !

[Speaking Chinese]

[ Speaking Chinese ]

Who killed my uncle ?

Who did this ?

[ Yells ]

Give me the dynamite.

Give me the dynamite.

No, no, no, no. You stay here.

You don't get to come.

- Keep an eye on Wing Nut.

- Hey, Blue, looky here !

Okay.

- Who killed my uncle ?

- What the hell is this,

the Orient Express ?

- Get him !

- Come here !

[Gunfire Continues]

[Gunfire Continues]

Wh-- Hey !

The safe's getting ready to blow !

Get ready to reap

the fruits of our labor.

Move it! Let's go !

Roy, you just blew

the sh*t out of our fruits.

Oh, sh*t.

[ Grunts ]

We got a Chinaman

to catch.

Stop ! Stop !

Stop ! Stop !

Turn around !

Turn around !

- [ C*cks Pistol ]

- What the--

- Who are you ?

- [Wallace] Hey, Roy !

Don't you worry about a thing !

I got you covered !

- [ Whoops ]

- No !

- No !

- [ Yells ]

Roll, baby, roll !

[ Chuckling ]

[Wallace] Reach for the sky,

O'Bannon ! It's my gang now!

[ Horse Whinnies ]

I don't understand.

You said your friend

had a large estate.

He does.

- What exactly does he do ?

- Well, you could say. ..

he's a philanthropist.

He helps Chinese immigrants

get back on their feet.

Welcome to America,

Princess.

Lo Fong.

Forgive me

if I do not bow.

Calvin, this man

is a trai--

Traitor.

[ Scoffs ] Why ? Because he ran away

from the Forbidden City ?

[ Grunts ]

Your reward is on the table,

Mr. Andrews.

Well, now you're gonna have to

double it, or I'm gonna kill her.

One thing about the Chinese,

Mr. Andrews --

[ Slurps ]

Aah !

[ Grunts ]

- We do not renegotiate.

- [ Choking ]

[Body Hits Floor]

Whatever you think

I'm going to do for you,

you're wrong.

It was just

like a nightmare.

You wouldn't believe it

if I told you.

My gang left me in the desert.

I felt like all the other

cowboys hated my guts.

Everyone was-- I just missed you.

I missed all of you.

[ All ] We missed you too, Roy.

I think it's

medication time.

Come here,

devil woman.

Oh. Mmm.

Oh !

Ooh, that's naughty.

Ohh. Ow, careful.

Careful with that.

Ow, ow. Careful.

Ow.

Ow. Aaaah !

[ Screaming ]

Holy crap ! The vultures are

eating my head!

Aaaah ! Aaaah !

Help ! Help !

My gang buried me !

They left me

for dead!

Ooh ! Ooh.

Oh, thank heavens.

I thought you were a mirage.

- Oh, come on. Water.

- You.

- You killed my uncle !

- Bull !

That was Wallace

all the way.

- He was one of your bandits.

- He wasn't part of my gang.

He was a new guy.

He's crazy as a road lizard.

- You deserve to die.

- Hold on a second.

You know what

no one's saying here ?

I had a chance to kill you

on that train, and I chose not to.

'Cause I'm not

a barbarian.

- Hey ! Where are you going ?

- Carson City.

I'm closer to diggin' myself to China

than you are to gettin' to Carson City.

- Hey !

- Which way ?

Hey, that's better.

Dig me out and I'll show you.

-[Vulture Squawks]

- Which way ?

You see the...

mountains over there ?

Carson City

is on the other side.

All right, dig me out.

I kept my end of the bargain.

- Dig me out.

-[Vulture Squawks]

Dig.

Hey ! Hey !

- Come on !

- Don't talk. Just dig.

[ Coughing ]

Aargh !

[ Muttering ]

[ Panting ]

[ Whooping ]

[ Horse Whinnying ]

[Whooping]

[ Speaking Chinese ]

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